I am grateful:
1. I went to the meeting last night. I’m soooo tired. But glad I went. I can sleep really early tonight.
2. The qualifier. Wow.
3. The right up with ma.
4. The amazing weather last night.
5. And yesterday too.
6. That I know some people are putting out there, positive thoughts and vibes for us.
7. And praying for us.
8. That I will get to go to Sp’s today to finish (?) Step Five.
9. That I said what I said to J. Sunday night.
10. That every ounce and inch of my body is healthy right now.
11. And I ate so many vegetables the last couple of days.
12. The coming change in OA regarding abstinence, I think, is right. It makes sense to me anyway.
13. But even bigger, those last words, something like, We’ve got a good thing. Let’s not mess it up. Keep it simple.
14. That I did get some sleep last night, and the noise from the night before turned out to not be a problem (battery issue in carbon monoxide detector, I think).
15. Classical Café yesterday. I’m so glad I went.
16. And the kids were joyful that I was there, too.
17. And that I went out of my way to tell/show K my Indian food lunch, after our talk about it last Wed.
18. And that the audience behaved.
19. And the performers did so well.
20. And one? some? seemed to want me to come outside while they played, like, Are you coming out to recess too? Or do you have to finish your lunch.
21. And I was tired, but was very cheerful and fun and good with them yesterday.
22. And that M got into the computer room and finished her stuff for her deadline.
23. That they’re *so * enjoying the Helen Keller book!
24. And we’re writing cute Flat___ stories.
25. And that I’m so welcoming of P when she comes in for Spanish, and I think I always have been. The room, boards, kids, etc. are hers while she is there teaching.
26. Today’s In This Moment: “In this moment I focus on the present. And important lesson I’ve learned in recovery is that “what if” and “if only” don’t belong in my vocabulary. When the committee in my head fills me with fear and anxiety, I maintain my sanity and serenity by focusing on the present. “What if” projects to the future, which I can’t control. “If only” refers to the past which I’m powerless to change. If I want healthy and loving relationships, I need to stay focused in the moment.
27. That I have mindfulness meditation to help me with that.
28. And that my grandparents, and my father particularly, but my mother and her brothers too, did things this way.
29. That Gr’s marriage also got better since his program (which only started like last year too)
30. And so did that woman he was talking to.
31. In today’s Voices of Recovery: “Those of us who live this program don’t simply carry the message; we are the message. Each day that we live well, we are well, and we embody the joy of recovery which attracts others who want what we’ve found in OA. We’re always happy to share our secret: the Twelve Steps of Overeaters Anonymous, which empower each of us to live well and be well, one day at a time.”12 & 12 106
32. And “This commitment is one I must make continually, to live well and be well, one day at a time, with God’s help.”
33. The importance of, and love for, and answers in, the Big Book, which I’m learning more and more.
34. It says in this week’s Step Five topic (!) EAonline message: “…or anger and hurt pride might be the smoke screen under which we were hiding some of our defects while we blamed others for them. Possibly, too, we were still handicapped by many liabilities, great and small, we never knew we had.” Yeah. That was me. Darn. But glad to see it there.
35. And: When your mission is carefully explained, and it is seen by the recipient of your confidence how helpful he or she can really be, the conversation will start easily and will soon become eager. Before long, your listener may well tell a story or two about himself which will place you even more at ease. Provided you hold back nothing, your sense of relief will mount from minute to minute. The dammed-up emotions of years break out of their confinement, and miraculously vanish as soon as they are exposed. As the pain subsides, a healing tranquillity takes its place. And when humility and serenity are so combined, something else of great moment is apt to occur. Many, once agnostic or atheistic, tell us that it was during this stage of Step Five that the presence of God was first actually felt. And even those who had faith already often become conscious of God as they never were before.
36. And this: This feeling of being at one with God and humankind, this emerging from isolation through the open and honest sharing of our terrible burden of guilt, brings us to a resting place where we may prepare ourselves for the following Steps toward serenity and a full and meaningful life.
37. That I went on Sp Sp and asked for prayers just now.
38. That I did step work, by reading the message for the week in the ea e-mail. And learned some stuff about Step Five for my program(s) too.
39. That I *believe * I will make it through this day.
40. That I am exhausted but not sick, which helps remind me to get enough sleep and take care of myself.
41. That although I am exhausted, I am beginning to wake up.
42. And I have decided I should and will go in.
43. And I will, of course, be good to the kids.
44. Chocolate almond milk.
45. That although I still never want to, I did meditate. 25 seconds too little, but I did it. And I know it is good for me.
46. Maybe being this tired will help me somehow today. Like to let go for Step Five.
47. Or to be really mellow during the dreaded lunch meeting about F.’
48. That I seem to have learned to some extent, the lesson B. tried to teach me all that time ago: that “that man” should not be so important in my life (M at work) and extend that lesson to others and the pain they really don’t have the power to inflict on me.
49. And the lesson about going out and having fun now. (May J. hear me).
50. That I did call in the eye drops refill last night.
51. That Ma drove last night
52. That I put in money for her, then.
53. That I did all my morning stuff today. Yay.
54. Animals are reproducing. It is spring. There’ll be goslings
55. and signets
56. and ducklings,
57. baby giraffes
58. and baby elephants
59. and baby tigers
60. and baby gorillas
61. and baby birds
62. and baby monkeys
63. and baby chimps
64. and baby orangatans
65. and baby squirrels
66. That squirrel who was building a nest in our oak tree out front and every time he’d bring something up, like a big leaf, it would fall over, and he’d come back up and look confused about where it went – was SO cute!
67. “Life is a learning process.” Sp
68. And “It’s not taking the easy way out it’s taking the best for my body and my mind and my emotion and my heart.”
69. And, “Is it really that important? I’m getting all upset about xyz. Is it really that imp? No it’s not. What is important is taking care of [self].
70. And about more self-respect and *enjoyment * taking care of self.
71. And that self-respect comes from that. Doing these little daily chores… It’s not a little thing. It’s a big thing.
72. About Shirley, and her death, “I lost her. I found me.”
73. That Sp said we both are so tired today, and need to take care of our boies. So we’ll do Thursday.
74. Although – I now would rather do today, and so will call later to see about that, maybe.
75. That M gave me the cover things today.
76. That the kids are behaving.
77. That Mrs. Ha was very nice with me this morning.
78. That in reading the Helen Keller book to the kids this time, and especially today, I *got * so much more out of it than every before (and really must reread her works for grown-ups)
79. Including: “My life is so rich in two things,” she said, “friends and books.”
80. Plus *she * deaf, blind, and with impaired speech, traveled around and gave *lectures! *
81. About the deaf, she said: “They are surrounded by silence – never to be broken by a word or a song or the sigh of a breeze.” It makes me evern *more * grateful for all my hearing!
82. And about the blind – who Helen felt were the loneliest people in the world: “They stare into the dark. And nothing but the dark stares back.”
83. And her advice: “I who am blind can only give on ehint to you who can see. Use your eyes as if tomorrow you would go blind. Do the same with all your other senses. Hear the song o a bird as if tomorrow you would go deaf. Touh everything as if tomorrow you would never be able to touch anything again. Smell the flowers, taste every bit of food as if tomorrow you would never smell or taste again.”
84. And how much this is like Sp’s saying, it’s like :”I’m gonna die tonight at midnight. I don’t have to worry about tomorrow. All I have to do is today.”
85. AND even moreso, “It’s like you’re going to die tonight at midnight. DANCE!”
86. And Helen even had a sense of humor. When asked the silly question, “Can you tell the difference between colors?”(and she was asked this again and again), she would always answer: “Sometimes I feel blue and sometimes I see red”
87. And “Do you sleep with your eyes open?” “I never stayed awake to see!”
88. And Helen said, many times: “That was the most important day of my life. It was my soul’s birthday – the day my teacher came to me.” So teachers *are * important.
89. And she thought she could NOT go on without her Teacher by her side when Annie died. But she did.
90. Traveling from hospital to hospital for the gravely wounded – blinded, deafened, left without arms or legs… Helen said: “Of course you will have bitter moments. I do too. Of course there will be days when you will feel restless and lonely and cheated. All I can tell you is, live as much like other peole as you can. Keep your life full of books and work and friends. I do – and look how well it has worked for me.”
91. And she said “Life is an adventure, or it is nothing.
92. And, “I cannot see or hear but I find hundreds of things to interest me. If I’m lucky, I can put my hand on a small tree and feel it quiver as a bird sings in its branches.”
93. And of course this: “The best and most beautiful things in the world can not be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart.”
94. And M’s family is getting mch better together and her marriage is healing.
95. And maybe that means my prayers and answered and helping.
96. And also so maybe they can for me and my marriage too.
97. I can just go home and rest.
98. And maybe remember Helen Keller’s words
99. I can stop at hfs IF I want
100. I can even stop at library or bookstore for Helen books and/or our book club book. IF I want.
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