I am grateful:
1. “The best thing about the future is that it only comes one day at a time.” Abe Lincoln.
2. Also in Recovery Meditation e-mail: When I let go of any expectations I have
of how a situation is going to turn out,
I get to keep my serenity and the
situation turns out the way it's
supposed to.
3. I am grateful that I went to the early am meeting.
4. And that I shared
5. And that I cried
6. And that the leader said, “You don’t ever have to be sorry for dumping our problems here.” Or your sadness, or something like that.
7. And that I learned some stuff about the 8th step while there
8. And I’m grateful that I went straight over to the other meeting then, too
9. And was able to cry there and tell my truth (as always) too
10. And people were warm to me
11. Very grateful that we seemed to have given my mother a great Mother’s Day.
12. That I ate well, and *not too much * at the Indian buffet.
13. That I provided a nice dessert here.
14. And didn’t have any.
15. And that J like my colorforms pictures
16. And commented as soon as he walked in, on how the place looked good
17. And then on how nice the table looked
18. And he was able to lie down when he needed to
19. And that we had a longer visit with/for her than usual lately. We were together about 4 hours, which was good, I think.
20. And that I offered what I offered about the driving her home timing so he could get going.
21. And that after the awkward turn-away kiss, I called him.
22. And after I was so uncomfortable about that call, I called again.
23. And we met and I got to say my piece about trying.
24. And he did say he’ll think about it
25. And we’ll talk next weekend. I’m scared about this, but grateful too.
26. And that after that short time out, I got home and there were 3 messages. That made me feel good.
27. And a call came later too.
28. And that when I was crying in the car, I was able to call R about that meeting. Even though she didn’t have access to the info
29. And that I was then able to call M to look it up for me, which she did. Even though it wasn’t listed.
30. And that I then came home and found a meeting to get to.
31. And I went
32. And it was a much easier drive than the other time I tried it a few months ago and I think I understand the route well now. Although it didn’t take place, either time, and I think it no longer exists.
33. But I’m grateful for that woman there who gave me time and effort and energy with her smartphone and looked for other meetings for/with me.
34. And for the one other person who did show up. We didn’t have a formal meeting, but we sat in the room and chatted.
35. And I got home earliy
36. And M called again. I’m not sure if I’m grateful for that talk, but I’m grateful that she cared, and called.
37. And that I made the broccoli, even though I was so tired.
38. And ate it.
39. And did a load of wash, even though I was so tired. So I’d have underwear today.
40. And put it through the dryer too.
41. And that I’m not feeling *obligated * to go to the meeting tonight. My physical health probably needs sleep more. Especially with the after-school meeting today, and my Step Five after school tomorrow.
42. And I’m grateful that I did the dishes.
43. And that we’ve had 4 days in a row of glorious weather, praise God for making such beautiful weather.
44. And that I was able to send those e-mails last night requesting prayers for this week. I felt funny about it, but I’m grateful that I did it.
45. And that, for the first time ever, I made the coffee the night before
46. And that I’ll bring the leftover dessert to work today.
47. And that I’m not even tempted by it! Because of how it would set me off emotionally.
48. Maybe tonight I’ll make soup. And/or the cabbage dish. I can refrigerate or freeze some or all of them.
49. And that won’t only be healthful, but frugal.
50. And that I’ve decided I’m probably working 5 days this summer. For the money.
51. And that it doesn’t feel bad; it feels professional. And grown-up. And positive. And it’s only 4 – 5 days anyway.
52. “We don’t like the disease, but we never confuse the person with the disease.” From today’s For Today.
53. And “For today: OA is a refuge from the harsh judgments society passes on compulsive overeaters. My fellow members need unconditional acceptance and respect, not judgments.”
54. That I just did my Affirmations
55. That I have over 100 assets listed for myself now.
56. And maybe I’ll get more.
57. And I’ll show them to my dr. Wed.
58. I also have ingreds for chili, which I’ll make this week and freeze
59. And for vegan pesto, which I’ll make and freeze. What wealth! That’s 4 things! Soup, cabbage dish, chili, pesto. Not to mention the baked veggies I’ve been doing. I’m very fortunate to have all this food. And all this * good * food.
60. And that we were able to make conversation at the restaurant yesterday.
61. And I will get through this day and make it nice for the kids even though I’m exhausted.
62. And that I got to see Ph yesterday
63. And she seemed happy (with J). I’m glad she’s happy. It hurts my heart that we’re not all together, but I am so glad she’s happy.
64. From today’s Recovery Meditations: Let go of your attachment to being
right, and suddenly your mind is more
open. You're able to benefit from the
unique viewpoints of others, without
being crippled by your own judgment.
65. That J and I see the Bin Laden thing the exact same way. That while we don’t want him on this earth, the assassination, which may have been necessary, is still a solemn thing, not a dance in the streets thing like vengeance - gotcha! like that.
66. That I am putting good out into the universe this whole week about our marriage.
67. And maybe others will too.
68. And continuing to work on my own growth.
69. I know this is a repeat, so I’ll add one, but oh, the sound of those birds is so beautiful.
70. And today’s Recovery Meditation also says: Ironically, the fortress I was building
didn’t protect me from myself and I soon
became my own worst enemy. My
self-loathing and my unceasing search
for perfection led me deeper into a
self-induced state of
depression. Keeping everybody out and
locking myself in became an exhausting
exercise.
71. And On entering the 12 Step program I soon
realized that the fortress I had so
carefully built to protect myself
against the outside world was also
preventing any kind of light, warmth and
love from entering in.
72. And this! As my journey of recovery progressed,
brick by brick the walls came down and
afforded me the nourishment I needed to
blossom and grow. In learning to accept
myself, I found that what others thought
of me paled into insignificance. I
learned that there was a wealth of
experience, strength and hope which
would help me along the journey. I
learned that I could take what I needed
and put down the remainder, without the
resentment, anger, fear or pain, which
previously would have sent me running
for cover.
73. And this, and may I do it: One Day at a Time . . .
I aim to be willing to keep my mind
open, to accept what I need to continue
my journey, and to leave the rest.
74. That walking up to the cars yesterday after the first meeting, with that other OAer, she was nice to me and I said to her that often if I stop in the second, it is all all right. Like then, this second was me, walking on the sidewalk with her, with a beautiful blue sky and sun shining. All was really all right in this second. Different from projecting and fear. And she agreed and said, “Keep my mind where my feet are.”
75. That Sp just said, “We can’t change all the things in Lynn. Because there’s a lot of good in Lynn. We gotta change the things we don’t like, and keep and enhance the good in Lynn.”
76. And I’m glad we talked this morning.
77. And that I gave the kids the lesson Friday about ALL FEELINGS being okay.
78. And that they seemed awed by it.
79. And that in a way, that honors J. took who always wished someone would have told him that (may I have the chance to show him that).
80. And that I am learning to dissociate my feelings of not wanting to do the meditation, to just setting the timer and doing it. (It is good for me in the long-run AND feels good during anyway). I’m glad I’m doing, and that I did today.
81. And that my hair looked good yesterday.
82. And even got a comment or two.
83. And although I’m exhausted and some of this stuff is settling in my chest, I am breathing. I am breathing. I am breathing more deeply. I am breathing well.
84. And I was abstinent yesterday!
85. And Saturday!
86. And I threw away the list in the middle of making it Saturday, for the fabulous vegan chocolate chip cookies recipe. Because I realized I do *not * even want this around!
87. And I made a nice dessert for them anyway. Those strudel things and pears and apples and seedless red grapes.
88. And I ate grapes. Grapes are good for me.
89. And J. filled my car for me while we were out.
90. And the price of orange juice has come down.
91. And I ate an orange Saturday.
92. And that I did make the broccoli last night despite my exhaustion.
93. And ate it.
94. And did do the laundry for underwear and towels.
95. And hope. I’ll do extras cause am repeating.
96. I am grateful that in a few minutes I’ll be driving and I feel better once I get out.
97. And that the only other work I have to do today is my 10 minutes or more of step work.
98. And maybe I’ll call those people back at lunch-time. And do some CoDA reading. That will be good for me and nice.
99. That my meditation today was better than yesterday’s.
100. That I will post about it later.
101. That I will sleep tonight; I’m pretty sure!
102. That I am not in a hospital or nursing home.
103. That we don’t have that much longer on this mortgage.
104. That I’m feeling fair and just and want to be so in my actions.
105. That all I really every have to do is, “Do the next right thing.”
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