My Gratitudes Today

I am grateful:

1. That I spoke to Sp this evening (this being started on Fri evening)
2. That I might do a jigsaw puzzle this evening. (Or not☺)
3. That I told ML and MA was right there, that *I * could take her to her doctor in July if MA can’t. And I feel good about doing that service for her.
4. And that MA and I discussed with her, right after that, the idea of making a list of people so if no.1 can’t do, you call no.2, and so on. And I feel good because that’s good for MA too.
5. In today’s For Today:”Defeat is a school in which truth always grows strong.” Henry Ward Beecher. I didn’t know what this meant until I kept reading the page. But it goes on to talk really, about the first step, I think.
6. And it says, “Never in all the years of fighting it did I think I would admit to being defeated by food. When the illusion that I could eat like other people was finally routed, many other truths began to emerge. That was the beginning o recovery.”
7. And, “Each day I practice the program of recovery, more truth about myself is revealed to me. I welcome all of it, the worst as well as the best. Only when I know who Ii am can I make use of the directions that tell me how I can change.”
8. The expression in OA, “Don’t quit before the miracle.”
9. In today’s In This Moment. “In This Moment, I am aware of my value and worth. I have finally learned that I have inherent value and worth, given to me by my Higher Power.”
10. And, “Because I know this, I no longer need to go into a shame attack when I’ve made a mistake or come up short in some way.”
11. And, “I’m now able to admit my mistakes and accept them as part of being human.”
12. “I learn from my experience, as long as I stop doubting my worth or God’s love for me.”
13. “I have a right to be here.”
14. “I am easier to live with and much more accepting of my family and others.”
15. “I thank God and CoDA for this knowledge.”
16. All the things that I can do from the computer, which we all used to have to wait and go to the library to do, or I remember in my family we knew you could *call * the library and they would get back to you with an answer! But of course, they had to be open. What a world is opened up with the internet.
17. Desiderata. And that I just thought of it now.
18. So I just looked it up and found out that Desiderata is Latin for desired things. Nice.
19. Desiderata by Max Ehrmann says: Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
20. And remember what peace there may be in silence.
21. As far as possible without surrender Be on good terms with all persons
22. Speak your truth quietly and clearly: And listen to others, Even the dull and the ignorant; They too have their story.
23. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, They are vexations to the spirit
24. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter: For always there will be greatere and lesser persons than yourself.
25. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
26. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; It is a real possession in the changing fortunes of times.
27. Exercise caution in your business affairs; Fro the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; Many persons strive for high ideals: And everywhere life is full of heroism.
28. Be yourself.
29. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love: For in the face of all aridity and disenchantment It is as perennial as the grass.
30. Take kindly the counsel of the years, Gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
31. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune
32. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings
33. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
34. Beyond a wholesome discipline, Be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, No less than the trees and the stars; You have a right to be here.
35. And whether or not it is clear to you, No doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
36. Therefore be at peace with God, Whatever you conceive Him to be,
37. And whatever your labors and aspirations, In the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul. With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, It is still a beautiful world.
38. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.” And I am grateful for those lines. Especially Be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, No less than the trees and the stars; You have a right to be here. And even: And whether or not it is clear to you, No doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
39. And for that dear dear child whom Oprah called a prophet, and he may well have been
40. Mattie Stepanek: The song
In my heart
Is so quiet.
Is so dark.
Is so fearful.
I dare not stay in
This abyss.
Though deep
And vast,
I am only halfway
Down.
Thus, I am
Already
Halfway up?
Let such words
Fall onto my heart,
And raise me from this depth.
41. And how he said something like he always sees the glass as half full because if you see it as half empty it might as well be empty.
42. And he said when asked by Oprah how he was (maybe a year or two before he died), he said something like this: healthwise I’m okay (smiling) excitementwise, I’m great!
43. That Sp just said, after we were talking and I was telling about yesterday’s Oprah show 3 people, “When I have a little pain, I have to remember there are people with leprosy.” And …”It’s like writing it on a chalkboard. And I have to put it in front of my face. And remember it. Because otherwise my mind goes to…Like the sun is never going to come out again. But that’s not true. It’s just between my ears. The sun comes out every day.” That kind of thing.
44. That I did go right to my (10 minutes today, it was 15 yesterday and 20 the day before) step work and immediately into my meditation. Both are hard for me to, because I like don’t *want* to. But I got to them both.
45. And already did a load of laundry today and it is 7:21 am: )
46. I today’s Voice of Recovery: “As we responded with action to the love we had been shown in OA, the result was a new faith in ourselves, in others, and in the power of that love.” OA 1 & 12 p. 17. That’s hopeful for me.
47. And, “Many OA people loved me until I learned to love myself. It was not until I could love myself that I recovered and did the needed work: used the tools, worked the Steps, lived the Traditions. It has been a long journey, but I have made it to the other side: I am happy, joyous, and free.” Wow. That’s hopeful.
48. My breath is back. Wasn’t deep for couple days. Is back. Deep. Thank God.
49. I realized I think I’d skipped a paxil on Monday night and that would possibly have contributed to my bad feelings.
50. And that maybe that cabbage wasn’t enough of the greens.
51. Yesterday I made a tray of: collards, spinach, broccoli, artichoke hearts, and crumbles with the Ezekial and teeny sprinkle of breadcrumbs and olive oil and little Earth Balance. It is veggie-filled *and * protein.
52. And I had some last night.
53. And I am having some for breakfast right now.
54. I like living in hope. I appreciate these times for it. And may I have more.
55. Before the horrible talk, the pretty swan with wings out on the lake.
56. And the yellow lilies by the second lake.
57. And me being with Phoebe for a little bit.
58. And Stephanie talking to me all this time.
59. And MA calling back. I will call her back again.
60. My one valium that I took.
61. And the phone while on with Stephanie – I don’t know yet who it was
62. That I lived through the worst and horrible talk.
63. That there is hope for me.
64. That I reached out to the vb (we’ll see what comes of it).
65. MA’s brilliance during out talk.
66. My dr. being there for me tonight too.
67. M. taking my call.
68. My dr. felt walking away the way I did *was * right.
69. I will go on doing the things I’m doing.
70. I’m very grateful that I *have been * doing them.
71. And the sky was gorgeous.
72. And I am alive.
73. And 3 people came on to support me on the vb.
74. Others have gotten through this and come out the other side.
75. You never know what happiness is in store.
76. J. must grow and so must I.
77. I do not need to be with someone who doesn’t want me/doesn’t love me. And I’m grateful for that.
78. And for my lessons.
79. And that I’m watching tv, two and a half men and house.
80. And that I ate dinner.
81. And it was a healthy dinner too.
82. And I didn’t buy as much at the grocery store today.
83. I can face what is.
84. And wish the very best for J.
85. I am not alone. God is with me. And God must have a plan for me.
86. I can wait.
87. I have things to do tomorrow.
88. I can use my computer while no tv hooked up, to do puzzle at d.r. table.
89. I will call someone about the grounds this very week. And start enjoying them.
90. There might be a group for me. Of people who have been through this.
91. I am a giving, self-honest, growing person, who some people love.
92. And I have been able to function for many years.
93. And I have a sense of humor.
94. And the pretty geese on the parkway this morning.
95. And that I went to that meeting.
96. And that it’s become a good meeting.
97. And that Je is so nice to me there.
98. And that I took my mother to the bank and shopping.
99. And that I still have her.
100. And that we will be together Thursday.