My One Hundred Gratitudes Today

I am grateful:

1. I did sleep last night. I don’t like the kind of dreams I had but I’m grateful that I slept.
2. I have not hurt myself.
3. There is still hope for us.
4. That I read our horoscopes for next week and they look good. And for the months when things were so bad, they did look bad. So maybe there’s something to that.
5. In today’s For Today: “For today: I am sure only of this day’s abstinence. I have no need to plan tomorrow’s abstinence or weight loss.”
6. Because “He that is too secure is not safe.” Thomas Fuller
7. Having a toilet. I am especially grateful for that right now, as mine isn’t working! Won’t fill. And that makes me aware of how I take for granted all the time, virtually wherever I am and of course at home, a toilet.
8. About 5, 6, and 7 above, and may I learn that lesson forever and ever in my new life with J that I hope we get to have and I am so grateful that that *may * come to pass.
9. That A. called me last night and we had a nice little talk.
10. Today’s In This Moment: “In This Moment, I am whole. I am one with the universe. I am a complete being. I reach to connect with my higher Power. I wish to know my soul’s aspirations. I feel strength from within to heal from within.
11. “I know another human being will not complete me. My Higher Power completes me. I am whole. I am one. I am worthy of love.”
12. “Nothing tastes as good as abstinence feels.” So true. Have heard it, I think, and it is in today’s Voices of Recovery.
13. And, “Today I know that immediate gratification is not the answer for me. Abstinence means exercise and sticking with the food plan that works for me.
14. “It gives me clarity, a sense of well-being, and the feeling that I am following God’s will.
15. And “Using the telephone and writing my feelings keeps me on track.
16. And this: “God, grant me the willingness to make health choices not only in the food I eat but also in my relationships, in my loving, and in my caring for others who are still suffering.”
17. I’m grateful that my Sp is still speaking to me after my sharing in Step Five.
18. And I’m grateful for the lesson in patience I’ve learned from it. Having to “hold onto it” because Sp was busy for a week or two, and then when I couldn’t breathe during that second session, and then when we (and mainly Sp) were so tired and had to re-schedule the third session. Because this lesson is patience is apparently an important one during all the steps (and life, I guess).
19. That I had only one small cup of coffee this am, and am now steeping a cup of green tea. I m awake enough, and don’t want to be jittery.
20. That the toilet will flush now. Not with tissues, but I can use a bag for them until I get this worked out.
21. From the Daily Recovery e-mail: I am seeing that when I am worrying
about something, I have not turned it
over to my Higher Power, and I am
continuing to act from my own
self-will. Or, I did turn it over to my
Higher Power, but didn't really trust
Him to take care of it, and so I took it
back!”
22. And “I had a breakthrough, just a couple of
days ago, concerning worry. I was
concerned about a decision my husband
and I had to make and it was so far
beyond my ability to see into the future
that I gave up and prayed for
help. Somehow I let go and let
God. Suddenly a beautiful stillness and
peace came over me. I felt calmer than I
had in years ... very calm and still and
at peace. I felt completely reassured
that God was handling my "decision" and
that God was completely competent to do
so.”
WOW!
23. And ONE DAY AT A TIME . . .
I abandon worry. I let go and let God,
and enjoy the serenity and peace of
trust in God.
24. And from another one: "The final wisdom of life requires not
the annulment of incongruity but the
achievement of serenity with and above
it." Reinhold Niebuhr
25. From a Daily OM: Conscious Evolution
Being Aware is the First Step
Awareness is the first step to creating change in any situation, without it, there would be no desire for change.
25. That I have done another prayer request in 3 places, 2 e-mail accounts and the online recovery group. May God help our marriage. I am glad I did ask for the prayers. And in some cases the thoughts and vibes too.
26. That I will take a shower soon now.
27. I’m grateful that I’ll take my mother to the bank and shopping. I don’t want to at all. But I’m grateful that she’s alive and in my life. And that I can do this for her.
28. And for all she’s done for me.
29. And that I’ll probably go to a meeting first, which is good for me too, I think.
30. Hope. (Repeat so I’ll do extra)
31. The urge/need to urinate. Which is getting me off the couch right now. Because I’m feeling very fat yet small and scared and lazy or something and do not want to shower. But that will get me moving.
32. That I have now (accidentally) come upon the OA Workbook. It was in my top drawer. And boy, panicking or even worrying wouldn’t have helped that and I’m sure so glad I didn’t
33. That I did shower and do some shaving and wash my hair.
34. And have clean (though not 100% dry lol) clothes to put on.
35. And will now straighten, and drive to meeting (or Sp’s to pick up that book).
36. And call mother and then take her.
37. And *then * talk to J.
38. God, thank you for all your blessings. I know I’m asking for more a lot now (about marriage). So thank you big for all my blessing.
39. Okay. I’m nervous, of course. Sometimes a seed of okay inside, sometimes terror. But I *believe * saying yes to at least *trying * *something * is highly possible. In any event, even a few minutes ago when I felt terrified, I was coming on to say there are still things for which I am grateful. Like that I went to a meeting this morning.
40. That I even have *access * to the meetings.
41. That this one does all the tools and reads the book and I think that’s good program.
42. That I spoke and people seemed to listen and care.
43. That E called back after my call back after his (program) call
44. That Sh gave me care today.
45. That I gave Ja care today.
46. That I got to the bank and shopping with my mother and she got what she needed
47. And so did I.
48. And I didn’t go so overboard.
49. And that she’s having her best friend, M, over for dinner tonight! Yay, Mom!
50. And that I think, one way or another, we’ll have her here within a week or so for dinner too. Or just me if J is out late…
51. That I drove safely both ways, and saw lots of nature.
52. And that I am about to go cook now.
53. And watch Golden Girls or Supernanny on my computer while I do : )
54. And that I just remembered to put on a shirt to wear as an apron, so my white shirt stays clean. Yes, I’m grateful for even that.
55. That I just made the “Braised Cabbage and Arborio Rice” dish from med. Veg. Kit, except I used more about double the carrots and onions, and more cabbage and I added celery (2 sticks) and lots more broth (low-sodium) and some water, and I subbed barley instead of Arborio rice!
56. And it looks just right and smells great!
57. And – then I took lots of stuff I had around, like 2 onions, all the rest of that head of cabbage, a couple of carrots, about 4 – 5 celery sticks with some greens on them, some parsley, garlic poweder and dried oregano and pepper (but not salt because will puree and share with mother if tastes good) and can organic black beans drained and rinsed, oil (AT THE BEGINNING), hot pep, and a large can of stewed tomatoes.
58. And I think it will turn out nice too!
59. And! – I also made my vegan pesto. This time I put 1 container lite firm tofu, 3-4 cloves fresh garlic, some oil – maybe 4 T?, some water because blender seemed to need it, 1 box frozen spinach good brand defrosted in microwave, lots of fresh parsley – like maybe more than the spinach!, nice amount dried oregano, about half a bunch of scallions, and did food processor setting, stirred in between over and over, then did puree…
60. I tasted it and it’s yum.
61. I have no compulsion to overeat or eat badly so far for today!
62. When I came in to get the Gold Girls disc (for the first time in many many months, certainly more than 4 if you know what I mean), so I could have it on my computer in the d.r. while I was cooking, I had a peaceful feeling. A moment of peace. Real. Like whatever happens.
63. And I stopped right there and thanked God for that!
64. And I am sitting in the den now watching some Golden Girls, and I’m enjoying doing this.
65. And I’m about to have the other sandwich from hfs (even though it’s 10 to 4 I haven’t felt hungry and now I do).
66. Okay, well the hfs sandwich had gone bad (even though I’d been so careful about checking the date: ( And I was actually tempted to remove parts and eat it anyway! But I’m so glad I didn’t.
67. And I had something else, similar to what I had last night.
68. "Shooting stars come out of the darkness.” Unknown Author In toda’s Recovery Meditation
69. Wow. And this too. Which is so similar to a discussion at a recent meeting too. Today I am wading through guilt and
shame as I try to step into the
Light. My ankles are mired in
unfulfilled visions and lost
dreams. Childhood voices scream at me of
my Potential. What are you doing? You're
smart, talented, and beautiful. What are
you doing with your life? You have the
capacity for a great job, why do you
loll in mediocrity? You're close to
thinness, why can't you eat less? You
could be beautiful, why don't you take
more time with your hair, makeup, have
manicures or plastic surgery? Why do you
hover around "good enough"?

I remember when I had all these things,
I wanted different things. The voices
remind me I am not perfect, only a
perfectionist. My goals remind me of
what I lack. My tears remind me I am not
what I preach. My Higher Power reminds
me I am still on the easel, and grateful
for my journey. My darkness reminds me I
live in the Light.
70. And this too: ONE DAY AT A TIME . . .I seek the light of recovery that is
seeking me.
71. That I was able to not answer more during that phone call with E than I wanted to answer.
72. My mother said she was proud of me. She said that to me today. It felt so nice.
73. And it was about all that I cooked, which made *her * happy. And that makes *me * feel good.
74. I am glad I got to speak with M a bit. And we both think a maybe, let’s try something is possible!
75. Okay well he’s not coming. And maybe not tomorrow either. And wants to go Wed but not to go together and act like everything’s okay. Ouch. So what am I grateful for in this? That I didn’t get a no.
76. And that he did say about talking about it and getting into it. Of course if he wanted me it wouldn’t be something he’s tense about doing when his neck hurts, and he wouldn’t want to wait longer, and he *would * feel *guilty * about putting it off, not just stressed about us not telling people. And he did say about not wanting to get into it on the phone. So none of that is good. But, there is still hope. He has *some * feelings for me, I think, straight and pure, like wanting me to go out and have fun tonight. And I feel like maybe there’s stuff to talk about. (Unless he’s just planning to make it a long explanation of the no).
77. I am proud of myself so grateful for the fact that I *did * pray for his meeting, with open heart.
78. Tbat I can go to a Nar-anon meeting tonight. I hope it helps me.
79. Maybe J and I can go to Mark and Emily’s and just say something like, “Challenging times right now but we’re so happy to be here.” Something like that.
80. I can maybe ask my doctor, too.
81. I am grateful that I have phone lists of oa people
82. And others
83. And I have God so I am never truly alone.
84. And some people are praying for me.
85. And for us.
86. And I will put that pot of soup in the fridge and puree and share some with my mother and eat out of the rest for days. It’s good for me.
87. B. and her wonderful example of living in a state of gratitude even though her beloved died. And she remains abstinent and is not unhappy, is at the least content. And okay.
88. Miracles do happen and I’m grateful for that.
89. And that what I need/want is less than a miracle, actually! So I well might get it!
90. That even on days when it’s difficult, I do do the hundred gratitudes.
91. That in ch 1 of the oa 12 & 12 it talks about even if lose all the weight, still not happy. And fact it, when I was thin, I certainly wasn’t happy. So I can totally relate to that.
92. And since my *life * *and * my food had become unmanageable, and more and more so, it’s further evidence not just that I need this program, but that this program can help me.
93. I sat in the l.r. and read for a few minutes this evening.
94. I’m scared but I’m not suicidal.
95. I am grateful for the traditions, and that I understand them more now, as opposed to years ago at na when I’d never seen them and hadn’t a clue.
96. That I have something to do tonight. Or to just rest. The choice.
97. That I will probably learn about the decades of the Rosary soon.
98. That I can print the stuff Monday for Tuesday. I checked, and I can.
99. People who love to make other people laugh, and not at the expense of others.
100. That I bought magazines today. Soon I hope not to, but for now.