I am grateful:
1. For my little address book of phone numbers, and the comfort it gives me.
2. That I dreamt about the importance of making phone calls last night. Maybe that will get me into really making them.
3. That every single time I have ever turned on the tap, fresh water has come out.
4. That the beatification of Pope John Paul II yesterday made me feel holy things.
5. Knowing now that it is not J’s job to do my life. To make me safe, secure, happy, fulfilled, enough. It is my job.
6. I’m grateful that the archbishop even talked about that at the royal wedding.
7. In today’s In This Moment, it says, “On this moment, I am. I exist. I am no longer a cringing shadow in the corner.”
8. Today’s Voices of Recovery talks about talking to God in any way, as I talk to my beset friend. Saying whatever I need to say. “I seek guidance, ask for strength, and most of all, I say ‘Thank You.’”
9. For Je telling me about the angel Daniel and marriage.
10. This morning, I don’t have cravings for food or overeating, and I also don’t have that feeling like I just don’t like food. I have kind of no feeling about food. Just that I will take some today, 3 x, for nutrients for my body and energy and emotional state. I’m very grateful for that.
11. That there is hope. May God continue to guide me, and J. toward the hope and the future together.
12. That I have done all my morning work, including step work and meditation, and the birds were singing and I could hear them throughout.
13. That I pray for peace in this world and maybe many others do too.
14. Audrey Hepburn for the work she did in her later years (decades?)
15. Mother Teresa
16. Pope John Paul II
17. My adorable students today. Cute, sweet, trying to do the right thing, working, being nice, earning stickers and marbles.
18. They’re like 3rd graders now.
19. And I said that and little M said, “Well we *are * almost 3rd graders.” Cute
20. That M feels better and we *will * go to the meeting together.
21. That I’ll be going there in a few minutes to eat dinner with them. Nice. Then from there we’ll go.
22. That I’m *thinking * more, at least, about hobbies.
23. And not wasting the sunroom. But making it into something for us if he comes back, and if he doesn’t, n art studio, or a wicker chairs read and drink tea kind of a room.
24. That I’m praying hard and trying to let go and let God.
25. And that I’ve been sort of ok most of this day
26. That the faculty meeting got out early
27. And had a lot of laughs.
28. And I’ve come out of myself a bit more.
29. That I spoke with Sp about when to do and when to let go and let God. It’s the big question, for everyone, Sp says.
30. That I did all I could up to the certain point with my letter, and really believed it was time to send it.
31. That MA’s friend J’s husband left for a *year * before coming back.
32. And someone on sp sp said she and her husband were apart for two years but then got back. Those both give me some hope.
33. That I will eat an abstinent dinner and go home and do my drops and pills, have a healthy abstinent snack (maybe) and go to bed after the meeting.
34. That I just filled my gas tank.
35. That I am looking out at a garden and lots of yellow weeks (I forget what they’re called) and it looks like a meadlow.
36. That our song is coming along so cute
37. That M. confided the big thing in me last night
38. And I wasn’t scandalized (I’m grateful for her sake)
39. And maybe that means Sp won’t be so scandalized by what I have to say either. ?
40. Made nice schedule yesterday
41. Will today too
42. Gave kids nice day
43. The way I prayed in the morning helped
44. Remembered to call my mother. I’m so glad for hat because I don’t want her to worry
45. May have finally learned now that eating at night gives me nightmares. (Or is it tv? Or the combination? I don’t know but I certainly didn’t *need * the extra food, and if I truly was hungry for protein, I could have had just a piece of protein. Or waited and eaten differently today.) I think I may finally have that lessen. And am grateful for that.
46. That I did get to that meeting. It’s a strain. Late, tired,…But so positive. Finally a room like described in the big book, full of happy and laughing people.
47. That I hear about the tools.
48. That I had terrible nightmares last night. Because they may have helped me realize about the not eating late. Finally.
49. And because some piece of it was about step 5, and at least I get to start that today and see what happens.
50. That it wasn’t “painful” to make the coffee this morning, even though I am so very tired.
51. That I ate at M’s yesterday
52. And she insisted on paying for the Chinese food for me.
53. And Je had to have me come in her room and play.
54. That I was welcoming to me.
55. That M got a sponsor!
56. That I did thank God last night.
57. That I’m beginning to learn to do the real and the metaphorical, “Trust in God but buy broccoli.”
58. That someone else looked at my blog and told me she really liked the simplicity and honesty of it.
59. That I think maybe God *will * heal us. And maybe that’s why I keep hearing that tune which may be from Phantom of the Opera and may be that one that had J feeling overwhelming love for me
60. Something about Osama Bin Laden being killed. I don’t know what. Maybe that although I believe he was evil and am glad he’s gone, I don’t love the war or anything about war. Of course they brought it here to us. But I think what I’m grateful about is that I didn’t feel vengeful elation like at other J and Ma’s when Saddam Hussein was killed. That’s all.
61. That I am trying to and learning to fill myself.
62. That I made the kids laugh a number of times yesterday.
63. That they are learning the math
64. That my district may get to do alternative assessments.
65. That I’m not being forced to do the garden.
66. That I do have parents to come to the trip tomorrow.
67. That I helped D not to be so nasty, inappropriate and wrong writing her request for the parent names yesterday.
68. That I’m less quick to anger than I used to be. I see that in how quick to judge and be angry she is. I still have quite a ways to go because sometimes I feel it, but less severely, less often, and I don’t have to act on it.
69. That I’m realizing I was so crazy and only knew to “meet J” where I thought he would give me recognition. Even if horrible. And I don’t want to be that way anymore.
70. That maybe M will come with me to the S am meeting. Because I think she needs to try more than the one. And to meet more people too.
71. That I got to see and chat with Sh last night. I love her. And I *think * she’s happy to see me too.
72. That B said yesterday she’d like to get together with me soon, maybe next week.
73. That Marc was happy to see me, and kind, and apologetic about saying she felt I was having a hard time or something that day in the teacher’s room.
74. That I had my pasta fagioli of my mother’s recipe for lunch yesterday.
75. That my lunch is already for me at school today.
76. That I am still wanting simpler and simpler foods. Like hummus on wh wh bread is more appealing than broccoli with garlic sauce. My veggie casserole lite is more appealing than spanikopita…
77. In today’s For Today: “Nothing has more strength than dire necessity.” Euripides It’s so true. As horribly painful as this has all been – HORRIBLY – it is the only thing that got my attention and the only time I’ve TRULY started to make the changes and grow. (May it end now lol!)
78. And, “Rock bottom is a place where change becomes a dire necessity. I must change or die.” Yes.
79. Is what “…pried open my closed mind and let in visions of a life beyond my wildest imaginings.” Wow.
80. I needed – need to learn this too: “Today, my admission of powerlessness is the dire necessity that gives me the strength I need to go on living and functioning …” My admission of powerlessness.
81. I’m grateful/glad that I sort of take a little 1st, 2nd, and 3rd step each day now.
82. It says, “Today, my admission of powerlessness is the dire necessity that gives me the strength I need to go on living and functioning as a responsible, contributing member of society. I am abstinent, I work the twelve-step program of recovery as well as I can each day, I go to meetings and I stay in touch with OA members.” So that’s, “…abstinence, 12 steps working it, meetings, and staying in touch with OA member.” Okay. So I do keep getting drawn back to the tools. The Sa meeting, the Mo meeting, the lists that sound like the tools, in the books,…
83. And finally: “For today: Nothing gives me more strength than abstinence. It is the Number one necessity in my life.
84. What a good week this can be for my program and life’s growth. Went to a meeting Sun, socialized with OA people Sun, Went to meeting Mon, will see Sp for step 5 today, dr tomorrow and meeting if I want, coda Thursday. Wow. I’m fortunate!
85. In This Moment today: “Before recovery, I spent many years hiding, never being honest with anyone – family, friends, co-workers, myself, and most of all, God. I didn’t even know I was being dishonest. All of my self-centeredness, self-pity and self-will had to go. As a result of working the Third Step, I surrendered my will and my life over to God. I am grateful for my recovery and the changes I have made. I’m a new person. I thank God, because now I know what it means to start anew.”
86. Not to repeat, and I will add one at the end, but, “I am grateful for my recovery and the changes I have made. I’m a new person. I thank god, because now I know what it means to start anew.” Wow. That’s a promise, or feels like one anyway. May it be true for me!
87. The convention is right here in the fall.
88. And we don’t have to pay for hotels, so many of us live so close.
89. And we don’t have to do anything to plan it; another group (region?) is.
90. And I believe this time I will learn a lot from it.
91. And this time my recovery is not all about food.
92. In today’s Voices of Recovery, “I am most grateful to those two OA friends and encourage others not to forget the folks we haven’t seen for awhile. We need them and they may need us.”
93. That there really *are * (over) a HUNDRED things to be grateful for in my life, each day. Even at this, the hardest time I’ve ever had.
94. Well, the most challenging. Scary. Maybe painful. But I’m growing.
95. That I haven’t been a burden to MA in a long time now, I think.
96. That I’m able to use the right thumb for typing again now. Daily. I appreciate my right thumb.
97. The cute little innocent children feet, like little Je, barefoot and with wet hair and her princess nightgown, wanting to go play outside last night. So cute.
98. That some of the kids love math.
99. My timer.
100. I’m starting to wake up inside.
101. My Royal Doulton little doggies.
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