I am grateful:
1. I am grateful for the gift of life today. Truly. Finally.
2. That I’m not feeling like doing nothing but blaming myself this morning. But also like rejoicing.
3. And might just go with K. to church.
4. I think I shall call Ro from OA, and offer to help her get started.
5. In today’s For Today: “Strength is seeing the truth about myself in an accepting, loving light.”
6. And “It is doing what is necessary with kindness and respect for myself and the people around me.”
7. And “The truly strong have no need to be hard or unjust toward themselves or others.”
8. It’s all big here today. And this biggy: “For today: I see my growing strength in the gentleness and consideration with which I treat people, including those who are closest to me.”
9. In today’s Voices of Recovery: “When the individual accepts, on an unconscious level, the reality of not being able to handle compulsive overeating, there is no residual battle.” OA 2nd Ed. P. 238
10. And this: “I know I cannot walk through a brick wall, and I’ve totally accepted this fact, so I don’t try. I don’t even resent the fact that I can’t do it. When I accept Step One as completely as this, I am easily abstinent. I am free.”
11. In today’s The Language of Letting Go (Melodie Beattie, leant to me by K) it says: “Willpower is not the key to the way of life we are seeking. Surrender is.”
12. And it goes on to talk about having spent a lifetime “…trying to make people be, do or feel something they aren’t, don’t want to do, and choose not to feel. I have made them, and myself, crazy in that process.”
13. And: “What I’m saying is this: I’ve spent much of my life desperately and vainly trying t do the impossible and feeling like a failure when I couldn’t.”
14. And: “It’s been like planting corn and trying to make the seeds grow peas. Won’t work!”
15. Wow. And this: “’By surrendering to powerlessness, I gain the presence of mind to stop wasting my time and energy trying to change and control that which I cannot change and control. It gives me permission to stop trying to do the impossible and focus on what is possible: being who I am, loving myself, feeling what I feel, and doing what I want to do with life.’”
16. And this: “In recovery, we learn to stop fighting lions, simply because we cannot win. We also learn that the more we are focused on controlling and changing others, the more unmanageable our life becomes. The more we focus on living our own [OWN] life, the more we have a life to live, and the more manageable our life will become.”
17. And: “Today, I will accept powerlessness where I have no power to change things, and I’ll allow my life to become manageable.”
18. That although I’m very up and down today, I have had moments of being okay doing my stuff. Like that time I went by J’s when he was at DeW’s, unexpectedly, and with a problem I’m sure, and saw him in the kitchen cooking up some hot dogs and that lima bean veggie frozen veg thing and maybe sauerkraut, and seeming so at ease and okay there alone making dinner for self to eat alone. And I was so jealous of that. And I felt that this morning in the kitchen here. Thank you, God.
19. That I just talked to MA.
20. And we *are * having dinner tonight, she and her niece and I.
21. And that I did meditate. And it was beautiful.
22. And “looking at” the flowers, with eyes blurred, was so nice and added a lot. And cheerfulness. Like an upbeat meditation instead of a serious one. Better. And more TNH anyway, I believe!
23. That I only have to do reading today for my Step work lol : )
24. That I went to the meeting and it was a good meeting.
25. That the newest person lead.
26. And that I did some service by chairs, timing, and reporting on the sending of the money to intergroup.
27. That I did get to go to lunch afterward, with two other people.
28. That they don’t seen to see me as an intrusion.
29. That I had a healthy abstinent lunch (though next time I am going back to what I had the first time, which is half the amount and take the rest home).
30. That we laughed at the meeting.
31. That the two people at lunch were nice to me.
32. We were all nice to each other.
33. I had a nice time.
34. No problems getting home.
35. MA called. Not to cancel, but to confirm.
36. And while she was thinking of canceling tomorrow’s lunch with ML, now thinks she might not, since I might come along.
37. That I took apart my two colorforms “arts.”
38. And make one new one, combining material from both.
39. And that I think I shall make the sunroom into a happy-room. Like, table on which to do jigsaw puzzles. (Might need to hook up tv from d.r. or one in there.)
40. And a place to paint! (with a TARP under!!!!)
41. And a loveseat thingy for sitting and doing needlepoint or reading or having tea (little table near)
42. Get the wrought iron stuff outside. So, like easel by back of house, in far corner maybe, sofa thing by front window – or maybe little chair – wicker with upholstery, something like that – with little table, and something nicer than card table in middle for jigsaw puzzles, manifestation board, some painting, whatever.. That might be just perfect: )
43. And I will find a way to deal with the treadmill (maybe behind loveseat) and the reiki table, though no idea where – maybe block J’s closet for now?
44. That piece of glass I found in driveway, which J. said is a table top that he “needs to get rid of,” so I may have it for painting!
45. That I had a nice phone talk with K this morning.
46. That maybe next Sun I can go with her to the 5*pm * church thing!: ) ?
47. That there was a message from O.
48. And she does want to see for piano and friendship catching-up. And *will * let me have *one * lesson a month, shorter, and of course cheaper.
49. And that I returned that message and left one for her.
50. That Ma this morning talked to me afterward about mindfulness.
51. And I got two L hugs (one for last week: )
52. That I’m realizing everything isn’t an emergency. Yay. This is huge. Like, I’m a little nervous sometimes about the list of things that need doing. But just like the sink worked out, the toilet will, and I will approach the others when I can - *and none of them is life threatening to me or anyone else.
53. And I like that the topic I picked for SpSp today later was the exact same topic the leader picked at our meeting!
54. And that Temple Grandor was mentioned and discussed a little at lunch. And how “she could really feels what the cow were feeling, going through.” Maybe more people *are * beginning to think – after all, I[‘m not the one who said that: )
55. That I realized I can call Mar for grounds guy’s number, do not have to call J.
56. That M just called me. From the pool with her girls. I am so glad to hear from her (twice in one day!). And that she wants to hear my voice.
57. And I’m grateful that they are happy there.
58. Tomorrow I will do laundry, lots of it.
59. And take a walk – with Ph. And count it for my 1/3 or the 20- minute walks I committed to K.
60. And probably have lunch with MA, ML, and MA’s niece
61. I’ve kind of enjoyed House Hunters and House Hunters International today.
62. I am grateful that I just did the Process Writing thins ending with the prayer, as K. taught me yesterday.
63. That it is really okay to relax and to rest.
64. And to sleep.
65. That I know exactly where we’re going to dinner, and exactly what I can order and that it is abstinent, healthy, veggies and fruits and a little protein and bread, and satisfying and yummy and price-okay: )
66. That I did talk to my mother twice today.
67. Perhaps I’ll invite her and Marilyn to tea tomorrow early evening? Or a meeting tomorrow night?
68. That I listened to classical music – mainly piano – in the car both ways meeting and back today – and really enjoyed it.
69. And found a much cheaper gas station (after one of the women told me about it) and will probably use it next Sunday!: )
70. That I will read the ACoC (Adult Children of Alcoholics) book in bed tonight, probably.
71. I had the dinner visit with MA and her niece.
72. We had a nice time.
73. I was able to hold up my end of the conversation, politely, intelligently, and fun.
74. I ate great.
75. J. called. Good thing because I’d forgotten about the time and him and to pick up Ph soon. Which is good too.
76. And I got through the seeing him.
77. And I gifted him with fresh blueberries.
78. And Ph was so happy to see me! All waggly and following me upstairs into the bathroom and everything!
79. And she’ll be here until at least Tuesday! And I don’t care if I have to change my schedule to make it work!
80. And I shall sleep with her in bed together yay.
81. And she’s happy both there and here. Yay.
82. And J. bathed her yay.
83. And soon it will be summer and she can be here much more!
84. And I will walk 20 minutes (or more) with her tomorrow. And play with her. And cuddle her.
85. And I did my early pm CoDa work. And am about to do my PM CoDA work.
86. I love my body right now. I can honestly say I love my body. Fat, out of shape, not traditionally fit and beautiful in that way right now but I accept, appreciate, and love my body. And I am so grateful for that!
87. Beautiful weather tonight! Warmish with a lovely breeze!
88. No accident on way home. Actually thought about, well, you know, but didn’t. And saw an accident-accident.
89. The altar info I got fr Mos today
90. And the altar info I got from Fr
91. Did my drops and pill and will go to bed soon.
92. Mixed up and a bit sad and scared but really feel mostly good.
93. Decided what/where to get MA’s gift. I think she’ll love it and if not it is returnable (and right next to where I work: ) And I don’t have to spend too much either.
94. Soon her linden tree will smell gorgeous and I’ll be there.
95. My petunias still smell heavenly as I walk toward my door.
96. My home is starting to feel like a nice nest for me.
97. I *might * be able to get some fragrant flowers put it. Otherwise, impatiens.
98. I will be able to have morning coffee and do some/all of my morning work outside for months now! Soon!!
99. I’m just chillin’ tonight.
100. Colorforms are such a non-threatening way to do my art.
101. And I’m glad I told the kids about them too.
No comments:
Post a Comment