I am grateful:
1. That money being what/where it is these days, I still have food and gas and stopped at hfs yesterday.
2. That I will have veggies for breakfast and for lunch today.
3. That I’m starting to think of them as medicine.
4. That although I felt sort of floopy and I’m drained and feeling it in my voice and my chest, I have not gotten sick.
5. That yesterday’s lunchtime meeting about F. went so well.
6. That there is a trip this morning. And although I am shy, at least I don’t have to do very much while feeling sick.
7. That I’ve bee able to afford program books. I even have one in my pocket book I’ve never even opened yet.
8. That we’ll *probably * be able to get help for F. for next year.
9. That I gave the colorforms to Je. (through M)
10. In today’s For Today: “Alas, it is not enough to want to be rid of the unpleasant side effects of my illness. I need to be willing to give up that which attracts me in the first place: the gratification, sedation, or whatever other payoff I get for practicing my compulsion.” Me - the sedation. Wow.
11. “For Today: I surrender that compulsive overeating means to me, trusting God to put something incomparably better in its place.”
12. Self – haven’t you found the Helen Keller words deeper? Aren’t you growing all the time? Why not trust God to put something better in its (the compulsive eating’s) place?
13. Today’s In This Moment – lonely – “desperately grasping at others to fill that void.” Now in CoDA, I do something different (even hug pillow and talk to self way wish mother did to me…)
14. In today’s Voices of Recovery: “Compulsive eating is an insidious disease. Many of the attitudes and beliefs we’ve clung to are also faulty and insidious. We always have to be on the lookout for them.”
15. And it goes on to describe that we need to *keep * doing the work. That as we recover we may have a tendency to slack of but it is the work that got us this far in recovery, so we need to continue: attending as many meetings as we used to, making as many phone calls, having a sponsor, giving as much service as before, planning our food and being rigorously honest about it, keep studying and living the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions to the best of our ability.
16. “…in OA there are no laurels. There is only today, and only the actions we take for our program today…”
17. I enjoy learning. I enjoy this morning work, most of it, and the doing of it. They typing. The reading and feeling gratitude in the reading, the spiritual work. I need to also do some exercise. But I am truly grateful for enjoying *this * process.
18. K’s niece’s gorgeous voice.
19. That those parents do still want to take me to lunch. I’m horribly shy about the whole thing, but still…
20. CoDA Workbook p. 9 “Developing a genuine interest in taking care of ourselves and honoring our intuition becomes a priority.”
21. “As we let go of the need to control others, we begin to focus on that which we can take care of: OURSELVES.”
22. “When we are connected with ourselves and this Step, we begin to have faith that we are capable of changing, and we learn to release our fears.”
23. “We begin to recognize we are worthwhile and valuable.”
24. Yay I got myself to do 10 minutes of CoDA work.
25. It felt good when I emptied the dishwasher just now. Like I accomplished something I should.
26. There is really nothing horribly scary in this day. Really.
27. Dr. Paul Olsen – p. 417 – Acceptance is the key.
28. Sp telling me *again * about this today.
29. And how it goes with Helen Keller’s words to the soldiers. (Last quote of hers in my yesterday’s gratitudes).
30. My skin cream stuff came yesterday.
31. Hope (I will add an extra as this is a repeat).
32. Cl, one of the nicest kids I’ve ever taught, walking in and asking for the Helen Keller book I read the class.
33. And the next kid coming in and asking for another one
34. That I *didn’t * get in that head-on collision yesterday, when so tired and made such a stupid driving decision – twice!
35. That Tr is back!:) (was out yesterday)
36. Most of the shadows of this life are
caused by standing in one's own
sunshine.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
37. I’m grateful that the trip went so well.
38. And that no parents came. We didn’t need them, and my shyness was not a factor.
39. And that marbles were earned today
40. And stickers
41. And I see my dr. later
42. And am really really really working on being strong.
43. And that I’ve decided I *will * go to the concert thing Sunday. It’s important for me to do things.
44. That K did offer the free ticket to J.; that she thought of us
45. The gorgeous orchid on my desk
46. And the really cute “planted apple” next to it
47. With a real clay pot
48. That Jar’s mother told me his spider plant baby from last year also has a baby: )
49. That I eat in the faculty room now and chat with others.
50. That I’m giving them the time to do their Fl.St. work
51. That I touched that sweet chinchilla today.
52. And that we all did.
53. And that it made Tr think, looking at its little face.
54. And maybe some of the kids too.
55. And that I fed the little piece of carrot to the guinea pig.
56. And we all did.
57. And that we were considerate of the little rabbit.
58. And the kids were happy
59. And they learned some stuff.
60. And that I gave them recess afterward.
61. And that it was in the other yard.
62. And that they loved it.
63. And for so many of the talks Tr and I have.
64. And Gl and I too.
65. That I tped Mad’s story for her for the spelling editing and then she will re-copy.
66. For “A cartoon mouse can only try.”
67. That I am good enough.
68. That we are good enough.
69. That my work is good enough.
70. That Tr’s daughter really said how very nice I was and how she wished she’d had me for a teacher (to her mom)
71. That their work (my students’) is good enough.
72. That I get that.
73. That Sp said was sorry couldn’t accommodate me yesterday
74. That Gl’s son-in-law didn’t get injured in that horrible accident last Saturday
75. That there is hope for me and J.
76. That this white shirt I’m wearing fits better than it used to: )
77. That I gave my pear to Gle.
78. That my values are better than the used to be.
79. That it says in Recovery Meditations: Thank You, God, for always loving and
accepting me right where I am, and
working with me, even when I am not
willing to give You much to work
with. It is so comforting to know that
wherever I am, whether I am willing and
open, or have once again shut myself off
from the Light of Your Spirit, You will
meet me there and provide whatever is
necessary for me to keep on.
80. And that it says
81. God, Help me to be willing to reach out
to You, good day or bad. Keep me mindful
that my conscious contact with You makes
even the best day better, and the worst
day tolerable.
82. And that in the Daily Om, it talks about the universe being able to give us what we desire. And it says: To ask for something does not mean to beg or plead from a place of lack or unworthiness. It’s like placing an order—we don’t need to beg the salesperson for what we want or prove to them that we deserve to have it. It is their job to give us what we ask for; we only have to tell them what we want.
83. And Once we have a clear vision of what we desire, we simply step into the silent realm where all possibilities exist and let our desires be known. Whatever methods we use to become still, it is important that we find the quiet space between our thoughts.
84. And From that still and quiet place, we can announce our intentions to the pure energy of creation. By imagining all the details from every angle, including scent, color, and how it would feel to have it, we design our dreams to our specifications. Similar to dropping a pebble into a pond, the ripples created by our thoughts travel quickly from this place of stillness, echoing out into the world to align and orchestrate all the necessary details to bring our desires into manifestation.
85. And Before leaving this wonderful space to come back to the world, release any attachment to the outcome and express gratitude. By doing this daily, we focus our thoughts and our energy while regularly mingling with the essence that makes it possible to build the life of our dreams.
86. That M gave me the homework for tonight
87. That I will start the dra’s on Fri
88. That they are printed
89. That the trees on M Ave were so beautiful coming home today. And I was under a gorgeous canopy.
90. That it isn’t bad news about J’s mother, regarding this coming Sunday.
91. That I can go to a meeting tonight. Even a very close one.
92. That I have decided to stay in and relax tonight.
93. And will watch Fergie on Oprah
94. And go to sleep early. These are luxuries
95. And that I think I had a useful session with my doctor (but I need sleep, and am taking it: )
96. I am grateful that he is still able to walk
97. And that he had a *lot * of orange juice. He said, “I don’t want to drink all your juice…” when I offered him more. But I did give him 2 glasses and a huge glass, so like 4 glasses: )
98. And he was not sick like last week and recently before that: )
99. And that I finally got to the meditation thread (after missing yesterday!)
100. And there are 2 new people on it! : )
101. Hope (but that’s a repeat so more extra(s))
102. That I do enjoy Two and a Half Men. It’s good to enjoy anything.
103. That Sunday is *not * about a talk-things-through-meeting without me
104. That I’m starting to learn that everything isn’t about me.
That tomorrow I will finally get to give away my Step Four.
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