I am grateful:
1. I finished administering the DRA’s today.
2. Principal let me leave early today because of the family situation.
3. P. did dismiss for me.
4. That someone shared that she sent out love when saw confederate flag and flag was down and people had moved. Now I don’t know if they’ve changed or will ever change their ideas, but maybe. And I’m glad she shared that thought.
5. We laughed so much at lunch today.
6. Sp said today that I’m “ahead of the game.”
7. And shared about own journal. And that NOT perfectly there yet. But happy in life and has serenity and trying out and learning new ways to live life all the time.
8. I did not have an accident on the way home.
9. Was able to fill my car yesterday, even despite the gas prices.
10. That I can get to the meeting tonight.
11. And that it is so close.
12. That my dr. is coming today.
13. That I learn things from some of the intervention shows.
14. EJs e-mail to me.
15. The things I’ve recently been putting into my digital recorder.
16. My Times God Has Helped Me document (in progress).
17. My Assets document (in progress).
18. Hope. (Repeat, so will add extra).
19. That principal asked, and sincerely, if I was okay. I appreciate.
20. That I have had veggies at lunch and at dinner today.
21. That a new person commented on my blog! Thanking me for sharing and saying she is reading it!
22. And I then e-mailed her.
23. And she e-mailed back.
24. And I supported her too!
25. I will ask her if she’d like me to add her to my prayer list.
26. The Hazeldon books I’ve been looking up.
27. That I realize I am addicted to J. To the relationship. To the potential. To the fantasy. To the idea of it all.
28. And I need help.
29. And will go to CoDA this week. And work that program.
30. I am grateful that it is available.
31. And that I brought my big yellow bag with helpful tings in it to school today.
32. And that although I took one xanax Monday, I did not need anything yesterday or today. Thought could use, but didn’t need and didn’t take.
33. That I *am * growing.
34. That I *am * in touch with my Higher Power.
35. Lessons I’ve learned from Oprah.
36. Lessons I’ve tried to learn from Oprah.
37. Any speckle of confidence I can have.
38. The oak tree is gorgeous right now. Right now in time and right now this very moment with the breeze blowing its lush leaves.
39. Princess Diana.
40. Mother Teresa
41. Gandhi
42. Seeing eye dogs
43. Every vegetarian
44. Every vegan
45. Maya Angelou
46. Jesus
47. Buddha
48. The Dali Llama
49. “…you have to make a living. I understand that. But you also have to know what sparks the light in you so that you in your own way can illuminate the world.” Oprah today
50. Sister Agnes telling me how special that one sub was “so special.” She said, “She’s had cancer!” And I learned/tried ot learn from that sub.
51. And Oprah said something like this:Mine is in a studio – your stage is wherever you are – with whatever is your own reach. That is your platform, stage, circle of influence, talk show, and that is where your power lies. And every day you are showing others through your actions…
52. “You have the power to change somebody’s life. The power is the same. Everybody has a calling.”
53. And here are more things she said here and below: It may be your skill at listening, your talent for nurturing or mothering. …does not have to be fame…Confused fame vs service in this country.
54. Don’t waste any more time. Start embracing your life that is calling you. And use your life (light?) to serve the world.
55. Dear Oprah I didn’t know I had a light in me til you told me it was there.
56. Making bad choices and then blaming others for their life – so bad – destructive
57. Nobody but you is responsible for your life.
58. And what is your life? All life? Every flower, rock, tree, human being? Energy. And you’re resp. for the en. That you create for yourself and that you bring to others.
59. Pleaes take responsibility for the energy you bring into this space (sign in O’s office)
60. I am grateful for every time even the slightest wave of relief washes over me. And that my psychiatrist – my psychiatrist(!) is inside working on trying to fix my toilet.
61. Finishing this morning now: I had a good session
62. I got some good ideas about changing everything about me *while * staying true to myself.
63. That starts today.
64. I might even tell J.
65. And the main thing is work on myself.
66. And I start one of the food plans from the OA starter pack TODAY.
67. So I didn’t measure my soy milk in the coffee – that’s okay – I will guesstimate that and that’s won’t be a problem anyway.
68. And it *definitely * won’t be an excuse!
69. I heard form MA last night. At first I was kind of annoyed because I was sleeping, but I *do * remember her message after all, and it means a lunch this coming weekend with her, ML and MA”s niece yay.
70. And I heard from M. last night too. And I was also a little annoyed that she seemed to just want to get me to take that 5 month old baby. But 1) she knew I always had an interest in that sort of thing and 2) she feels for that baby
71. And I knew enough, though so tempted, not to. 1) I have never raised a baby and wouldn’t even know what to do 2) the authorities might not want me because of that 3) I don’t *really * have the money 4) I have to work on myself. I *think * that would not be better while helping a baby *right now. * 5) I am a desperate sleep needer! And yes, 6) What about J?
72. It did remind me though, of something I have always thought of – helping foster children or something like that – and that *might * be something for my future.
73. I am not all alone. I have people who read my blog. I have God. I have Sp. I have dr. I have friends. I have students and their parents.
74. I have interests.
75. I have capabilities.
76. Dr. says that thing that others respond to, is about me giving *something of myself. * That there’s something of myself that’s, like, extraordinary. I forget his work but he kept stressing that.
77. Oprah’s last person she mentioned, thanked, was a teacher: her fourth grade teacher. Who was there.
78. After today I’ll be finished with that lunch and that meeting with principal. (Just like I kept telling the kid who didn’t want to finish his test the day before yesterday, that after he finished, he wouldn’t have to do this again for almost half a year so to get it over with instead of continuing to extend it more and more time, another day…
79. There is hope that I can be empowered. From God. From program. From Oprah’s message. From within.
80. I have those little DVD’s for today.
81. They want-to-learn-everything kids will enjoy them.
82. The want-to-relax kids will enjoy them.
83. And they’ll only take a total of a little more than 30 minutes.
84. There is an assembly this morning, thank God. A break.
85. That I thought to look up inspiration yesterday. My dr. got here so I didn’t go further, but at least I thought to do it.
86. My job in the F. fiasco is over. Except for being nice to him and continuing to help and teach him of course (God help me to).
87. I have resources to help me. Books etc.
88. I truly don’t know, none of us do, what the future will bring.
89. I go back to my meditation today.
90. I will be on time for my meeting.
91. I can also look up the 21 day vegan kickstart (as well as the OA food plans). As long as I’m not on “my own” for today.
92. This is the third day in a row that I have awakened and heard the birds singing/talking… beautifully from my bed.
93. I am learning some lessons from The Secret Garden again, this time around.
94. I did figure out the alarm clock problem. It was that I had it set for 5 PM not AM : ) No problem there now.
95. My mother’s phone seems to be working fine now, I think. I don’t know why she thought she heard a busy signal yesterday when I heard it ring twice here, but at least we can hear her when she speaks.
96. Anger and actions that follow it get me nowhere. I think they get my shrink nowhere too. So I maybe should be careful of that and of following that kind of advice.
97. I know this is a repeat from way back, but it is so important to me yesterday and today that I can see. Imagine how very much worse my life would be if I were blind. So at an even deepen level, I am so grateful for my eyesight and the gift of it.
98. Computer cases.
99. Shoulder straps.
100. That I should/will get a new white cordy thing for my desktop at work today.
101. More Jo help yesterday. With what to do when that box asking for information comes up when trying to e-mail.
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