is the first time I've ever let *that* happen! Oh well.
I was so tired. And had 4 1/2 hours of church. And gym. And loneliness after, so went to MA. And thought could do there but she needed to talk... It's okay. Here they are:
I am grateful:
1. That I actually *have * a HUNDRED gratitudes a DAY! What kind of fortune is that!
2. That “In God’s time” makes sense to me now. Like, if J. had come back a month ago, we would have wound up in the same place. Neither of us had grown enough. I’m sure I hadn’t (haven’t) and I believe the same is true for him. Of course I pray for it when we are ready, but the slogan “In God’s time” makes more sense to me now and I’m grateful for that.
3. Today’s For Today: “…rationalizations and the mental gymnastics they involve may be keeping me fat.”
4. And this, gulp: “If I remain obese, what indication does a newcomer have that the program works? I need to face the truth, starting with my definition of abstinence.”
5. Today’s Voices of Recovery: “clearly, if we are to live free of the bondage of compulsive eating, we must abstain from all foods and eating behaviors which cause us problems.” OS 12 & 12 pp. 2-3
6. The people who gave the service of putting these two books together.
7. “When I was new to OA, my ‘old ideas’ were usually 18 degrees from the things I heard at meetings and read in the literature. The idea of being in bondage to certain foods and eating behaviors was in striking contrast to my old idea that these foods and behaviors were ‘treats.’”
8. “The key for me was getting honest enough to acknowledge that they really were causing me problems.”
9. At first, I trie to argue that I needed to eat this way because of my problems. But as I abstained one da at a time, I began to see those problems vanish from my life, ‘sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly.’”
10. “And as this happened, I began to see the connection between my relationship to food and the problems.”
11. “Now it begins to make sense: anything that causes problems in my life holds me in bondage.”
12. “Abstinence opens that prison door and makes all of the miracle of recovery possible.”
13. Today’s In This Moment: “In This Moment, I remember that codependence sells, but I don’t have to buy.”
14. And this! “When I first came in CoDA, I began to realize how many popular songs are filled with codependent lyrics.” Yes. Me too! And movies, books, poems, etc.
15. Today’s Language of Letting Go: “go with the flow.”
16. Let go of fear and your need to control.”
17. “relinquish anxiety. Let it slip away, as you dive into the river of the present moment, the river of you rlife, you rplace in the universe.
18. “Stop tring to force the direction.” Wow. I really need to hear that.
19. “Try not to swim against the current, unless it is necessary for your survival.”
20. “If you’ve been clinging to a branch at the riverside, let go.” Uh oh. Ouch. But good. Important.
21. “Let yourself move forward. Let yourself be moved forward.”
22. “Avoid the rapids when possible. If you cant, stay relaxed. Staying relaxed can take you safely through fierce currents.”
23. “Ifou go under for a moment, allow yourself to surface naturally. You wil.”
24. “Appreciate the beauty of the scenery, as it is. See things with freshness, with newness. You shall never pass by today’s scenery again!”
25. “Don’t think too hard about things. The flow is meant to be experienced.”
26. “Within it, care for yourself. You are part of the flow, an important part. Work with the flow. Work within the flow. Thrashing about isn’t necessary.”
27. “Let the flow help you care for yourself. Let it help you set boundaries, make decisions, and get you wehre you need to be when it is time.”
28. “You can trust the flow, and your part in it.”
29. And this, which I *thought * it said, even though it didn’t, but I like this thought too: “You can trust the flow, you’re part of it.” Yeah. I do like that.
30. I seriously believe every work of this today is great. I’m grateful for it *and * to K for lending me this book.
31. Le’s topic of cheerfulness on the thread today.
32. I’m grateful for the cumulative of all this work I’ve been doing, and intend to keep doing one day at a time for the rest of my life, that I am more cheerful more of the time now.
33. I’m so grateful for the steps. Is it possible I’ve not said that before? Wow~~~
34. I’m glad I’ve straightened enough for someone to come here
35. And – someone is here right now! : )
36. O and I had a great visit, starting out with lunch out.
37. Then we took doggie to the park.
38. Then we chilled out here a bit, her playing Angry Birds and me doing e-mails and phone calls for about 40 minutes.
39. Then we went to a meeting.
40. Then dinner. (Next week I have to cook and stop spending on meals out!: )
41. The meeting was incredible. So open, honest, deep. Very powerful.
42. And people were so welcoming.
43. And great hugs.
44. Lunch and dinner both I had veggies.
45. Didn’t pig out at either.
46. An abstinent day!
47. That Serious Skin Care is no right now. I love watching it.
48. And they don’t use animal products.
49. And they don’t test on animals.
50. And they have such nice products.
51. And they’re a ridiculous good price!
52. And – I adore looking at that huge canary diamond ring she’s wearing this visit. She didn’t wear it for two years. Wore her littler one and other stuff, but oh that vivid canary diamond! Wow! It makes me happy just to look at it!
53. I enjoyed my yummy Indian food tonight.
54. And I have plenty of veggies for tomorrow.
55. And Mar called!
56. And we’re going to the church thing tomorrow. Yay.
57. And M called. I didn’t get to call her back; got home too late.
58. Had nice chat with my mother this evening (and morning too).
59. Ordered my eye drops, yay.
60. Gave doggie her Heartguard stuff, which she sees as a special treat! : )
61. That I have friends of different ages.
62. That O wasn’t’ lying there reading when that tree major branch crushed into the lounge chair!
63. Girlfriends.
64. J.
65. My mother.
66. Doggie
67. Blog friends
68. VB friends
69. Work friends
70. Cousins
71. Aunts and Uncles, although I don’t have any more alive. I’m still grateful for them.
72. My Noni
73. My Papanoni
74. My Nanny
75. My Poppy (all deceased, but I’m grateful)
76. My mother
77. My father (deceased but the best father ever)
78. That I’m able to be friends with my mother now
79. That Dr. J’s children have done so well in happiness, school, and well-balancedness.
80. Next morning: Sp said, “I just got an exciting phone call that filled my heart.”
81. Third morning – ouch. I’m grateful that I did get to the gym yesterday.
82. And that O and I were there together
83. And that I went to MA’s last evening
84. And had a nice visit
85. And helped her with her ML dilemna
86. And woke up this morning
87. And have a meeting to go to
88. And lunch with friends if I want
89. And a different meeting later, if I want
90. And NA with friend who needs it, if she goes and if I want
91. And maybe some MA time
92. And maybe some read my CoDA book time
93. And maybe some piano practice time, I hope
94. And that I even have these choices. As opposed to say, lying in the hospital in a vegetative state or almost but with my awareness. I am very fortunate and feel better even typing that.
95. And that I went to the churchy thing yesterday
96. And Mar drove us
97. And someone translated just for me
98. And God *is * there
99. And I learned something new about praying
100. And I did get myself to water the plants this morning
101. And that tomorrow I should be able to clean and cook for the 3 days of thumb-hell to follow, after my treatment. And soon repot those plants! That’s lucky too.
102. Hope
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