I am grateful:
1. That Ch was just here
2. And we visited first, and had a very good visit
3. Then we walked around outside, and he agreed with what needs to be changed and promised to and I believe him
4. And he said *he’ll * come next time with the guy(s) and straighten it out and I believe him
5. And then I gave him coffee and we had another very good visit. We were able to share about ourselves and what we go through.
6. And – he says he and Ma (wife) and I must get together. And yes, I would like that.
7. And O is on her way over here right now! Yay.
8. And we shall do something about the flowers situation.
9. And we shall have lunch (I will provide, after all she is doing for me!)
10. O. came here – she isn’t always able to do, so I’m *so * glad she made it!
11. And I gave her lunch she picked and liked
12. And we had a nice time
13. And she said what a great time she had last night.
14. Then we looked around the front and back.
15. And we went to Home Depot and bought flowers and soil
16. And a man helped us get the huge soil bags into the car
17. And – then gave us his handyman card
18. And I treated her to her two plants
19. And we came back and planted in the front
20. And then in the back too!
21. And then I went in my car to her house so I could help her take the 56 pound bag out of her car! : )
22. And we found great spots for her 2 plants: )
23. And she showed me her plants for if she gets to buy the little house she’s renting
24. And I had *two * invitations for tonight!
25. I saw MA, because that was planned first
26. And we had a nice time at the diner up there
27. And she said (again) that she does NOT at this stage in her life want to spend time with ANYBODY she doesn’t find really worthwhile to spend time with.
28. And there she was with me, and we both acknowledged that: )
29. And I feel like I’m beginning to be a person. To really be a person. A whole person.
30. And the house looks more cheerful now with its little flowers.
31. And it motivates me to clean up more
32. And – I have *two * invitations for 4th of July! Yay!
33. And I got rid of that loiterer: ) I’m proud of myself for that. It took some tenacity, for a few days. But I did it.
34. And I had nice phone talk with my mother.
35. And we will go to dinner next week.
36. Plus I shall invite her and her best friend for Indian brunch, which my mother *loves *.
37. And I shall fix up the sunroom within just a couple of days.
38. I am tired from physical activity. I haven’t felt that in a long time, and it is good.
39. I am making a home for myself out of this little house I’ve paid for for so long.
40. My little doggie was so happy today when Ch was here, and when O was here, and out in the yard with us.
41. And I just came home and she basically asked for a real walk. I love her for that; she’s so good.
42. And we had a nice walk
43. And now she’s happy in bed where she can see me. Doesn’t wanna be too far.
44. But oh that plume tail of hers – it’s the best thing ever to watch as she struts : )
45. And I think I might get a piece of oak tag and start an ONGOING manifestation or progress or fun type board. Still decided.
46. And I was abstinent today! Great food today. Yay!
47. I’m grateful for the years Ji and I had the boat. Although I never wanted a boat, he did, I wound up have a ton of great times on that: )
48. My piano practice today. The Bach is progressing.
49. MA’s trying to reclaim her home too.
50. Tomorrow I shall go to the gym and do day 2: )
51. I was able to be helpful to Ch today, emotionally. And him to me also.
52. It is the next morning. I am just so very grateful for those flowers.
53. Grateful that I thought of them first thing.
54. And that I got out of bed, so tired, and watered them.
55. And that I want to read. Something just interesting. I have not wanted to for so long.
56. And grateful that I spoke to Sp.
57. And that Sp. is well.
58. And that Sp. said yes, I can help that person who wants to work through the steps with me! Sp reminded me that in the early days of AA, a person with one day sober was given a list of 10 men and went, to help them get one day sober.
59. In today’s For Today: “Abstinence is like pulling up a window shade: it gives me a view of my real problems.” Yes, I do know that.
60. And my Sp said we in this program have each other. FOREVER. Said we still have Bill W, and he’s dead. And we still have Dr. bob, and he’s dead. And Clarence is dead, but there is still a Chicago AA group. . ..
61. And when that shade is pulled up, it says, “..I feel sounloved I need it all.”
62. And “Let me take steps now to face my defect of pride ad use it as an incentive to grow. Then I can be free of competitiveness and share in the joy of someone else’s virtues sand strengths.”
63. And “For today: I do not compare myself with anyone but, rather, appreciate each of us for what we are. That is the true harmony of the world.”
64. And in today’s: “cursed be the social lies that warp us from the living truth.” Alfred Lord Tennyson
65. And “’Come now, one bite can’t hurt you..’ It can if you’re a compulsive overeater.”
66. And “If I believe the well-meaning people who understand nothing of my affliction, I may be a lonely audience of one to the outcome.”
67. And “If I can learn so many things through practice, I can learn to say No. “
68. And this important one: “Until then, I may have to give up old friends, old places, old activities. It is called going to any lengths.”
69. And “For today: I am always aware of who I am and what my limitations are. I can turn down food and drink that may be dangerous for me as easily as I can get out of the way of a speeding car.” Wow.
70. I am grateful that my mother is out with her friend M right now!
71. And I am grateful that O called me.
72. And that I keep seeing the flowers from the front, the kitchen, and the den and bathroom. I thank God for those flowers.
73. And that just when I took the phone from O yesterday and said to MA in front of O, “*I’m * going to pay her back by giving her some perennial clippings from *you, * (lol), MA said, “That’s funny - *I * just told her I want to give her some!” That was a nice way for my two friends to “meet.”
74. Yesterday’s Voices of Recovery: “’Humbly asked him to remove our shortcomings.’ Step Seven”
75. And “This, to me, was the true ‘action’ Step. It required asking the power outside of myself to change me, to make me something alien to myself. It required more trust than anything else I was asked to do and still demands trust as I continue to evolve into a new, unknown creation.”
76. And “This Step taught me humility, that state of being humble. Humble, according to the dictionary, is ‘the state of reflecting, expressing, or offering in a spirit of deference.’”
77. And “Before this Step, it was all about me – my powerlessness, my beliefs, my shortcomings, and my plans to resolve them. This Step changed all of that.”
78. And “The deference – ‘respect of esteem due to a superior- - clarified who was in power, who I should believe in, and the reason for giving over my shortcomings.”
79. And “It is all about becoming the person that my igher power needs me to be in order to carry out His will. That is what my program is about. With this Step I have surrendered my role as principal and joined the chorus of the Fellowship.”
80. And today’s Voices of Recovery says this: “From now on, we cease telling ourselves we are always going to be dishonest, selfish, abusive, stupid, or bad people. Instead, we repeatedly affirm to ourselves the truth about ourselves – that we are becoming honest, caring, nurturing, wise, and effective human being as we practice our new behaviors day by day.” OA 12&12 p. 65
81. And “It is old behavior to berate myself for failing to perfectly work the Steps of the program. I learned that I cannot afford to continue doing this when I’m working Step Seven. Shaming myself for falling back into old behaviors is an old behavior in itself, and it helps keep me in all my character defects longer.”
82. And “the hours in my day become very precious upon entering OA. Haven’t I suffered enough?”
83. And “Working the first Six Steps to the best of my ability helps build a strong foundation to supply the humility I will need for Step Seven.”
84. And “I realize that I’m not the sickest or the healthiest person I know. I’m just about average. What a relief to also realize I will always be becoming a better person in OA, I will never arrive.” Oh I needed to hear this, and am very grateful for it!
85. Particularly since I think I sabotaged myself today after my flowers and house-hope yesterday (wow, tears as I type – I’ve really hit on something), I am grateful for my dr’s idea that I could never be allowed to surpass my mother. So my grades did, my freedoms did, etc. etc., so that is not allowed so I sabotage myself. Oh poor baby. Yes, I mean me.
86. And I am grateful to feel for the poor baby inside me.
87. And so, in yesterday’s In This Moment it says, “In This Moment, I experience joy.”
88. And “Sometimes I was afraid to be happy – afraid that I would experience a little bliss and something or someone would snatch it away. As a child, this happened many times and reinforced those beliefs. I am now an adult.”
89. Yes, it says, “I am now an adult. I create my own happiness and joy. No one can take it from me unless I let them.”
90. And “I choose to bring into my life situations and people that bring me joy.”
91. And this very important one: “I give myself permission to feel absolutely wonderful.”
92. That I am enjoying this cheesy movie, “When Secrets Kill.”
93. And that I watched some other crap before it and kind of enjoyed it too. My thumb is bad, and my legs and shoulders are sore, so practicing piano wasn’t working and the gym wasn’t going to. So I‘m glad I allowed myself this.
94. And that I’m doing my gratitudes list now too.
95. And that we’ll see if we do or not, and even if *I * want to or not, but O says might get together tonight.
96. And that I did start my day turning everything and myself over to God.
97. That yesterday’s Language of Letting Go says: “Here is an exercise: Today, let someone give to you. Let someone do something nice for you. Let someone give you a compliment or feel you something good about yourself. Let someone help you. Then, stand there and take it. Take it in. Feel it. Know that you are worthy and deserving. Do not apologize. Do not say, ‘You shouldn’t have.’ Do not feel guilty, afraid, ashamed, and panicky. Do not immediately try to give something back. Just say, ‘Thank you.’” And I do wish that I’d read it yesterday lol – maybe shouldn’t have done lunch plus 2 plants plus soil for O. I wanted to. But maybe just for the exercise, I shouldn’t have.
98. And it says: “Today, I will let myself receive one thing from someone else, and I will let myself be comfortable with that.”
99. And I just got interrupted by a call from O, who invited me to the kids movie with the kids she’s taking and/or to go out after.
100. And I’ve looked it up. And I’m *thinking * of going.
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