I am grateful:
1. That M called today
2. That I called MA, and she is about to call back after her errands
3. And said she’d been thinking of calling me anyway.
4. Wow today’s For Today: “He will never have true friends who is afraid of making enemies.” William Hazlitt
5. And it says: “People-pleasing has a twin called resentment. Excessive compromise – always smiling and saying Yes when I want to say No – is bound to take a heavy toll in terms of self-esteem and, consequently, in my relationships.”
6. “Fear of going off the deep end, of blowing up, keeps me from letting people know how I really feel.”
7. “As a result of working the steps of this program, I am developing the emotional balance I need to express disagreement without hostility.”
8. “Progress in this area is slow. It begins with feeling good about myself.”
9. For today: I seek my own approval first, then the approval of others.”
10. Today’s Voices of Recovery: “…walking has become a great way for me to practice ‘quiet time.’ “
11. “Getting out of my hosue helps me get out of my head
12. and into a place where I am receptive to hearing my Higher Power speak to me.”
13. And this idea: “first, I clear my head of all the clutter that has piled up from people, situations, and feelings.”
14. “Sometimes I rant and rave, spilling my story out to God as I stomp my feet on the sidewalk.
15. “Sometimes, I apologize to God as I admit attitudes, thoughts, and actions that I’m experiencing or have already exposed other people to that were less than honorable.
16. “I then mentally list amends I need to make.
17. “At times, my heart sings out songs of praise as I breathe in the fresh air,
18. listen to the birds
19. and realize the joy I feel inside just to be alive in this world today.”
20. “Then, I quiet my heart and am free to listen to what my God would say to me.
21. Sometimes. He just soothes my feelings by allowing me to tenderly feel His love within the stillness of my heart.
22. “Sometimes He gives me the willingness and the courage to face people and situations with the truths I need to express to them.
23. “Always, I am refreshed and renewed for finishing my day without the need for overeating,
24. secure in the knowledge that I am loved.” Wow.
25. Today’s In This Moment: “In This Moment, I choose to wait.
26. “…instead of acting in panic and urgency…an act of faith.
27. “I wait, and turn the problem and solution over to my Higher Power.”
28. “It may seem irresponsible or lazy, but I choose to see it positively and call it letting go. When the time comes, I will act.”
29. “For now, I am doing nothing except ‘turning it over’ to my Higher Power.
30. “That is doing something powerful. That is faith.” Wow. This is huge for me.
31. Today’s Language of Letting Go: “We deserve the best life and love have to offer, but we are each faced with the challenge of learning to identify what that means in our life
32. “We must each come to grips with our own understanding of what we believe we deserve, what we want, and whether we are receiving it.”
33. Biggy: “there is only one place to start, and that is right where we are, in our current circumstances.
34. “The place we begin is with us.
35. “What hurts? What makes us angry? What are we whining and complaining about? Are we discounting how much a particular behavior is hurting us?
36. “Are we making excuses for the other person, telling ourselves we’re ‘too demanding’” Hmmmmmm. My dr says I have done that too.
37. “Are we reluctant, for a variety of reasons, especially fear, to tackle the issues in our relationships that may be hurting us?
38. “do we know what’s hurting us and do we know that we have a right to stop our pain, if we want to do that?
39. ***”We can being the journey from deprived to deserving.
40. “We can start it today.
41. “We can also be patient and gentle with ourselves, as we travel in important increments from believing we deserve second best, to knowing in our hearts that we deserve the best,
42. “and taking responsibility for that.”
43. “Today, I will pay attention to how I allow people to treat me, and how I feel about that.
44. “I will also watch how I treat others.
45. “I will not overreact by taking their issues too personally and too seriously;
46. I will not underreact by denying that certain behaviors are inappropriate and not acceptable to me.”
47. I’m very grateful for this Language of Letting Go book.
48. And for Voices of Recover
49. And for For Today
50. And though not everyday feel good about it, I’m also overall grateful for the In This Moment book.
51. Daily OM: “Should you find that your thoughts veer toward the negative, you might consider the positive lessons that are part of your current experiences and how the information you are getting from these experiences can help you reach greater realizations about yourself.”
52. And that it says this: “Being alone allows us to have the time and space to reflect on what our lives mean to us.
53. “When we are with others, our thoughts can become sidetracked since we could take on their concerns instead of paying attention to our own.
54. “Giving ourselves time for serious soul-searching—whether through meditation or journaling—lets us dig more deeply into our present feelings and assess how those feelings manifest in our lives.
55. “And this makes us more aware of our truest thoughts and needs.
56. “By thinking about yourself today and how events in your life impact you, you will discover deeper meaning in your everyday existence.” (I hope so: )
57. That I got e-mail from Cousin J and she has moved into her new house. I’m happy for her.
58. That I called and left a nice message.
59. That she called back and we had a nice little talk.
60. That she said she doesn’t want to call if sensitive situation but it would really not be a burden and I could call her to talk when I can.
61. That I was able to write to K and say I’m far too uncomfortable to agree with her having invited her mother whom I’ve never met, to come along for dinner and Scrabble tomorrow night. I felt bad but I couldn’t feel this uncomfortable and go along with it.
62. Wow. I just saw (Recovery Mediations) that Mark Twain said: “In his private heart . . . no man much respects himself.”
63. And it says: “I had no confidence or satisfaction in myself. I covered my lack of self-respect with absurd and harmful behaviors. I shielded myself from the respect and love of others by using these behaviors. I wanted to hide from the truth I knew - that I was behaving badly and dishonestly.”
64. And “Having begun this program which restores us to sanity, we have stepped into a new realm of learning to love and respect ourselves.
65. WWe have come to realize that we gain self-respect by working the Steps, surrendering ego, doing service for others, and relying on a Higher Power.
66. “Our lives become useful, our hearts are healed, and we are filled with respect for who we have become.”
67. And this: “ONE DAY AT A TIME. . . May I come to realize I am worthy of self-respect because I am doing the right things for the right reasons ... and giving credit to my Higher Power.”
68. And a different one says: “"You cannot be true to God or to anyone else until you are true to yourself."
Sr. Jeanne Koma, H.M.
69. And it says: “I have spent much of my life role-playing. As spouse, parent, employee, addict, I have often lost myself. Who am I? Why am I here? If I played none of those roles, would I still exist? It wasn't until I took the time to discover the 'real' me, the person God created, that I was able to be a better spouse, parent, and employee.”
70. And “And it was through this discovery that the addict in me began taking a back seat to the child of God that I truly am.”
71. And I cannot do God's will nor be supportive of others if I am dishonest about who I am.”
72. And “When Moses asked God who He was, God replied, "I am who I am." I am also who I am. I have nothing of which to be ashamed.”
73. And this: “ONE DAY AT A TIME . . .I must be true to myself if I wish to be of service to anyone else.”
74. I’m grateful that I did mediate today.
75. And that although I didn’t feel well, I was able to rest all day as need be.
76. Next morning now – glad K understood about her mother
77. Glad going to gym today with O
78. Glad am treasurer of OA meeting or would definitely skip today. It’s only that commitment, and the fact that we have a business meeting today that’s keeping me going there. They’re right about commitments – they’re so important to program.
79. Grateful prayed right away this morning. Becoming habit
80. Grateful for hope – repeat so will add
81. Grateful have to water flowers and did today – one needed help and that got me touching and smelling soil, which was good for me
82. Grateful that I wake up in a house in a bed – not homeless
83. Grateful that I have a washer and dryer
84. Grateful to finally be getting serious about being more careful with money
85. Grateful O was okay yesterday after meeting the night before
86. Grateful cousin J’s community sounds so perfect for her
87. Today’s Rec. Med : “Life is not a matter of having good cards . . . but of playing a poor hand well.” Robert Louis Stevenson. I know/know of people with CP, or Down’s Syndrome, even that man with no arms and no legs, who are having quality lives. I need to change my attitude.
88. Even that it says, “There are many things in this world we have no control over,…” Just that part of a sentence has much to teach me.
89. Then it goes on, “such as: our gender, our stature, our race, or physical abnormalities. But we always have the power to choose how we deal with events and circumstances.”
90. “ We can always take the right action ~ if it is not predicated on achieving a favorable outcome.”
91. “The Big Book tells us that it is a ‘well-understood fact that in god’s sight all human beings are important, the proof that love freely given surely brings a full return.’”
92. And “ONE DAY AT A TIME . . . Am I living properly? Am I living properly today? Am I really trying at all?”
93. Daily OM “…you already possess everything that you need
94. “and that true satisfaction comes from within.”
95. And it goes on to say this: “Perhaps this would be a good time to express your gratitude to the universe for all that you have been given. Making a mental inventory of your life and all that it contains might help you to further realize that you are truly blessed. As you go through the different aspects of your life, you might want to express your thanks to the universe for these gifts that are such a part of your life. You may find that by seeing the wonders that are present in your life today, you can feel an even deeper sense of inner happiness and joy.” And so I think it is okay if I list some repeats - just not a habit of same things over and over every day – we’ll see. I’ll think about it. I think I’d rather not.
96. And it goes on to say: “Serenity comes from being able to accept and appreciate the abundance in our lives.
97. And “Often our feelings of mental agitation come from wanting more than we have, particularly when we think that there is something lacking in our lives.”
98. And this: Being satisfied with our gifts, however, means that rather than striving to acquire more, we recognize that in our natural and spiritual state we are already complete; there is nothing we really need, for true satisfaction comes from inside of ourselves. Understanding this will, in turn, give us greater peace of mind.”
99. And this: “Be content with all of your gifts today, and your life will be enveloped by a state of perfect serenity.”
100. Today’s other e-mail that I get – I don’t even know what it’s called, says: “All human beings struggle with self-centeredness.”
101. That this summer is/is becoming/can be like a Razor’s Edge or Eat Pray Love experience for me.
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