I am grateful:
1. That I will see my friend for lunch today.
2. And go to the gym
3. And go to the meeting.
4. And do big service driving 80 minutes for someone else, when I would only be out of the house for 70 total, so more than doubling my time. This once!
5. That I feel that God is with me.
6. Fresh coffee. That’s a luxury.
7. That I have a psychiatrist who comes here. I know it’s because of his office situation, but what a luxury!
8. That I don’t live in an isolated spot. That would be bad for me right now.
9. That I will put Ph’s needs first this am in terms of whether I go out or not. Maybe I’ll even take her to the park.
10. Sand dollars
11. That I don’t spend on jewelry for myself anymore.
12. Yesterday’s Voices of Recovery says: “Can you let go of the idea of perfection and accept reality, loving people just the way they are?”
13. And this, which I *really * needed to hear TODAY!: “Love the imperfect people around you. Love your imperfect self and your imperfect world. For if you cannot love life the way it is, you will suffer from eternal loneliness.”
14. And “We all live in an imperfect world, surrounded by imperfect people.” I need to remember that. I am one of billions. We are the same. Humility.
15. And “They ability to love yourself and those around you is a gift from God that enables you to live fully, bravely, and meaningfully in an imperfect world.”
16. Yesterday’s Language of Letting Go: “God’s will for us is not hidden like a buried treasure. We do not have to control or force it. We do not have to walk on eggshells in order to have it happen. It is right there inside and around us. It is happening, right now.” That’s very comforting for me.
17. “Sometimes, it is quiet and uneventful and includes the daily disciplines of responsibility and learning to take care of ourselves. Sometimes, it is healing us when we’re in circumstances that trigger old grieving and unfinished business. Sometimes, it is grand.”
18. “We do have a part. We have responsibilities, including caring for ourselves. But we do not have to control God’s will for us. We are being taken care of. We are protected.” Protected. Thich Nhat Hahn’s word also.
19. “And the Power caring for and protecting us loves us very much.”
20. And this: “If it is a quiet day, trust the stillness.” That’s important for me!
21. And “If it is a day of action, trust the activity.”
22. And “If it is time to wait, trust the pause.” I love that one.
23. And “If it is time to receive that which we have been waiting for, trust that it will happen clearly and with power, and receive the gift in joy.” Yay.
24. And finally: “Today, I will trust that God’s will is happening as it needs to in my life. I will not make myself anxious and upset by searching vigorously for God’s will, taking unnecessary actions to control the course of my destiny or wondering if God’s will has passed me by and I have missed it.”
25. I am grateful that I own a piano.
26. And grateful for all the time J and I spent finding it. The right one at the time, but in our price range.
27. And grateful that I’m using it.
28. I am grateful that I have plans for today.
29. That it says in an e-mail a friend from OA sent me: “Addiction is patient, subtle, progressive, and incurable.” I need that reminder.
30. And it says: “The treatment for food addiction is a vital, ongoing program of recovery.” I need that hope.
31. And this: “Meetings, sponsorship, service, and the steps always remain essential to ongoing recovery.”
32. And this: “To keep our recovery fresh and vital, we need to stay alert for opportunities to practice our program.”
33. Today’s daily OM: “It is not the quantity of time that matters, but the quality that you experience during each moment.”
34. And “Every minute is an opportunity to love yourself and others, develop confidence and self-respect, and exhibit courage.”
35. And this: “When you focus on quality, all your life experiences can be meaningful.”
36. “A modest portion of good, healthy food can nourish and satisfy you on multiple levels and, when organically grown, nourish the earth as well.”
37. “Likewise, a few hours of deep, restful slumber will leave you feeling more refreshed than a night’s worth of frequently interrupted sleep. A few minutes spent with a loved one catching up on the important details about family, work, or community can carry more meaning than two hours spent watching television together.”
38. And this: “Often, in the pursuit of quantity we cheat ourselves of quality. Then again, quantity also plays a significant role in our lives. Certain elements, such as hugs, kisses, abundance, and love, are best had in copious amounts that are high in quality. But faced with the choice between a single, heartfelt grin and a lifetime of empty smiles, most would, no doubt, choose the former. Ultimately, it is not how much you live or have or do but what you make of each moment that counts.”
39. This in Recovery Meditations a couple of days ago but I just saw it now: “Solitude vivifies; isolation kills.” Joseph Roux
40. And it talks about the need to regroup in solitude for an introvert, but “…on the other hand, if I'm having a hard time with Program and my social anxiety is becoming unmanageable, I can either isolate and spiral down, or I can choose to take action and get to a meeting, make a phone call, or ask my sponsor to
meet me for coffee. I don't have to be alone in this program.”
41. And “ONE DAY AT A TIME. . . I remember that I have control over my actions. Although I need solitude to heal, I don’t have to be alone in my disease.”
42. I had a great piano practice already this morning. Both the Chopin and the Bach.
43. I *will * push past my shyness and get to M’s for lunch.
44. They trimmed outside today.
45. And – I was brave calling the guy about the mistakes. And I said he’d need to come over and see. And he said, So tell me what else. And I said, Will you be coming? I’m proud of that. It took so much for me to make that call. And he’ll come, and we’ll straighten out expectations… I believe it will work.
46. Today’s For Today says: “Tain’t worthwhile to wear a day all out before it comes.” Sarah Orse Jewett
47. And it says “As a compulsive person, … planning meant worrying myself through an entire day in advance.”
48. And the hope is here. It says: “The longer I practice the OA program, the more adept I become at living one day at a time.”
49. And specifically, it says: “It is not always easy to know how much or how little planning I should do but I have a good rule of thumb. When I begin to worry and fret about how to make things turn out exactly as I want them to, I stop.”
50. And the promise to me, is where it says: “The relief of letting go, of turning over the responsibility for tomorrow’s outcome is unfailing.”
51. And it says: “For today: More than anything else, I want the freedom that comes with relinquishing control. I plan and prepare, but I stop short of deciding how something will turn out.”
52. This, in today’s Voices of Recovery, which is EXACTLY what I need to hear. RIGHT NOW: “Hasn’t this been our greatest problem: truly committing ourselves to refraining from compulsive eating on an ongoing basis? Full of determination, we are great in the short run; but when the ‘everydayness’ begins to set in, we lose interest . . . a diet is something temporary. . . In Overeaters Anonymous we believe in abstaining from compulsive eating every day, one day at a time.” A Commitment to Abstinence p. 1
53. This is SO interesting. I’m so grateful for it. It says: When first in OA, I didn’t know what I should eat each da. I asked other OA members who were using a food plan what was working for them. One member simply replied, ‘I need to enjoy my food, because I’m eating today the way I will be eating for the rest of my life; it won’t change someday.’ I found, too, through years of moderate eating one day at a time, that the weight did come off, without any hint of ‘dieting’ behavior. In OA, I started to focus on the events of my life, which turned out to be much more interesting than watching my weight go up and down. In fact, because my weight was none of my business, it took care of itself.” That’s a wow.
54. I love today’s In This Moment, and am so glad that I read it. It says, “In This Moment, I allow myself rest. Why is it so hard for me to recognize that I need rest? Rest is part of the natural cycle for all living things. When I’m overworked, overextended, or my emotions are raw, I deserve a break. For me, relaxing doesn’t mean taking a long nap. It means doing those things that calm and soothe my soul, as well as my mind and body. Relaxing helps recharge me so that I’m more enthusiastic and effective. Resting when I need it is not selfish. It is self-loving.” I NEED THIS reminder!
55. And in today’s Language of Letting Go: “’…Transplanting doesn’t hurt them [the plants]. In fact, its’ good fr the ones that survive. That’s how their roots grow strong. Their roots will grow deep, and they’ll make strong plants.’ Often I’ve felt like those small plants – uprooted and turned upside down. Sometimes, I’ve endured the change willingly, sometimes reluctantly, but usually my reaction has been a combination. Won’t this be hard on me? I ask. Wouldn’t it be better if things remained the same? That’s when I remember my mother’s words: That’s how the roots grow deep and strong.”
56. And “Today, God help me remember that during times of transition, my faith and my self are being strengthened.”
57. I made it safely to M’s and with no getting lost kind of problems
58. I felt good as soon as I got out to walk doggie before going
59. It was gorgeous out today
60. My mother seems less stressed
61. M made me a beautiful vegan lunch
62. We ate in her gorgeous country-club like backyard
63. We picked up Ji
64. And she was fine
65. And then I “baby-sat” while M went to get Je
66. And doggie came to me and asked to be picked up and put on couch
67. And then asked to cuddle
68. And lay on me and curled up and put little fact on shoulder and slept the whole time
69. While I sat in that beautiful room and read a magazine
70. And I think M gets that I get how much she does
71. And she read the 5 Mindfulness Trainings with me
72. And when I got home there was a message from my mother inviting me to let’s go out to dinner, her treat – and maybe I can get myself to go tomorrow (no time tonight)
73. And tomorrow I go to the gym and meet my trainer
74. And then Ch comes here, supposedly
75. And then if not storm, I’ll take doggie to park
76. And maybe mother for dinner, and relax in evening
77. Sat. eve I *can * go to the churchy thing *if I want. *
78. Sun I can go to the meeting and lunch. *If * I want to.
79. And I can eat half and have the other half for dinner.
80. Tomorrow I will be abstinent, with God’s help, and PLAN my next week’s food.
81. And call MA : )
82. My friend is coming with me tonight to the meeting!
83. And I switched trainer appointment to tomorrow because too much and no doggie time….
84. Will sleep tonight, I think: )
85. Prayer helps me. Thank you, God.
86. Ok, so my meeting was cancelled. But I’ll relax. Or maybe friend will want to get together. We’ll see.
87. I am grateful that I have beautiful wood floors
88. And that they feel good to my feet (being recently redone)
89. And that I have no desire to die right now
90. And that I have vanilla almond milk. That’s a luxury.
91. It is the next morning now. I am so grateful that I met O for dinner at diner last night.
92. And left feeling nice after time with a friend.
93. And that it is gorgeous I mean gorgeous weather today!
94. And that I did get the garbage out – I was late, and had to go down the block (barefooted!:) to leave it there, but I have checked and it has been taken. Yay.
95. And – as I just posted on my Journal page, I went to the gym!
96. And met a *great * trainer!
97. And exercised cardio on the bike and the RPMs and minutes and heart rate were all good – I did it! Yay!
98. And Ch has called and will be coming here so we can talk about the outdoor work they do
99. And O has called and will be coming here to do the flowers with me!
100. And MA has called about looking for the sunroom furniture together – IF I look (I’m checking basement first and might just use d.r. chairs or pillows for now. Or even wing chair from l.r. We’ll see. I want to save money).
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