I am grateful:
THAT MOST OF THESE WERE DONE AND I CAN STILL TYPE BEFORE THUMB TREATMENT
1. That I just prayed to St. Jude, and feel hopeful.
2. I just said to O, based on a sweet little couple of things that she’s said lately, that I don’t want her feeling she has to baby-sit me; I never want to be a burden to a friend. And she said (sweetly), “No. I like spending time with you. I’ve told you this. You only hear the negative. I’ve told you: I like spending time with you. Because you’re smart, you’re funny, you’re well-spoken,…” Yay
3. So now I shall call my mother and go food shopping.
4. Then I shall come back and straighten and clean what is desperate (meaning straighten all, clean bathroom and kitchen and floors throughout house), and shower.
5. Then I will meet O at gym
6. Then she will come here and we’ll eat something.
7. Then we’ll visit while I cook my casserole.
8. Then we will go to her meeting, which is good for me too.
9. And during that time, J will get doggie.
10. Today’s For today: “I seemed to think I had to go through life with a smile asted on my face. I was sweet and accommodating and polite. A good egg. O f course, none of it was sincere. How could it be when, inside, I was angry and resentful and afraid? My false front was so exhausting I had to make it up to myself somehow, and the one sure way to do that was to eat.”
11. And “The same exhaustion overtakes me today whenever I try so hard to make a good impression that i am not being myself. But it’s all right to make mistakes. I am not perfect.”
12. And “I’m making progress and I’m very grateful for the chance to do it.”
13. And this: “for today: Doing or saying something I don’t mean costs me more in the long run than I’m willing to pay. I am as honest as I can be without either being rude or fawning over anyone.”
14. That I just wrote to my sponsee. I hope she does the question.
15. That K sees it as us kind of co-sponsoring each other. I would have rathered she’s just sponsoring me, but I feel good this way now too.
16. That M said a kid with a million special needs and a difficult parents has just moved out, and she was gonna be in my class.
17. Today’s In This Moment. “In This Moment, I am breaking a habit.” Good. That’s like when Sp said to me after I said I’d had a very hard painful time this weekend, “Good.” And I said, “Why?” And Sp. said, “Because you’re recovering. And it goes up and down.”
18. And it goes on to say, “I heard that when you quit an addiction, lot of feelings start coming out.” This is so true, and important for me to remember.
19. And it says, “I’ve recently gone back to daily journaling. Hopefully, this tool will help me deal with my emotions.
20. And “My friends in the program encourage and support me.
21. And “With my Higher Power’s help, I’ll kick it, one day at a time.
22. I’m grateful that I took my mother to the bank
23. And shopping
24. And I shopped too
25. And then I took her with me to health food store
26. And we took turns going in (me for food and bathroom and her for bathroom), leaving the a/c on in the car for the food
27. And I bought yellow carnations
28. And they have a teeny speckly of deep pink inside!
29. And I cut them short so that in the pitcher/vase they look full and lush
30. And then I cleaned up a little outside!
31. And inside!
32. And I put all the groceries away, not just the fridge ones and leave the cabinet ones in the bag, which I’ve certainly done many times.
33. And that the sale was so big I got 8 rolls of toilet tissue for like 60 cents total!
34. And then I went to the gym
35. And met O there
36. And because she is able to do more, I read some Lifeline while I was waiting
37. And then we came here
38. And she “stole” some cherries from the fridge
39. And I was glad she was comfortable enough too
40. And so I gave her a nice bowl of them
41. And I made us a delicious healthy salad that she loved
42. And pine/orange/banana juice, which she loved
43. And heated my homemade lentil soup, which she loved
44. And then we left for the meeting together
45. Before J got here for doggie
46. So we were too early and had tea/coffee while waiting
47. And I had to speak to J for a moment on the phone about the key, but it was ok
48. And the meeting was AWESOME!
49. And I even saw Ch there, which was so nice for me.
50. And if it turns out not to be for him, I won’t continue going to that one
51. Ma called me (I heard a message)
52. Jo e-mailed me
53. Lo e-mailed to help me find a meeting I can breathe in since I couldn’t there Sun night
54. I am grateful that I just did some laundry, even though it’s late at night
55. And that I made the casserole bake
56. And that I brought healthy fruit, especially the cherries
57. And the peaches
58. And the cantaloupe
59. And the pine/orange/banana juice
60. And the pb
61. And the napkins
62. And the real fruit in a jar
63. And Ezekial bread, what fortune I have – this is expensive bread, and I get to buy it every week
64. And junky magazines
65. And I have the borrowed book from O, so I should be fine with the ice and the pain…
66. I’m grateful for the Seinfeld show
67. And Supernanny, which was finally on – repeat but I haven’t seen
68. And I’m grateful to God that I don’t feel as bad as I did this morning, not at all.
69. Or this weekend.
70. And that I *can * have a thumb treatment tomorrow
71. And that I’m able to take my mother to her dr appointment tomorrow
72. And Wed my doctor comes
73. And I can walk to the corner for a pedicure Wed with the ice on my hand if I want to: )
74. Or not if I don’t! : )
75. And Thursday night I get to go to CoDA meeting
76. I just had some of the cherries and they’re incredible!
77. I am living differently than I was.
78. More healthily
79. And actually beginning to feel like a woman again
80. And even a little able to flirt or be sexy/feminine
81. Next morning: That I can do some typing this morning before thumb thing
82. That I got up on time
83. And called my mother to wake her
84. And that I was abstinent yesterday
85. That there’s still hope
86. I’m grateful for O helping me get my a/c filter out so I could clean it
87. And getting into a made bed yesterday instead of a crumpled up one as usual
88. And that I have good clean healthy abstinent food for the next few thumb days, already made and in the fridge
89. And fresh fruit
90. And books, magazines, tv, dvds
91. And meditation
92. And walks
93. That O can drive me one way to the opthamologist; I just have to find a way home
94. That I have St to ask
95. That I did my kneeling and prostrated prayers first thing
96. And my CoDA work
97. And thanked God too
98. That I’ll get to talk to my sponsor before I take my mother this morning
99. That I’m nervous, but not as bad as yesterday
100. That people have gotten through what I’m going through
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