I am grateful:
1. That when I saw J in the car, and thought about going by that house, I didn’t. I didn’t want to feed my addiction.
2. That I called O to see if she wanted to go to the bookstore. She couldn’t, as she was cooking dinner for B to come over, but she said, “Why go to a book store? Don’t you have books? I have lots of books here. Come over. I’ll lend.”
3. And I did: )
4. And we had a nice little visit too.
5. And that MA on phone also said, “Come borrow from me. I have a lending library!” And she pretty much does. I love my friends.
6. And I’m grateful that I love my friends.
7. I feel so much more normal now! Like, I had let my life get so small, I wouldn’t have gone to CVS without asking/hoping J to “take me.” So sick.
8. Now, I drive to places and I see friends because I want to, and I do my own errands, and I jump in the car and go here and there…
9. I’m grateful that I have figured out these two things: 1) that as soon as I start driving, I’m less phobic. I just have to start. And 2) that if I do something non-phobic once, and just stay in the car, I get to the phobic thing. I think these are partly repeats, so I’ll add some extras.
10. That tomorrow, here is the plan: Go to the gym early. Take doggie out to park or something else nice early. Do lots of laundry, cook my fabulous veggie bake thing with protein, and read my new (from O) book and practice piano. And in evening, watch some Two and a Half Men, which I love, and crochet. And I believe I shall have a good day, yay!
11. Now it’s the 4th, am. I’m grateful that I woke up.
12. And that I watered the plants.
13. And called my Sponsor
14. And that doggie didn’t get hurt by that cat.
15. And that I said to Sp on phone, “I have to attend to this,” while I was walking out, “she doesn’t have the sense to not fight with a cat.” And Sp said, “ A lot of people don’t have the sense to not fight with a cat.” That was smart.
16. That O. has decided to become a citizen and is currently studying.
17. That we will, for fun, watch the movie 1776 here one day soon.
18. I am grateful for our freedoms, today, on the 4th of July. Like freedom of speech.
19. And freedom of religion.
20. And I’m grateful for the people who have fought when had to, to keep us free.
21. And for the hope that someday we will not have wars. Rosaries are supposed to help with this.
22. I am grateful that many people will be in a good mood today.
23. And that although I don’t *feel like * doing it, I *get to * take my mother shopping. That she is able and I am able and we’ll have a bit of time together.
24. Today’s For Today: “Freedom has a thousand charms to show that slaves howe’er contented never know.” William Cowper.
25. It goes on to say, “Freedom from compulsive overeating, and all that goes with it, feels better than any food tastes; this I know.” And I know it too.
26. “But am I still locked into some patterns that keep my life from being as good as it might be?”
27. And “Am I a slave to others’ approval?”
28. “To perfection?”
29. “To the scale?”
30. self – to the food?
31. And this, which I find important: “I want to be aware of my shortcomings, but I also know that being too critical and expecting too much of myself can be discouraging. ‘Easy does it’ is a better approach to the personal inventory suggested in steps four and ten than taking myself too seriously.”
32. And this biggy: “For today: I am satisfied with the progress I have made so far; it is giving me freedom from obsession and a new joy in living.”
33. I’m grateful for that recent day when I was so depressed and I took the Big Book and just read the ends of so many story chapters. The hope.
34. I am grateful that I just e-mailed Kr. I hope she forgives me for seeming to slight her, or even more importantly, that at least she feels better and fine.
35. The day my daddy took me to see the play 1776, just the tow of us. And how he told me about it in advance and said, Now it’s about history. But you’ll like it. It’s about the PEOPLE behind it. Trust me. And I did.
36. And that last scene and how powerful it was.
37. And that I’m smiling right now.
38. Biggy. Today’s Voices of Recovery: “…I finally understood that fighting the problem of compulsion overeating would never in this life relieve me of it.” For Today, p. 96
39. And goes on to talk about 100 pound weight loss for 2 years kept off followed by 7 year relapse. And says, “I’d share in meetings that I’d surrendered. Surrender, to me, meant ‘hitting bottom,’ praying desperately for help, then trying something different – food plan, sponsor, meetings – all external changes.”
40. Hm that sounds like me. Then it says this: “Today I know that this was not surrendering. I simply did what I needed to do to recover until I was no longer so desperate.” Uh oh like me. I need to be reading this, and am so grateful for it.
41. It goes on to say, “A part of me always believed that someday I’d be able to eat normally. I still fought my food problem and other things in my life.”
42. “Since I stopped fighting my Higher Power’s will, one day at a time, I’ve not relapsed.”
43. “My life has become more than ‘manageable.’
44. “It has become more fulfilling than I could have ever imagined.’” That’s huge! “Since I stopped fighting my Higher Power’s will, one day at a time, I’ve not relapsed. My life has become more than ‘manageable.’ It has become more fulfilling than I could have ever imagined.” I’m so glad to have read this. I want this. How do I get this? Stop fighting my Higher Power’s will, one day at a time. Hmmm.
45. And it ends, “Some once told me, ‘Life before surrender is a boxing match; after surrender it’s surfing.’ Today, I’m gratefully and joyfully surfing.” Wow. I have to learn more about how to surrender. Keep saying that Seventh Step prayer. And First Step. And do the food plan; God’s will…
46. Today’s Language of Letting Go: “Take time to celebrate.”
47. “Celebrate your successes, your growth, your accomplishments. Celebrate you and who you are.” And that’s what I’m supposed to be doing in my CoDA work every evening.
48. “For too long you have been too hard on yourself. Others have spilled their negative energy – their attitudes, beliefs, pain – on you. It had nothing to do with you! All along, you have been a gift to yourself and to the Universe.”
49. “You are a child of God. Beautiful, a delight, a joy.” That is making me smile.
50. “You do not have to try harder, be better, be perfect, or be anything you are not.” That has made my breath come in more deeply.
51. “Your beauty is in you, just as you are each moment.”
52. “Celebrate that.” And I think I shall!
53. “When you have a success, when you accomplish something, enjoy it. Pause, reflect, rejoice. Too long you have listened to admonitions not to feel good about what you have done, lest you travel the downward road to arrogance.”
54. “Celebration is a high form of praise, of gratitude to the Creator for the beauty of God’s creation.”
55. “To enjoy and celebrate the good does not mean that it will be taken from you. To celebrate is to delight in the gift, to show gratitude.”
56. “Celebrate your relationships!”
57. “Celebrate the lessons from the past and the love and warmth that is there today.”
58. “Enjoy the beauty of others and their connection to you.”
59. “Celebrate all that is in your life.”
60. “Celebrate all that is good.”
61. “Celebrate you!”
62. “Today I will indulge in the joy of celebrating.” This whole section, line by line, has seemed so important to me. I’m so grateful for it!
63. I’m grateful that at least one someone gets something out of these phrases from the books. Grateful that I can type quickly and putting them here in my gratitudes for me, helps someone else: )
64. I’m grateful that I gave that newcomer another newcomer packet at the meeting yesterday. She’d misplaced hers and was kind of desperate.
65. And that I took one too. Paid for it as I’m not a newcomer and got one a while ago.
66. And that I opened it today.
67. And that it says “we learned that OA does not have a specific diet. Rather, …Dignity of Choice…We came to understand that the basis for stopping our compulsive eating behaviors – and staying stopped – is personal inner change.”
68. “We achieve this inner change by working the Twelve Steps and learning to live according to the principles underlying the Steps.” (I really need to actually get started on Step Eight now!) The steps are the key.
69. “One of the results of working the steps is that our obsession with food is lifted. We learn to live without eating compulsively, which we call abstinence.”
70. This is THE FIRST TIME I have thought about that just for me, not me related to J. Or at least, not me related to J in an unhealthy way. Grateful.
71. I really need a new – or *a * - plan of eating. Today. And so I’m glad that it goes on to say, “Developing a healthy plan of eating is one of the first tools of the program we use.”
72. “While no plan of eating will be successful without diligent Step work, using a plan of eating as a tool allows us to deal with food in a calm, rational, and balanced way.”
73. “We follow our plan one meal at a time, one day at a time.”
74. Wow. I’m *really * glad to be reading this pamphlet today.
75. It goes on to say, “We are not like normal eaters. Obviously there is something wrong with our current eating patterns, or we would not have come to OA.” I need that reminder.
76. “Compulsive overeaters are different from normal eaters. Normal eaters stop eating when they are full. We do not.”
77. “Normal eaters do not hide food and plan how they will secretly get to it when no one is around. We do.”
78. “Normal eaters do not use food to comfort their insecurities and fears, or to provide a fleeting escape from worries and troubles. We do.”
79. “Normal eaters do not feel guilt and shame about their eating. We do.”
80. And it says, and I really need all of this today: “In OA, we discover that our problem is not weakness or lack of willpower. We have a disease. When food is in front of us or calling to us, we cannot trust our bet intentions or willpower to guide us in making good eating decisions. We have made hundreds of resolutions to ourselves and others, tried every diet, tried therapy, hypnosis, shots and pills; yet we could not stop eating compulsively.”
81. And this is very helpful too: “Using a plan of eating is the beginning of freedom from compulsive overeating. Instead of depending on resolutions and willpower to help make good decisions in front of the refrigerator or in the restaurant, we develop a sensible plan of eating in advance.”
82. And “Initially, many of us use a daily plan of eating which includes what, when, where and how much. This daily plan serves to separate our eating from our emotions and relieves us of making the decisions we formerly had to make throughout the day.”
“Reducing the time we think about food clears our heads of the ongoing conflict between our self-will and the disease.”
83. “As in the rest of the program, we do this one day at a time. We do not have to think about doing it forever.”
84. A little later it says, “In OA, we emphasize the importance of not taking that first bite of a personal binge food.”
85. And “After clearly defining an overall vision for our new eating behaviors, many of us then plan the day-to-day specifics. For example, just for today, we will eat these foods for breakfast; we will eat these foods for lunch; and we will eat these foods for dinner.” (depending on the plan)
86. “Maybe some must simply avoid junk food, second helpings, and bingeing.”
87. “For many of us, specific planning is important, such as deciding exactly what amounts of each food we will have.”
88. And this: “Learning these new skills is part of the internal transformation we need to achieve long-term recovery. We define a plan of eating that leads us to abstinence.”
89. “However, if we focus only on our eating behavior – which is merely a symptom of the problem – to the exclusion of the rest of the program, we are using OA only as a diet program and eventually will go back into our disease. To sustain our plan of eating for any length of time, we must embrace the whole program: the Steps, the Traditions and the other tools.”
90. “The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of Overeaters Anonymous says, ‘the Steps, Traditions and tools are the vital difference between OA and all the other ways we have tried to stop eating’ (page 130).“
91. “Now is the time to stop eating compulsively and use the Twelve Steps of this Fellowship to gain freedom from the power of food in your life.”
92. It says our Higher Power gives us the power, provided we do the footwork.
93. I get that now.
94. And says, “Working the Twelve Steps, committing our daily plan of eating to our Higher Power and a sponsor, going to meetings, making phone calls, studying the literature and using the other tools brings us the power to do what we have not been able to do before on our own.”
95. “The act of continually overeating and the never-ending attempts to hide our abnormal behavior squander great quantities of mental energy. Overeating clouds our thinking. Most newly abstinent people talk about the clarity and increased productivity that comes after a few weeks of abstinence. The inner-change process of the Twelve Steps requires clarity and painstaking self-honesty. A plan of eating leading to abstinence puts food in the proper perspective, so we can devote our clear-headed energies to working with our Higher Power on changing those things in us that need changing.”
96. Self – I put a *lot * of time into studying for school during many long periods of my life. Why not put some into studying for life!
97. And I’m breathing more easily just reading this.
98. I’m so grateful to have this time off so I can put time into my programs like this. And without rushing.
99. And grateful to myself for working my way to it.
100. And to my parents for paying for college.
101. And putting this time in this morning.
102. And I’m grateful that I “get” the difference between abstinence and a plan of eating. A plan of eating is a tool. Abstinence is freedom from compulsive overeating, and is the goal.
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