I am grateful:
1. July 26 In This Moment: “In This Moment, I know a new freedom.”
2. This is cool: “I shared about my sister at a meeting recently and realized if I didn’t let go of that issue, God couldn’t take it. Deep inside, I had been feeling responsible for my sister, thinking I was the one to ‘fix’ her. I’ve come to understand the arrogance of that belief. My Higher Power wants me to let go of things that aren’t mine. When I remember this, I feel lighter. One of the CodA Promises has come true. . . ‘I know a new freedom.’”
3. And July 27 In This Moment: “In This Moment, I see the good part of my character.”
4. And: “It’s so easy to find fault with myself.
5. “…I did it to myself for years. I’m changing.”
6. “My Fourth Step helped me to stop making ‘all or nothing’ judgments of my character. I’m not perfect, but I’m not all bad either.
7. “I look for, and acknowledge, my good qualities which I honor in my moral inventory. It helps to balance the scale and create a more realistic picture of myself.”
8. I’m grateful that I took my mom and her friend to lunch yesterday!
9. And I think we had all had a nice time.
10. And O. came too.
11. And I think she had a nice time too.
12. And I’m grateful that my mother happened to *just * call, and said they had a great time.
13. And that she (they) loved the food. I’m happy when my mother is happy.
14. I am grateful that I just e-mailed J. and was able to express that indeed I *am * looking for ideas, lest he think, having called here twice this week and us not mentioning it, that I am not.
15. And I am grateful for doggie being with me right now.
16. That when my dr. just called, it was not to cancel, but to say could he come early. Phew.
17. Next day now. I am grateful that my dr. and I seem to think the same about the only hope for what to offer J.
18. And that dr. was able to bring it a little further for me.
19. And that I’m doing my daily spiritual work here today.
20. And that I explained to piano teacher what it is like for me when I practice. Just getting through the notes even.
21. And she understood.
22. And she said that could be the lesson – her helping me with that too.
23. And that O and I walked doggie in park for long long time today.
24. And we all three had a great time.
25. And exercise.
26. And met other doggies and people. Nice.
27. And the weather is beautiful today.
28. And I practiced piano.
29. And I didn’t get any scary e-mails from J.
30. And my feelings thing from online came and I opened it and it is the right one. Hard to find because out of print so grateful it came.
31. And that I have read some of that book about what to do about my co-dependency and about J. this morning.
32. And will do more today.
33. I am grateful for feeling doggie breathing against me at night these last two nights
34. And for her feeling me, too.
35. And although I wish they were on different nights, I’m really grateful to have a choice between CoDA and churchy thing once a week.
36. Dr. Phil today.
37. Dr. Oz today.
38. M’s call.
39. That I finished that paper.
40. And e-mailed it to her.
41. That O and I will go buy our respective makeup tomorrow.
42. That K called today
43. And MA
44. And Mau yesterday
45. And E today
46. And N today – not lonely today!: )
47. That I had a healthy lunch today.
48. And am doing just 3 meals nothing in between for this day today.
49. Today’s Voices of Recovery: “Genuine humility brings an end to the feelings of inadequacy, the self-absorption, and the status-seeking. Humility, as we encounter it in our OA Fellowship, places us exactly where we belong, on an equal footing wit our fellow human beings and in harmony with God.” OA 12 & 12 p. 60
50. “In my compulsive eating days, I rarely experienced humility.
51. “I compared myself to others and felt that I didn’t measure up, that I wasn’t good enough.
52. “I even confused this low opinion of myself with humility. These feeling led me straight to the food.”
53. “Working this program, I am learning to accept myself for who I am.
54. “I strive daily to let go of comparisons and have become more accepting of myself and others.
55. “I find comfort in the belief that my Higher Power’s will for me each day includes being the best person that I can be.
56. “Best of all, the more truly and deeply I believe that I am okay, the more happy and serene I feel.”
57. Interesting – humble comes up in today’s In This Moment as well. “In This Moment, I’m humble.
58. “Before I make amends, I check with my higher Power in prayer.
59. “If I have confusion or doubt – which is most of the time – I check with my sponsor, who shares experience, strength, and hope.
60. “It’s humbling to acknowledge that I’m not perfect, that I have erred.
61. “It takes me out of my self-centeredness to recognize that my actions may have hurt another.”
62. “Making amends isn’t about the outcome or how the other person reacts.
63. “It’s about changing my behavior.
64. “Change is tough, but it’s necessary to my recovery.”
65. Dr. Oz just said, “The first step for anyone who wants to do anything for their help, is starting to take control of their help. It’s gotta start there. Not dependent on others.” I’m grateful I heard this.
66. I don’t know if any of these are repeats. If they are, I certainly need to see/write them again and am grateful for them whether they are or not, as they *feel * brand-new to me! Language of Letting Go, July 23: “Stop trying so hard to make it happen.
67. “Stop doing so much, if doing so much is wearing you out or not achieving the desired results.
68. “Stop thinking so much and so hard about it.
69. “Stop worrying so about it.
70. “Stop trying to force, to manipulate, to coerce, or to make it happen.
71. “Making things happen is controlling. We can take positive action to help things happen. We can do our part. But many of us do much more than our part. We overstep the boundaries from caring and doing our part into controlling, caretaking, and coercing.”
72. These remind me of the word “hostage,” which I heard at CoDA. May I *never * even unconsciously, try to hold someone emotionally hostage. Never again. Grateful to know that painful truth so I can choose otherwise and pray for help with it.
73. “Controlling is self-defeating. It doesn’t work. By overextending ourselves to make something happen, we may actually be stopping it from happening.” Wow.
74. “Do your part in relaxed, peaceful harmony.
75. “Then let it go. Just let it go.
76. “Force yourself to let it go, if necessary. ‘Act as if.’
77. This is important: “Put as much energy into letting go as you have into trying to control.
78. “You’ll get much better results.
79. Ick but yes: “It may not happen. It may not happen the way we wanted it to and hoped it would. But our controlling wouldn’t have made it happen either.
80. “Learn to let things happen because that’s what they’ll do anyway.
81. “And while we’re waiting to see what happens, we’ll be happier and so will those around us.
82. “Today, I will stop forcing things to happen.
83. “Instead, I will allow things to happen naturally.
84. “If I catch myself trying to force events or control people, I will stop and figure out a way to detach.
85. Language of Letting Go July 24, about denial: “Do not be too hard on yourself. While one part of you was busy creating a fantasy-reality, the other part went to work on accepting the truth.
86. “Now it is time to find courage. Face the truth. Let it sink gently in.” And I feel like I’m doing that. What a timing in finding God.
87. “When we can do that, we will be moved forward. God, give me the courage and strength to see clearly.
88. Language of Letting Go July 25, and I really need to hear this: “Keep practicing your recovery behaviors, even when they feel awkward, even when they haven’t quite taken yet, even if you don’t get it yet.
89. “Sometimes it takes years for a recovery concept to move from our mind into our heart and soul. We need to work at recovery behaviors with the diligence, effort, and repeated practice we applied to codependent behaviors.
90. “We need to force ourselves to do things even when they don’t feel natural.
91. “We need to tell ourselves we care about ourselves and can take care of ourselves even when we don’t believe what we’re saying.
92. “we need to do it, and do it, and do it – day after day, year after year.
93. “It is unreasonable to expect this new way of life to sink in overnight. We ma have to ‘act as if’ for months, years, before recovery behaviors become ingrained and natural.
94. “Even after years, we may find ourselves, in times of stress or duress, reverting to old ways of thinking feeling, and behaving.
95. “We may have layers of feelings we aren’t ready to acknowledge until years into our recovery. That’s okay! When it’s time, we will.
96. “Do not give up! It takes time to get self-love into the core of us. It takes repeated practice. Time and experience. Lessons, lessons, and more lessons.
97. “Then, just when we think we’re arrived, we find we have more to learn. That’s the joy of recovery. We get to keep learning and growing all of our life!
98. “Keep on taking care of yourself, no matter what. Keep on plugging away at recovery behaviors, one day at a time.
99. “Keep on loving yourself, even when it doesn’t feel natural.
100. “Act as if for as long as necessary, even if that time period feels longer than necessary.
101. “One day, it will happen. You will wake up, and find that what you’ve been struggling with and working so hard at and forcing yourself to do, finally feels comfortable. It has hit your soul.
102. “Then, you go on to learn something new and better.
103. “Today, I will plug away at my recovery behaviors, even if they don’t feel natural. I will force myself to go through the motions even if that feels awkward I will work at loving myself until I really do.
104. I am grateful that I did all of these.
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