I am grateful:
1. That I am doing these today, right now.
2. Yesterday’s For Today: “Much of your pain is self-chosen.”
3. Oh – and I didn’t “get” this at first but now I do: “It is the bitter potion by which the physician within you heals your sick self.” Kalil Gibran
4. “If it were not for the pain, I wouldn’t e here.”
5. And that I was just thinking of that this morning. Why didn’t I do all my self-work yesterday no matter what? Was it because I’d felt a little relief. Way deep inside somewhere, was it that? The pain drives me to the work. I’m grateful it did. (May it not always have to).
6. “Only when the pain of compulsive overeating became worse than the pain it was intended to kill did I become willing to abandon the pretense of controlling my life.” Wow. And I see that as my addictive behaviors not just eating.
7. “Getting in touch with my pain is a new experience.”
8. “Until the day it brought me to my knees, food was my first line of defense against any and all pain, even that caused by the food itself.
9. “In OA, I have come to understand that I must let myself feel the pain before I can recover.” Wow.
10. “For today: I no longer choose to avoid my growing pains. My Higher Power, my program, my meetings, my friends – all stand with me as I face, head-on, whatever must be faced.”
11. And today’s for Today: “To different minds, the same world is hell, and a heaven.” Ralph Waldo Emerson
12. Ooh – and this is hopeful: “My mind, as a recovering member of Overeaters Anonymous, is as different from my mind as a practicing compulsive overeater as night from day.”
13. This is hopeful too: Abstinent and self-accepting, I see more beauty than ugliness, more to admire than condemn.”
14. And “but, whether I am depressed or joyful, at peace or in turmoil, I know it is not the goodness or badness of the world, but my mind that tints the lenses through which I see.” WOW!
15. “As I grow in this program, my mind and my vision change.”
16. “Problems of a week, a month or a year ago are resolved. In time, I will be free of much that bothers me today.” Oh hope. Thank you, God, and please.
17. “For today: I am letting go my urge to change people and situations to fit my expectations. It is not the world that needs changing: it is I.” Wow.
18. I am grateful that I have begun to get in touch with my true feelings, at long last.
19. And accept them.
20. And begum to sit with them. Thank you K, Dr, God, and programs.
21. Ick. I don’t even want this to be and I guess that’s why I always think I just won’t go to this meeting, but it is true so I’m grateful to read it today. In yesterday’s Voices of Recovery: “Being a part of the group is essential to recovery from our disease of isolation. It means supporting and being supported by our fellow OA members.” OA 12 & 12 p. 205
22. And it says “I never felt that I belonged or fit in anywhere.”
23. And it says: “I isolated because I was afraid to let anyone know me. Being a part of the group allowed me to open up a little at a time.”
24. And of course this: “Together we can do what we could never do alone.”
25. Oh. Biggy. Today’s voices of Recovery: “Some of us misunderstand this Step and act as if it’s up to us to remove our own shortcomings.” OA 1 & 12 p. 55.
26. “I’m supposed to recognize that I am powerless over my character defects and turn them over to my Higher Power.”
27. “I don’t do this gracefully. Instead, I wrestle with my character defects. I drag them down in to the mud. I struggle and groan and expend great amounts of energy fighting them. Only when I have no more energy left [ me – now] and I see that the character defect isn’t even winded – in fact, doesn’t even know it’s been waging a war – do I admit I am powerless.” Wow.
28. “When my own best efforts to remove my character defects end in disaster, I can be open to the message that someone much more understanding and accepting of me than I am needs to take over handling my life.”
29. “That’s a tremendous relief.”
30. I’m grateful that I’ve done this amount of my morning work so far today: some prayers of thanks and some for myself and others, CoDA morning feelings/journal work, affirmations on blog, and some of my readings.
31. Yesterday’s In This Moment: “In This Moment, I’m not in charge. I used to manipulate and control others. I wound up feeling frustrated and resentful. I don’t do that anymore.”
32. And this hope: “today, I let go of the need to control. I’m not in charge! What a relief!”
33. Oh – this is very hopeful on a morning when I feel so bad. Today’s In This Moment: “In This Mometn, I walk the walk. No matter how hard the journey, there is always a principle in the CoDA program that answers my need.”
34. And “I remember many frightening times filled with questions, yet knowing that the answers would come, I put my trust in the program.”
35. “I walk toward what I perceive as wellness.”
36. “And sure enough, when I get to the other side, the lesson becomes clear.”
37. And “I am grateful for the many ways the principles of recovery are woven into my life.”
38. Yesterday’s Language of Letting Go: “There is a difference between treating ourselves well financially and overspending. We can learn to discern that difference.”
39. “We can develop responsible spending habits that reflect high self-esteem and love for ourselves.”
40. “Today, I will strive for balance in my spending habits. If I am overspending [me] or depriving myself, I will ask myself if that’s necessary and what I want.” Okay. Good.
41. And looking ahead to tomorrow’s, because I hate today’s about ending relationships, it says: “Bring Any Request to God.” Yay.
42. “No request is too large; none too small or insignificant.”
43. “How often we limit God by not bringing to god everything we want and need.”
44. “Do we need help getting our balance? Getting through the day? Do we need help in a particular relationship?”
45. “With a particular character defect? Attaining a character asset?”
46. “Do we need help making progress on a particular task that is challenging us?”
47. “Do we need help with a feeling?”
48. “Do we want to change a self-defeating belief that has been challenging us?”
49. “Is there something in God’s Universe that would really bring us joy? We can ask for it. We can ask God for whatever we want. Put the request in God’s hands, trusting it has been heard, then let it go. Leave the decision to God.”
50. “Asking for what we want and need is taking care of ourselves.”
51. “Trust that the Higher Power to whom we have turned over our life and will really does care about us and about what we want and need.”
52. “Today, I will ask my Higher Power for what I want and need. “
53. “I will not demand – I will ask. Then I will let go.” Thank you Lord, for this.
54. I’m grateful that I showered today.
55. And ent to the gym
56. And met O there
57. And did 4 miles at level 2.
58. And went straight to the meeting.
59. And it was a good meeting.
60. And a newcomer wants to call me.
61. And tomorrow my sponsee starts.
62. And then I went to lunch with two others and it was nice.
63. And then one had to leave and the other one and I stayed and it was nice.
64. And she told me how to get OA podcasts.
65. And that I came home to doggie
66. And practiced for 20 minutes.
67. And am now chilling with cold water and tv.
68. And I called MA
69. And *maybe * doggie and I will go there for a bit
70. And then maybe I’ll go to the other meeting.
71. Meanwhile, I think O is not just hooked on needing me, but is trying to support me by seeing me so much! How nice!
72. And – I’m grateful that I told her I can’t keep spending.
73. And that she said she can’t either.
74. Next morning now. I’m grateful for my talk with Sp. today
75. And that although the room was mildewy and I couldn’t stay, I did try to go to that meeting last night.
76. And that I food shop today
77. And take my mother
78. And it’s a new day
79. I’m grateful that I don’t live in a horribly isolated place.
80. And I’m grateful that those suicidal thoughts this weekend didn’t last longer.
81. And that I didn’t act on them.
82. And that maybe my sponsee will start today.
83. That M just called and we had a talk.
84. That I just sent O that information
85. That doggie was with me for sleep last night
86. That she and I cuddled this morning
87. That I can buy toilet tissue today – really – some people can’t
88. That M’s new nanny person is working out so well for her
89. That that woman from the progam with the moldy room e-mailed me trying to help. That was nice.
90. That J will take doggie tonight. I will miss her, but at least I won’t have to take care of her with my thumb business, and she won’t be crazy-bored, so it’s best and I’m glad he will.
91. That my digestive system works
92. That I believe God can heal everything.
93. Even me.
94. Even my marriage.
95. That I actually feel some relief after praying to God and the Blessed Virgin just now.
96. That most people say there is hope for my marriage.
97. And although one says there isn’t, God can do anything.
98. That I know I must change. For me.
99. And that I am doing it.
100. And that it is my hope for the marriage as well.
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