I am grateful:
1. I had a beautifully easy abstinence yesterday
2. And with lots of veggies.
3. I am a sponsor now. Helping someone get from where I was a few months ago to where I am now. What a wonderful feeling!
4. I gave time already to her.
5. Reading sections of the Big Book to give to *her * wound up being so great for me!
6. Doggie and I slept last night.
7. I even had some good dreams. I am sorry when I awake and it turns out they are not real, but I’m glad to have had happy dreams instead of terrible.
8. My digestive system works so great since being vegan and eating better.
9. I am in e-mail communication with some wonderful people.
10. That custodian wrote back that I do *not * have to go in to empty fridge and unplug SmartBoard – he will do.
11. Today’s For Today: “If you are reluctant to ask the way, you will be lost.” Malay proverb
12. “If I knew what to do to arrest my illness, I wouldn’t be here.”
13. “Recovery requires a change of ways, a willingness to go to any length.”
14. “I need to ask directions…”
15. I am grateful that I think I have the greatest sponsor in the world!
16. “I have to ask questions, even when I think I know the answers – or, perhaps, especially when I think I know the answers.”
17. And it says, and I see this as a promise: “Step by step, I will find my way, asking for help, using telephone numbers, getting a sponsor, listening and sharing at meetings.”
18. And “I will do what is necessary to be restored to sanity.”
19. And “For today: May I continue to discard more of the pride and arrogance I put aside when I came to OA and asked for help.”
20. Okay, this one is very hopeful to me: “You won’t know that you have lived until you have lived this way.” Beyond Our Wildest Dreams p. 28
21. Oh my God this is me: “If someone had told me, …years before… that I’d more than double my body weight, be riddles with fear and depression, and lose everything that mattered to me, I’d have said that was impossible.”
22. And “If someone had told me at my first meeting that in less than six years, I’d be eating healthy foods in healthy amounts at healthy times, have a normal body weight, be free of fear and depression, and be a brand new person with a brand new life, I’d have said that was impossible.”
23. “Many people settle for ‘okay.’ They just go through each day, often thinking in terms of problems, rather that solutions. We’re the lucky ones. We’ve found time-tested solutions to any problem life could possibly bring.”
24. “We’ve discovered what the Big Book calls ‘a design for living that really works.’”
25. Wow this bring me hope. (And will help me get through the lunch too).
26. “It brings us a happy, joyous, and free abstinence and so much more.”
27. “We don’t have to settle for less than every single promise in the Big Book coming absolutely true!” Oh, thank you God.
28. I am grateful that although I had a confusion because of the holiday, I heard the garbage truck and I ran down there and got them to put my garbage on that truck. Smelliest garbage too! Between the dead rotting flowers and the bathroom tissues thanks to the toilet situation, and the heat. So yay, the garbage is out!
29. I am grateful that I watered the plants this morning.
30. I am grateful that the gym is the thing I’m looking forward to today!
31. That today’s In This Moment says, “In This Moment, my relationships are real. A certain sense of hero worship while growing up may be understandable, but I saw nothing wrong with making other people, such as …teachers, or bosses, [ or MEN ] [ or therapist ] my Gods. I thought if I worked hard enough and accomplished enough, they’d have to love me, or at least respect me.” Yes, that was me. Almost my whole entire life. Just started to change.
32. And “external validation was never enough.” Yup.
33. And “Disillusionment ultimately set in because these authority figures were only human.”
34. And this: “Today, as I work my CoDA program, I have a true Higher Power.”
35. And “Although it has taken me many years to understand this aspect of my codependencey, it is worth the journey. My relationship with my Higher Power allows me to have realistic relationships with other human beings.” That’s a nice promise to hear (may it be true).
36. Here we are back at Step Seven (in 7th month everyone seems to be looking at it). Today’s Language of Letting Go: “Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings. – Step Seven of Al-Anon” Humbly.
37. “In the Sixth and Seventh Steps of the program, we become willing to let go of our defects of character – issues, behaviors, old feelings, unresolved grief, and beliefs that are blocking us from the joy that is ours. Then we ask God to take them from us.”
38. And it says: “isn’t that simple?”
39. And “We don’t have to contort ourselves to make ourselves change. We don’t have to force change.”
40. And “for once, we don’t have to ‘do it ourselves.’”
41. “All we have to do is strive for an attitude of willingness and humility.”
42. “All we have to do is ask God for what we want and need, and then rust God to do for us that which we cannot do and do not have to do for ourselves.”
43. And this really important one for me: “We do not have to watch with bated breath for how and when we shall change.”
44. “This is not a self-help program.” Huge.
45. “In this miraculous and effective program that has brought about recovery and change for millions,” Wow – that’s big for me to hear!
46. “we become changed by working the Steps.” Thank you, God.
47. And this: “Today, God, help me surrender to recovery and to the process by which I become changed.
48. “Help me focus on the Step I need.
49. “Help me do my part,
50. “relax,
51. “and allow the rest to happen.” I needed that all.
52. I am grateful that I just meditated.
53. And posted about it.
54. And that it was beautiful.
55. And that I heard the birds.
56. And that the vivid pink carnations are not making me allergic.
57. And that I’m more calm now about the lunch: perspective.
58. I’m grateful that I just cleaned up the kitchen. Next time I’ll wash the stovetop etc.
59. And that after, I had this thought/realization: All I’m going to do is: go to the bathroom, clean out the back seat of my car, take a quick shower and get dressed, and go to lunch. No big deal. I can do this.
60. The car’s cleaned out! The car’s cleaned out! All right, not fully. But enough for the three of us to ride around in it!
61. And I just know I’ll be able to do more soon!
62. I’m grateful that I went to the lunch.
63. And that although my mother’s friend was sick, it was just the two of us.
64. And we had *such * a nice time!
65. And delicious, abstinent food for me,
66. And delicious food for her!
67. And that she looked so wonderful
68. Even her clothes
69. And that she said to me at one point, “You know, except for my back hurting, I’m in great shape.”
70. And she is! Even though she has many conditions, she is able to take care of herself, do her laundry, and take care of her apartment.
71. And J. is looking for a new acupuncturist who takes her insurance.
72. And then I went to the gym.
73. And met O. there.
74. And it was good for me AND nice.
75. And a friend of mine needs to go to NA, and I could go if it is an open meeting, and another friend is coming to drop off a meeting list!
76. And doggie is napping, seemingly happily, next to me right now.
77. And I have a good dinner planned.
78. And I can go to an OA meeting if I want.
79. That I am going to go the gym tomorrow
80. And to cheap place to buy pots to repot all my plants
81. And then first day not thunderstorm, will repot them! ~yay~
82. Next morning: L, K, program, and Ma – all of whom are a big help in my meeting God.
83. O – daily friendship
84. That I slept last night
85. A/c
86. That I love my l.r. now. Yes it needs some ceiling work, and yes I have to do something about the mantle, the dog’s toys and the clutter by the door, but I feel good in here and it’s pretty.
87. I *will * figure out a way to make the d.r. pretty too.
88. That again, I felt, “Oh shit – I have to water the flowers.” BUT – I did it.
89. And – it felt pretty nice too
90. And – it got me outside for a few minutes early in the morning
91. That I woke up
92. That I remembered to thank God in bed
93. And that I did my kneeling prayer
94. And my prostrate prayer
95. That I am so fortunate as to have the ability to breathe on my own, not be in an iron lung or something
96. Plums
97. The example of children. How they can be so upset and then just let it go and move on and enjoy something.
98. Every time I am able to live in the moment, like this morning already some of the times.
99. Everyone who practices mindfulness.
100. And everyone who shares about it.
No comments:
Post a Comment