My Hundred Gratitudes Today

I am grateful:

1. I can type! Dr. said to go by how it feels. I’m so grateful!
2. Piano too!
3. And even driving!
4. I’m grateful that although I ate too much last night, I didn’t eat junk.
5. And that I don’t feel dismal and despairing as I did when I first woke up today.
6. That I got to the thumb doc
7. And it is not hurting nearly as much as last time
8. And I got home
9. And had nutrients
10. And had nutrients this am too
11. And that someone at Sunday’s meeting said she learned something important from me just from when I said food is for nutrition not emotions or entertainment…
12. Recent Recovery Meditation: “The insanity of this disease is
expecting a different result by continually doing the same old thing.” I know I’ve heard this kind of thing, but today it really hit me.
13. And “Sanity is giving up what didn't work and daring to try something new.”
14. And this: “ONE DAY AT A TIME . . . I am going to trust that obedience to the program will, in time, restore me to sanity.”
15. That I’m having this little bit of emotional relief at this moment.
16. That I iced my thumb and will continue every 20 minutes as instructed, and it already is feeling better.
17. Today’s For Today: “Do not set your eyes on things far off.” Pythian Odes
18. And this: “Unhappy people do not live in the present.”
19. “They have their eyes on some distant future when everything will be wonderful.” That has always been me.
20. And “Compulsive overeaters will no longer be fat – something will have magically ‘fixed’ them, and they will live the lives they always dreamed of having.
21. And “The tragedy of projection, of course, is that it is all illusion; that beautiful future becomes the contemptible present.”
22. And this: “I am not buying that illusion today.”
23. And “The only way I can assure myself of the best possible future is to live as well as I can today.”
24. And “For today: I refuse to sacrifice today for a tomorrow that never comes. I have everything I need to live today.”
25. Today’s Voices of Recovery: “Once we compulsive overeaters truly take the Third Step, we cannot fail to recover.” OA 12 & 12 p. 27
26. And this, which is me, including this very morning(!): “Some morning I awaken earlier than usual, my mind alive with frantic thoughts. The fear has returned. I will not get something that I want; things will not turn out well; my life has been reduced to keeping my disease at bay [ or less].”
27. “These are the products of my self-centered fear: negativity, anxiety, living in a future not yet formed with an ungrateful heart.”
28. “I see only what my disease has taken from me –everything that I ‘deserved.’”
29. Then it says, “I take my quiet time and begin to see new possibilities.
30. “I surrender the need to know how it will all turn out.
31. “I realize that I am getting well, a day at a time.
32. “I am learning how to trust.
33. “We who have been deeply affected by this disease band together to teach each other how to live without resorting to compulsive eating,
34. “I am exactly where I’m supposed to be
35. “When I take my fear to God, He gives me the ability and the desire to see my life more clearly.
36. “My faith leads me to everything I need to surmount my difficulties if I am open to receiving the gift.
37. “I trust that God will take care of me.” There is so much hope in all of this. And that’s a relief.
38. And, in sticking with the themes, other program book, In This Moment, says: “In This Moment, I live in the present.”
39. And “I often find my mind wandering back in time, replaying past situations in a distorted manner. I am bombarded with negative thoughts like ‘If only I could have made that person like me. I wouldn’t be alone today,’ or ‘I shouldn’t have reacted that way, ‘ or ‘Why do the same things keep happening to me over and over?’ or ‘That person really wasn’t so bad, maybe it was just me, ‘ or ‘If I were prettier, funnier, smarter, that person wouldn’t have left me,’ [ Yes! ] and the clincher, ‘It was all my fault.’”
40. “When these thoughts start whirling around in my head, the best thing for me to do is turn my life over to the care of God.
41. “I release worry, guilt, and regret about my past.
42. “I ask for the strength and guidance needed to change my old ways of thinking, feeling, and reacting.
43. “Slowly, but surely, I realize that there is no future in the past.”
44. And in today’s Language of Letting Go: “God is subtle, but he is not malicious.” Albert Einstein
45. And “Recovery is an intensely spiritual process that asks us to grow in our understanding of God.
46. “Our understanding may have been shaped by early religious experiences or the beliefs of those around us. We may wonder if God is as shaming and frightening as people can be. We may feel as victimized or abandoned by God as we have by people from our past. Trying to understand God may boggle our mind because of what we have learned and experienced so far in our life. We can learn to trust God, anyway.”
47. And “I have grown and changed in my understanding of this Power greater than myself.
48. “My understanding has not grown on an intellectual level, but because of what I have experienced since I turned my life and my will over to the care of God, as I understood, or rather didn’t understand, God.” [Which also goes back to Step Three, like above]
49. And it says: “God is real. Loving. Good. Caring.
50. “God wants to give us all the good we can handle.
51. “The more we turn our mind and heart toward a positive understanding of God, the more God validates us.
52. “The more we thank God for who God is, who we are, and the exact nature of our present circumstances, the more God acts in our behalf.
53. “In fact, all along, God planned to act in our behalf.
54. “God is Creator, Benefactor, and Source
55. “God has shown me, beyond all else, that how I come to understand God is not nearly as important as knowing tha God understands me.
56. And “today, I will be open to growing in my understanding of my Higher Power.
57. “I will be open to letting go of old, limiting, negative beliefs about God.
58. “No mater how I understand God, I will be grateful that God understands me.”
59. I am not always, especially this past Sat, Sun, Mon, and this morning, but right now I am grateful to God that I am alive
60. I am grateful for the Third Step prayer. “God, I offer myself to Thee, to build with me and to do with me as You will. Relieve me of the bondage of self that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties so that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy power, Thy love, and Thy way of life. May I do Thy will always. Amen. “I’m pretty sure I’ve used this before in gratitudes, so I’ll add extra.
61. And the Seventh Step prayer: “My Creator, I am now willing that You would have all of me, good and bad. I pray that You now remove from me every single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows. Grant me strength, as I go out from here to do Your bidding. Amen.”
62. That I feel sort of sacred today. Like I really am God’s. That maybe my prayers can be/are being answered.
63. That I have this place, blog, where I can be 100% myself.
64. And not be made fun of for it either.
65. I’m grateful for what I just saw through msn.com at http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21134540/vp/43724128#43724128
66. And other link same topic next day too: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21134540/vp/43737929#43737929
67. That I just sent that e-mail to MA with the above info
68. That I just wrote some cute haiku for my long-distance friend whom I truly love
69. That there is still hope for me and J. (repeat, so I’ll add even more)
70. That I did my Step Eight work today. That I was emotionally able to keep that commitment.
71. And physically able (thumb)
72. That Ma and I are probably going to bookstore together later
73. I am grateful that this repeat of Depak Chopra on Dr. Oz today
74. And that he’s giving 5 full minutes of air time to Deepak leading the audience in meditation
75. This is the meditation and I love it:
*Feel flat, palms open and receptive
*Attention on heart
*Be aware of some Gratitudes – some of your blessings
*Ask self: Do NOT worry about finding answer – just questions: Who am I? What do I want? What’s my purpose? What makes me happy? *Now just awareness of sensations in your body
*Back to focus on heart – try to focus attention and sense it - either as a sound or a sensation
*Relax into your body and if you want, move or stretch,
*And gently open your eyes
76. Explanation–
*Neurons in limbic brain for emotional fulfillment nerugenisis and synaptic genesis fired – rewire (and neurons that fire, re-wire)
*Activate pre-frontal cortex – rewiring – front of brain resp. for thought
*Scan your body to feel sensations stimulates somatosomething cortex so rewiring that making it more coherent too
*Then heart and sense beat as sound or sensation - some people take beta blockers just to do that – drops blood pressure –
*In just a few months amazing changes
77. I’m grateful that my dr. is probably on his way here right now – oh – I even hear the door – yay – more later
78. I just had a session with my dr. I think there is still some hope for me and J. Some.
79. And working on myself is still the best thing to do
80. I showed him my blog, not content but generally – set-up etc. And it felt so good seeing how many “hits” and the loves who comment and that I am not alone in cyber-space. Thank you, God.
81. My e-mail friends.
82. I just found my copy of Vegan on the Cheap which I thought I’d misplaced
83. And, in the looking for it the other day, I found 2 papers I needed and one I might have, so it’s good that it happened anyway.
84. I’m on my way to the bookstore, with gift certificate(s)!: )
85. When I get home, I shall meditate and post about it on the med. thread
86. Tomorrow I think I shall use my cookbooks and plan good CHEAP healthy abstinent tasty food for next week or after that – including using all I can of what I have here
87. Tomorrow I get to go to the gym
88. With O
89. I’m grateful that I haven’t killed myself.
90. And that I’ve never “cut” myself.
91. And that they say, Don’t quit before the miracle. And I might have one.
92. That I’ve stated writing the paper we need to hand in next week.
93. I went to the bookstore with Ma, and am back.
94. And I got *three * vegan cookbooks! For free because of the gift certificates: )
95. And I still have $29.00 left!
96. And – there was a moment, when I left her at the table and said I was going back to check the shelf for something, and I thought, “Oh, I’m having a nice time.” ***I was having a nice time! At the bookstore without J. That was unexpected, wow.
97. And I think I’m starting to associate food with hunger and with nutrition more. It was always nothing but emotions to me.
98. I’m grateful for the show about Mary.
99. And for the thought that there is a religious channel.
100. And I could maybe get dvds or something, and learn more.
101. And that I did my drops and pill just now
102. Healers