I took my friend to an NA meeting last night. Open, because I do not qualify to be there as I don't have a drug addiction, but an eating addiction. A beginner's meeting.
Awesome.
Powerful.
Wow.
We are both white. Lots of people in the room. We were the only two white people.
Some people had been to jail or even prison. Some had been unemployed for long periods. Etc. Etc. Hard hard lives.
Within about 15 minutes all the differences were stripped away. We are all the same. We are all people. We are all addicts. We are all friends of Bill W.
Later, at dinner, I stopped eating earlier through the meal than I normally would. Was able to say to self, not even "Are you satisfied?" but "Have you had enough nutrients? Do you need more nutrients? Then why would you be having another bite? Just while you're chatting? Just for flavor? Why?" And I stopped eating. I did not need more nutrients. I had had half a restaurant portion. That's plenty, for sure.
Also,
Last summer I sat here frozen while J would be out during the day. Frozen. Regressed like an infant who needs mommy. Literally. It concerned my shrink.
Then - not for myself, but so *he * would not think I'm crazy - I would do one thing. A meeting or food shop a little or take a shower. Something. Just so he would think I was doing something. But most hours of my life I sat here frozen in terror that he was leaving me (which didn't help, for sure). But anyway:
This summer, I have planted flowers. I go to the park. I walk the dog. I eat vegetables. I visit MA and she comes here and we go out together; I have had lunch with M; I have had lunch with MA and ML and S; I have plans with other friends; I see O many days; I am seeing Mar today; I go to meetings for me; I do service; I read; I watch tv for fun; I practice piano; I take out the garbage; I do my laundry; I shower; I keep the place neat; I am cleaning out my car; I go to the gym (!) 5 days a week; I have people here... ... ...
I
am
living
I
am
living
a
miracle
Thank you, God.
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