Today's One Hundred Gratitudes, July 4th

I am grateful:

1. The OA pamphlet I’m reading says, “Choosing to follow a healthy plan of eating is a positive choice for life.”
2. And “There is no question that food often takes the edge off uncomfortable emotions. When we are abstinent, we begin to experience the feelings that food has kept us from facing. Recovery is about learning to face these feelings without seeking comfort in food. This is what we learn in our emotional and spiritual growth in the program. Excess food keeps us from ‘feeling and dealing,’ and we must put food down before we can get the full benefits of the program.”
3. And even watching Celebrity Rehab helps me to see this. I’ve seen it twice now. And it’s the same thing.
4. “The pain became so great that finally we were wiling to take action.” Yes. I get that. In food and in life. (Step One again: )
5. “To use the plan of eating tool, we have to be willing to accept that the disease is stronger than our willpower.”
6. “We must be willing to try a way other than our own.”
7. “We must be willing to begin again if we make a mistake.”
8. Uh oh: “And most importantly, we must be willing to put the pursuit of abstinence from compulsive overeating ahead of everything.” I MUST remember that! R. told it to me one and it’s been very helpful. And reading it here is really good for me too.
9. I love that it says this: “Thinking of eating is not overeating. We do not have to act on our feelings.”
10. And The worst ting we can do is try to talk ourselves out of it. Our unaided willpower will almost always lose. Taking some sort-term action – any action other than eating – will usually help alleviate the urge.”
11. “Here are a few things we can do: ask our Higher Power to remove the urge; call another member and explain what is going on; get to a meeting; write about our feelings; read a piece of OA or AA literature to help us focus on our recovery; and remind ourselves that we can abstain, no matter what. For more suggestions, see OA”s brochure, ‘Before You Take That First Compulsive Bite.’
12. “Our irrational thinking may make us view a plan of eating as a loss of freedom,, when in fact it leads to freedom.”
13. “There is no value in feeling shame, guilt and self-hate.”
14. “Failure is being unwilling to start over.”
15. “The best thing we can do for those we love is to recover from the disease, whatever it takes.”
16. When we conscientiously follow our plan of eating, and each of these is beautiful promise to me!:“The accomplishment begins to make us feel good about ourselves and grateful for our Higher Power.”
17. “Our feelings of self-worth begin to grow when we see the results of working all three aspects of the program.”
18. “We come to understand that our self-esteem comes not from others, but from within.”
19. “Chaos and cloudiness are replaced with a new clarity.”
20. “Our accomplishments reinforce that we are going in the right direction and motivate us to continue our journey through the Twelve Steps.”
21. “This is what will ultimately lead to the food obsession being lifted.”
22. “And becoming abstinent also puts us in a position to help others who are where we were.”
23. “We can help. We have done it. We are you. Welcome.” That’s comforting to me.
24. In “Dignity of Choice” pamphlet it says: “The practice of the Twelve Steps will, with time, relieve you of the desire to eat those foods or return to those eating behaviors.”
25. And “When we think of this process not as deprivation but as a positive act and an ongoing spiritual discipline, we begin to find freedom.”
26. I am grateful that I am ready to list here right now the trigger foods for me. Between foods that make me crazy and foods that make me obsess and binge: white flour products, whole wheat pasta, most crackers, soda – regular or diet, French fries, deep-fried foods,candy, chocolate, vegan ice cream, pasta with butter substitute, many breads, potato chips, cupcakes, cookies, muffins and brownies and frosting, even the vegan ones which are the ones I eat. It’s about the carbs for me. I’m a REFINED CARB ADDICT more than a sugar addict.
27. And I’m grateful that I’m willing to list my eating behaviors that I must refrain from, right here, right now: Eating at night after dinner! Dinner is a meal. The end! It is NOT the thing to get over with to then go on and eat for soothing or entertainment or whatever. I believe that for me a healthy snack (like a piece of fruit and a cup of soy or almond milk) is fine. But that’s all! And eating for long periods of time. A meal has a reasonable beginning and end. And even restricting calories too much. Hiding/hoarding food. Uh oh. Eating while watching television or driving or reading? And searching magazines for the latest weight loss scheme. And yes, even for me distorted thinking leading me to believe more and more foods will cause me problems, which can lead to dangerous undereating.
28. “Honesty is the key – we have to make certain we are not fooling ourselves. This is a serious business. We have to eliminate the foods and eating behaviors that trigger our compulsive eating, even though it means setting aside eating patterns that seem to form important parts of our lives.”
29. Ways to deal with quantity: “Some of us eat only one plate’s worth, don’t go back for seconds, leave something on our plate, or stop when we feel full. Others find it important to weigh and measure their food.” HONESTLY, I think weighing and measuring is bad for me but the one plate, and using the white plates which are a more reasonable size, or the lunch containers, makes sense for me. And like one piece of fruit, one packet of oatmeal, that kind of thing.
30. For TODAY I will follow the 3-0-1 Plan:
*3 moderate, nutritious meals for the da, with nothing in between. *Not eating the foods and food ingredients I identify as causing cravings *Not engage in the eating behaviors I identify as causing cravings. Ex. tv ok, car not ok.
31. Dr. Weill on Dr. Oz
32. That although I’ve misplaced my seems-important Vegan on the Cheap cookbook, I can replace it with a gift certificate I got if I want to.
33. And – then if I find it, I can send it to someone for free! : )
34. That tomorrow I shall take my mother to the bank and shopping
35. And Wed. we will go out, together with her best friend, for Indian buffet.
36. That in a recent Recovery Meditation it says: “Sometimes we have to go to the absolute bottom. If we’re extremely lucky, the absolute bottom is where we find our inspiration.” Well, that’s me, I think.
37. And “Sometimes I think that people who don’t hit absolute bottoms are missing a valuable experience.”
38. And “The greatest gift is to be able to step away from the edge and live life without the fear of failing.”
39. And this, which I really need: “ONE DAY AT A TIME. . . I will stop living on the edge; I will stop regretting my past; I will avoid the trapdoor.”
40. A recent Recovery Meditation makes much o the 24 hours idea. And I feel I’m finally ready at that.
41. Wow. I didn’t realize that Friday’s horoscope for me said “Make some change in your life today, and you will find that new opportunities are in store for you.” And that is the day I planted and started at the gym!
42. In another Recovery Meditation it says: “ONE DAY AT A TIME. . . Just for today I will take action and not put off until tomorrow what I can do today.” I’m glad I’m reading these.
I just read in an e-mail: "I know I fail, thats why Jesus died for me. He helps me daily".
43. I’m grateful that I took doggie to the park.
44. She got some stream time
45. and some running in the field off-leash time,
46. and some walking ahead and around and next to me off-leash time.
47. And I saw a beautiful cardinal, so close up! And maybe another – or was it the same one…
48. And when we came back, she didn’t pull to the house like she usually would, so I sensed she wanted more so I followed and I’m glad we did.
49. She was happy, we walked up the block
50. And we ran into neighbor she loves with his dog whom she loves to see
51. And – it meant I walked for about 40 minutes (as did she)
52. And then I came back and gave her a treat because she was so good every time I called her and all
53. And then – I went to the gym. Yay.
54. And right now Roseanne is on and lunch is cooking.
55. Then I’ll shower and do some laundry and finish cleaning up the kitchen.
56. I am more desirable than I used to be.
57. Maybe more desirable than I ever was. Because even young and thin and so pretty, I was not *at all * whole inside. I am more whole now. Becoming whole.
58. I am a woman.
59. I am now a woman who exercises.
60. I am now a woman who goes to the gym and exercises. Cool!
61. And I only pay 10 dollars a month. Cool!
62. I am so grateful that C. is praying for my marriage.
63. The Gardein burger was delicious.
64. I had a regular human sized lunch.
65. I think today is kind of rehab, with my new eating plan. And that may help explain some of my bad feelings.
66. And also, it’s my *only * job today. So that’s relieving in a way.
67. I remember J’s shyness and some of our empty times, and I don’t want/miss *that *
68. I like that I’m just going to continue doing the work and the “working on” fun, day by day. Because I do believe in the cumulative effect.
69. Dr Phil: “The only time is now. The only people here are these. And we have to grow up and make some choices.”
70. And he’s telling their family to celebrate the years that you had your father and have some joy in thinking about him.
71. And I can do that.
72. I’m grateful that I had him.
73. That in an e-mail it says: By taking care of yourself today, you will increase your vitality and overall sense of well-being.
74. In another e-mail: “…being truly productive means learning what we need.” (Not getting so busy and caught up that we ignore ourselves).
75. And it goes on to say, “By listening to what you need throughout the day today, you will accomplish everything you set out to do.”
76. O just said “There is so much progress in me.” I’m grateful.
77. I just used an online therapist thing, and she was nice, but told me no things to do that I hadn’t already said I’m doing. So I got a refund. I’m glad I did that.
78. M just called and I’m about to call her back.
79. O called to see how am, if want to go tonight, and if she should come with me to gym tomorrow.
80. I just saw online: It's easy to get discouraged when things are going bad, but we shouldn't lose heart, because God is at work in our lives, even in the midst of our pain and suffering.
Remember that the next time your little hut seems to be burning to the ground.
It just may be a smoke signal that summons the Grace of God.
81. And this, which I certainly wish I had DONE while J. was living here, but need the reminder of now: When tempers rise, it is often a good idea to back away from the situation until cooler minds prevail. We can always return for further discussion when we have calmed down. We can’t avoid troubling situations, but we can use time and distance to find perspective.
82. And this: We can’t go through our entire recovery without encountering disagreements and differences of opinion. Sometimes we can back away from these situations, taking time to reflect on them, but there always comes a time when conflict must be resolved. When that time comes, we take a deep breath, say a prayer, and apply the principles our program has given us: honesty, openness, responsibility, forgiveness, trust, and all the rest.
83. And this: Just for today: The principles my program has given me are sufficient to guide me through any situation. I will strive to confront conflict in a healthy way.
84. Freedom from active compulsive eating gives us the freedom to be ourselves, as we truly are.
85. And this: Just for today: I have my own path to follow, yet I’m grateful for the fellowship of others who’ve suffered from food addictions and compulsive eating and who are learning to apply the principles of recovery, just like me.
86. Emily Dickinson’s words: “Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul
And sings the tune without the words
And never stops at all.”
Emily Dickinson
87. And Rec. Med. says: The Twelve Steps gave me the
most beautiful gift I have ever received
... a gift that no one can ever take
away from me ... a gift that I treasure
above all gifts: hope. They gave me the
gift of hope.
88. And this: ONE DAY AT A TIME . . .

I will hold onto my hope.
One day at a time ... I will treasure my hope.
One day at a time ... hope perches in my soul.
One day at a time ... hope sings its song.
89. And this: e need to remember that our recovery program is the foundation upon which our new lives are built. Each day, we must renew our commitment to recovery, maintaining that as our top priority.
90. I’ve been pretty unhappy today. But this sounds cheerful to me: Just for today: I want to continue enjoying the life I’ve found in recovery. Today, I will take steps to maintain my foundation.
91. I *will * get through this night.
92. I’ll know better than to put off my kneeling and protrate prayers tomorrow.
93. That I finally did my kneeling and prostrate prayers today.
94. And that I did meditate, finally.
95. And it felt good.
96. And I posted about it.
97. And tomorrow I am committed to doing 10 – 20 minutes on Step Eight, and to praying all ways FIRST thing in morning, not later.
98. That there is hope still. And I will continue making my changes. For me. But also for the hope.
99. I think that I will stay abstinent, for my sponsee! And my sp said that happened with self, too.
100. With God’s help, I have kept my abstinence so far today. And think I can til tomorrow morning. One day at a time; one day.