I am grateful:
1. I am grateful that I am not a hoarder. I have too much stuff, but the people who are really hoarders must suffer so.
2. I am grateful that God is in my life and I can feel Him.
3. I am grateful that there are SIX followers on my blog! Thank you, God!!
4. I am grateful to have a sponsee – I cannot get myself to overeat while I am helping someone else. Wow. I guess that’s why they say we can’t keep it unless we give it away
5. I am grateful for NA people. Although I do not have a drug problem, I’ve been at open meetings where I’m allowed, and oh, the people have been so open and bottom-line and welcoming and deep and sharing. I love OA of course, which is my program. But I have to go to A LOT of OA meetings to hear what I hear in ONE NA meeting.
6. “In order to succeed I have to turn off my brain and open my heart” Sp
7. Sp also said today that only with deep pain do I (meant self) do the work. How started…Me too.
8. I’m grateful that I was able to take my mother here, to her radiation test today. I ope it’s all right.
9. I’m grateful for the time I have with her.
10. I’m grateful that I have the luxury of being able to nap later if I still feel so tired after so little sleep
11. I’m grateful that I felt sexy this morning in my cute undies and bra with shoes on
12. And that I realized that even at my weight I can make the best of it. (I hope J gets to see that)
13. I’m grateful that I’m down a few pounds
14. And that I’ll get to go to the gym later
15. And meet O there
16. And that she will drive me to eye dr. Thurs so I’ll just need a way back
17. That I don’t want to be dependent like I used to be and got more and moreso for so long
18. The words happy, joyous and free. Maybe that will happen for me.
19. Daily OM says “Perhaps you may know on an intuitive level that there is more to living your life than simply your day-to-day activities, and you may want to investigate ways to incorporate this spiritual wisdom into your life.”
20. And Creating a life that is full of meaning involves so much more than simply wishing it to be so. It also takes a concerted effort to connect with the innermost part of our higher selves be it through meditation, prayer, reflection, or study.”
21. And “These things allow us to tap into the unlimited knowledge of the universe and find our direction for further growth.”
22. And this: “By awakening your divine connection to the universe today, your life will have more meaning and you will move even closer to self-realization.”
23. For the words: “Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.” Step Two. I had the most trouble with this step. But no, wow. I so want this. My trouble was not about not believing I was crazy, but about not being able to believe God could/would do this.
24. In an e-mail today: “You either get what you want or you get a lesson. You can’t lose.” Hmmm.
25. I’m grateful that I’m not here scared and in need of a test today. I have been there. (And of course I hope my mother isn’t scared and of course I’m scared for her, but I’m grateful for the other that’s all).
26. In Daily OM: “Distracting yourself with talk-radio, television, or other background noises can also prevent you from finding closure to issues that haunt you.”
27. “Drowning out the thoughts and emotions you find uncomfortable or overwhelming can complicate your issues because it allows them to fester.”
28. “By tuning out noise and relishing silence, you create the space to experience and express what you are hiding. It is only then that self-exploration can begin in earnest and you can stare down frightening issues. In silence, it becomes easier to let your strongest feelings come forth, deal with them, and find new ways of resolving your problems.”
29. “When you go within without the veil of noise to shield you from yourself, you’ll be able to figure out what you need to heal.”
30. “Embracing silence and introspection allows you to work through your thoughts and emotions and transmute them.”
31. “Free of the need for noise, you can accept your pain, anger, and frustration as they come up and turn them into opportunities to evolve.”
32. Daily OM: “Our lives improve only when we take chances – and the first and most difficult risk we can take is to be honest with ourselves.” Walter Anderson
33. And e-mailing from someone reminding herself that when needs, will ask God for help. I need to remember this too.
34. Someone e-mailing “Just for today I choose to believe that I can live one day. I can do it.” I kind of need to take that approach, I think, too.
35. Another e-mail: “Just for today: Higher Power, help me discover what’s most important in my life. Help me learn patience, that I can devote my resources to the important things.”
36. I’m grateful that my mother got through that medical test, even though she found it so uncomfortable. And I got her home to her air conditioning and ice water.
37. And that I got to the gym and exercised
38. And met O there
39. And that even though it turned out she couldn’t, that O had offered to take me to the thumb appointment so I wouldn’t have to drive home
40. And that MA called and invited me over, even though I can’t go.
41. And that she shares with me about her depressive struggly times – it helps me to learn how somehow can go through the bad feelings and yet still manage to be upbeat for many times, and get done what needs,…
42. Hope. I’m so grateful for hope. J used to call me “The 8th dwarf, Hopeful.”
43. Wow. I wish I’d have known this one earlier. Today’s For Today: “It is not often that any man can have so much knowledge of another, as is necessary to make instruction useful.” Samuel Johnson
44. “What is in each person’s head is a sum total of experience from our very beginnings.”
45. In today’s Voices of Recovery: “and that truth – our promise of recovery – is in every OA meeting when we join hands, pray together, and joyously, lovingly, encourage one another: Keep Coming Back!” OA, edition 2 p. 26
46. “…but I seemed to always slip back into the grips of the disease. And then I heard, ‘Keep Coming Back’ one day, and I made a decision to do just that.
47. “If I slipped away from my abstinence, I was determined to ‘Keep coming Back’ to it.
48. “If I stopped talking to my Higher Power, I was determined to ‘Keep Coming Back’ to Him.
49. “If I found I wasn’t using the tools or trying to work the Steps, I decided to ‘Keep Coming Back’ to them.
50. “It’s not easy to ‘Keep Coming Back’ to the principles of our program when the disease whispers in our ear that we’re hopeless. But the decision to ‘Keep coming Back’ has led me out of the despair and back into the light of recovery.
51. “Keep coming back – it works!”
52. Oh – I need this! Today’s In This Moment: “In This Moment, I remember that codependence sells, but I don’t have to buy.”
53. And in today’s Language of Letting Go, it says: “Letting Go of Fear of Abandonment
54. “’Where are you, God? Where did you go?’ So many people have gone away. We may have felt so alone so much. In the midst of our struggles and lessons, we may wonder if god has gone away too. There are wondrous days when we feel God’s protection and presence, leading and guiding each step and event.” I feel like I’m having that right now, and am very grateful for it.
55. And “There are gray, dry days of spirtual barrenness when we wonder if anything in our life is guided or planned. Wondering if God knows or cares.” Gray, dry days. I’m glad to be beginning to learn that they are just part of life. Not just part of life in a dysfunctional childhood, to go away when the Knight in Shining Armor comes, but just part of life. For every being. And that it’s okay.
56. And it says to: “Seek quiet times on the gray days. Force discipline and obedience until the answer comes, because it will.”
57. It says it will. It says it will.
58. And “’I have not gone away child. I am here, always.
59. “Rest in me, in confidence.
60. “All in your life is being guided and planned, each detail.
61. “I know, and I care.
62. “Things are being worked out as quickly as possible for your highest good.
63. “Trust and be grateful. I am right here. Soon you will see, and know.’”
64. And: “Today, I will remember that God has not abandoned me. I can trust that God is leading, guiding, directing, and planning in love each detail of my life.”
65. And right now I am not afraid of these days, as I have been. Because computer and piano help keep me sane and I can’t do, I have been afraid. But right now, reading that, I feel like, I can read a lot of my Codependent book,
66. my ACoA book,
67. my biography of Galina,
68. magazines…
69. make phone calls
70. walk to get a pedicure
71. walk, period
72. Read my daily readings but not write about them.
73. Not practice even l.h. piano
74. Not type at all
75. Watch tv
76. Eat the healthy, abstinent foods I’ve made
77. That I have gotten to put a couple of things on my blog today
78. That there’s a chance this shot will work and I won’t need the surgery.
79. That the house is in order for these days.
80. That I can drive myself home – I’ll just use left hand: )
81. That when I return to blog on Friday, I think I will not be all alone in cyberspace.
82. Oh – and I can meditate
83. And watch tv
84. And sleep (especially now that need to catch up on some: )
85. And maybe I’ll *read * or *recite * my gratitudes tomorrow and Thursday
86. I’m grateful that I don’t *think * this is a stress injury type thing that could keep me from computer/piano for a longer time
87. And that in about 2 ½ hours from now, I’ll be home, in the air conditioning, with ice (bag of rice: ) on my hand relaxing with tv.
88. I’ll be fine.
89. I am growing stronger!!!!!!!
90. And more independent!!!!!! Yay!!!!!!! I REALLY need this and want it.
91. And I’m even grateful that I need this and want it!
92. Ooh –I can even read my Bible! Yes: )
93. And maybe Ma and I an even walk together : )
94. And that even though I loved that meeting last night, I have decided I will not go back next week. It could make Ch uncomfortable to share, and it is his program. I don’t want to do ANYTHING to hurt someone’s program. Not a friend’s. Not anyone’s.
95. That I have teeth. I think I’ve always forgotten to say that one.
96. And a dentist.
97. And a toothbrush
98. And toothpaste
99. And a bathroom sink
100. And tub
101. And toilet
102. And friends.
103. And my mother.
104. And J in some ways
And again, hope.
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