I am grateful:
1. I am grateful that I did everything on my list yesterday
2. Oh boy wow. Today’s For Today: “The truth shall make you free: The Bible: John “do I call an addiction, ‘a little problem with . . . ‘ - a minor inconvenience on a par with measles? Addiction can kill me.”
3. “Perhaps fast, perhaps slowly, but either way the trip is hell.”
4. “I can hang onto old ideas: ‘This time I’ll do it,’ ‘It’ll be different,’ ‘I’ll stop for good.’ Old ideas shun words like fat, drunk, obese, compulsive overeater, alcoholic, addict in favor of gentler, easier words. Words do not change a meaning. I can call the sun and the moon by other words, but they are still what they are. An addiction is a fact like my height and coloring. In recognizing that truth, I am able to admit I am powerless over food, give up my will – and become free.”
5. “For today: It is not a disgrace or a weakness to admit my powerlessness over food. That is an idea that has nothing to do with the truth.”
6. Since I fit in here with the thoughts, I’m grateful to read it. Today’s Voices of Recovery: “Many of us thought about suicide. Some of us tried it.” OA 12 & 12 p. 11
7. And this: “I used to change my mind (a lot!) about what and how much I would eat. Clearly, if I were to try suicide and wound up dead, there would be no changing my mind!”
8. And “…Or I would quickly make promises, force myself to keep them, but hate ‘being used.’” I know that feeling and am glad to read others have had it too.
9. Today’s In This Moment: “In This Moment, I am no longer chained. … My family was driving me crazy with their demands. In CoDA, I learned about setting boundaries. I just said, ‘No.’” I used to be able to do that when I started at this job, years ago. A healthy boundary *is * somewhere inside me.
10. And it says, “When I take care of myself and do what makes me happy, my spirit and my life improve.”
11. And it says, “I no longer feel chained to my family. I am so grateful to CoDA meetings and the people there.” That’s hopeful.
12. Today’s Language of Letting Go: “sometimes, it gets worse when we begin recovery because we become even more aware of our reactions and our discomfort. That’s uncomfortable, but good. It is by beginning this process of awareness and acceptance that we change, grow, and heal.”
13. And “How we take care of ourselves is our issue.”
14. Wow. “Today, help me start practicing self-care. . . Help me know that I do not have to allow their issues to control my life, my day, or my feelings.”
15. I am grateful that reading growth things gives me comfort.
16. And that although I usually (and today did) feel like, “Oh shit; I have to water the plants,” I wind up feeling good or even great (today) doing it! I’m glad I have them.
17. Called Sponsor. Even though overslept and called late, Sp talked with me. And I’m grateful for the share. All of it helped me.
18. Sp said, about my REGRETS, which make the situation with J different from say, when my father died young and suddenly which was of course in no way my fault, said I got through the past as well as I could at that time (applies to when was little with mother as well as my time with J).
19. And that if I didn’t go through these things (my problems, how I acted with J…) I wouldn’t be going to that recovery store today, which is a good thing
20. And that now I would behave differently in the situation – now I am a different person –I only had those tools then. I have more tools now.
21. That I have to forgive myself for getting through
22. And I wouldn’t have survived if I didn’t do what I could to get through
23. And to forgive myself
24. And “Lynn is the mountain that you have to climb” (self)
25. And that it is easy to love others but so hard to love self- that is the nature of an addict
26. And if we didn’t have that, we wouldn’t be addicts
27. Sp. said is so clear and simple to self, BUT has been doing for many years
28. And that is says in the Bible that you have to trust what you don’t see – like in the Indiana Jones movie where goes through all those booby-traps and comes upon a gorge – no way across – so begins walking – and when walks bridge appears
29. Sp says, “I’m not gonna sit and cry – I did the best I could do yesterday – I will do better today”
30. “That’s what recovery is – that I can do better today. Living today better.”
31. Sp said that again had diarrhea this morning and was laying there saying why is this happening to me again - why me, God –and that people called – me late, and last night’s meeting woman to thank Sp, as well as sponsees, and now understands why – like – oh – I’m supposed to talk to _____
32. And says: “Whatever the pain is it’s part of life – makes no difference – whatever I have to go through
33. And “I have no right to be unhappy. So many people have been in so much worse than I.
34. Went to O’s while workers were working. That was nice. Talked to her mother on skype
35. Got the guy’s card. Good. Then throwing out because don’t like the work! Good also.
36. We went to the store with a lot of recovery stuff.
37. I felt peaceful in there
38. She drove (far) so I used my gift card and paid for her book and hope bracelet she wanted.
39. Got 2 books and 3 pamphlets for self. Good
40. Lunch out together – used my gift card again
41. Then she bought toy for my doggie
42. First time I had Malaysian food. It was very good.
43. Went back to her house and I got to read some of my new stuff while she straightened the workers’ mess and watered her flowers
44. I got to watch her play with her parrot – first time. Nice.
45. Then we went to a meeting. Great meeting.
46. This expression: “While I was being complacent, my disease was on the other side of the door doing push-ups.” That’s me. Great saying.
47. Didn’t pig out last night. Felt like but didn’t. So far all three times went to that program, didn’t binge after and next day easier too. Hmmmm.
48. Then went to nice healthy little supermarket type place with great prices and got fruit and whole wheat bread and rice and juice. Lucky.
49. I’m grateful for white cherries, some of which I can have today
50. And figs, two of which I had last night.
51. And that I think I can practice today (thumb)
52. And that I just had a satisfying, normal, nice, healthy breakfast. And coffee
53. And that the store didn’t have the magnet things I wanted to replace so I could return the ones K lent me, but they think they can order
54. And that I e-mailed them today.
55. And that I can afford vitamins
56. I watched House last night. And they thought Cuddy had metastasized cancer and was dying. And it made me think.
57. And for the first time in a LONG TIME, I felt like living. Like I realized how much worse I’d feel if I’d gotten a diagnosis like that.
58. And I actually enjoyed the show because they had some creative dream sequences. A little too trying-hard-to-appeal-to-audience so cheesy, but I enjoyed anyway.
59. That I’ve continued working on Step Eight even though it’s so hard for me.
60. That although 4 and 8 have been so hard, 1, 2, 3, 5, 6, and 7 haven’t. Well 2 a little but not like 4 and 8.
61. I’m grateful for my diamonds
62. And gold
63. And silver
64. And that probably this week I will finally get the grey colored out of my hair
65. And that I’m becoming determined to buy a few clothes at the latest in August or September
66. That I see the two things I did yesterday which were so co-dependent. I almost feel good about that, but I know that’s sick and at least I see it (J related)
67. That there’s hope that my doctor is right and not calling J for 3 months is smart. I’m scared but what I did before certainly didn’t work.
68. I’m grateful for the book The Secret.
69. And for all the people who understand it. Not the “I wanted to find new kitchen cabinets and I applied the law of attraction and there they were” people. But the true deep understanding.
70. And that maybe I’ve found it before it’s too late.
71. I believe that the law of attraction is at work in our lives whether we face it or not. And only if we face it can we guide it, so I’m glad to have been introduced to it.
72. I’m grateful for the number of books that I own.
73. And for my bathroom cabinet
74. And soap
75. And shampoo
76. And conditioner
77. And Clorox wipes
78. And the other cabinet in there
79. And the medicine chest
80. And itch cream so if I get a bite or something I don’t have to suffer
81. And my pharmacy
82. And towels
83. I’m grateful for my tv
84. And dvd player
85. And remotes
86. And couch
87. And table
88. And lamp
89. And lighting the electrician did
90. And shades
91. And bookshelves. All in the little den
92. And for my bed, even though it’s broken
93. And my pillows
94. And my dresser
95. And mirrors
96. And gorgeous shade in the bedroom
97. And teeny little closet but at least I have one
98. And hope (repeat so add at end). Blessed hope.
99. And shelf in closet
100. And shoe thing in closet
101. And other dresser for towels and stuff
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