My 100 Gratitudes Today

I am grateful: 1. God. 2. Hope. 3. Waking up this morning. 4. The thought that who knows what this day could bring? There could be joy in this day. 5. That I can MAKE some joy. 6. That in the BIG PICTURE, do I really have any problems? The thing with my mother and possible no inheritance at all because the social worker is lying to her to get her to receive help is driving me nuts, but should it be? I must stay calm, and do what I can. Like the OA “surrender” advice: Trust in God but buy broccoli. 7. I literally let the dishes pile up: ( But when I went to do, it was such a little thing. Took no time. All that delay and avoidance for nothing. Grateful for another lesson learned. 8. I realized yesterday while walking to pick up the kids from gym class, how lovely the feeling of moving my legs is. How fortunate I am to be able to move my legs and walk about the building. 9. When my first principal in this district wrote about me in a recommendation, “She walks about the building with a quiet sense of dignity.” How beautiful. I still love that. Always will. 10. That the building where I work is so pretty! Lots of glass. Mid-century modern. 11. And has a plant and flower-filled courtyard. I have never seen a school like this before. 12. Today’s In This Moment – the day before yesterday and yesterday were the first days in my adult life that I put my needs first in a healthy way! 13. I WILL find a new blog format that lets me label and categorize again, like all grats, all recipes, all journal entries… I hate that this one started mushing everything together and I WILL find one! 14. Today’s Language of Letting Go, first line: “Open ourselves to the love that is available to us.” What a huge concept. Huge. What if I – and you – REALLY opened ourselves to the love that is available to us. What a life! 15. That I am open to doing that. 16. That you never know. I am grateful for that. Like, I never would have known that I could enjoy kissing again. Less than a year ago, I actually believed I would never kiss again. And the very thought of it was vomitous. 17. And I certainly thought I would never be able to date again. Yet I am. 18. And so the thought comes that you never know how nice life could be 5 years from now… 19. And this day too. 20. And this line from Language of Letting Go today too: “We have paid our dues.” Yes. I remember my first job, relationships, giving, problems, . . I have paid my dues. And this: “Today, I will open myself to the love that is coming to me from the Universe. I will accept it and enjoy it when it comes.” Yes. Beautiful. Yes. 21. That I had coffee this morning. 22. And did my work emails. 23. And the dishes. 24. That each day really is a new beginning 25. That I have walked up and down indoor and outdoor stairs so much this morning! Literally worked up body heat. 26. Between the laundry and recycling trips, many times up and down. And I’m so grateful that I CAN walk up and down steps. Really. 27. I FINALLY(!) took out the recycling! Finally! It has been months! Clean store brown paper bags piled up inside each other in back of teeny efficiency kitchen and even a few in the cellar! And shoe boxes… FINALLY – there isn’t one in the house! I am SO glad about his. 28. AMAZING feeling –even though standing in dining room looking at kitchen I couldn’t see the bags, which were around the corner in the back, so I’m surprised! Just standing in the dining room feels so much – cleaner. Deep breaths coming! Wow. 29. Proud of self. May seem silly, but proud of self. 30. Grateful that have done so much this morning. Laundry, dishwasher load, all that recycling. 31. And that I am now sitting here enjoying a cup of decaf Earl Gray tea, plain and black. 32. And that I know I deserve it. (Although we do anyway, but I really feel it today). 33. Today’s Each Day a New Beginning – every word of it. Oh my gosh – so good. 34. I feel SO MUCH better now. 35. That DOING actually DOES feel better. 36. Knowing in this moment that what I missed out on learning or having (not talking materially) growing up, does not matter now. I have a NEW MOMENT EVERY MOMENT. Oh. What a deep breath just came. Wow. Tremendous. 37. That coffee does help my mood in the morning. 38. And this morning that helped get me going to do things. 39. That I do sleep at night. 40. I am okay. With all that is going on, I am okay. 41. I figured something out this morning too. By writing about it, in an email to J (who still does SO MUCH for my mother), I came up with a very possible solution! Maybe she CAN get help AND we can still have some little inheritance, which she wants so much for us to have, and worked SO HARD for! Phew. Maybe. Anyway, phew. 42. I had a healthy dinner last night. Lots of nutrients. 43. And delicious too. 44. And I made it myself. 45. This week, I am able to feel satisfied (food). Just before like really full, but satisfied and don’t want any more. That’s a miracle! 46. And am eating healthy things. And that’s no coincidence about feeling satisfied, right? 47. The Internet. That I have access to those daily readings on line. 48. And of course my print daily readings books too. 49. And email. Another advantage of the Internet. 50. My laptop. I am not the most technological person(!) but I AM so grateful for computers. 51. My Nook. 52. Good books. 53. I’m especially learning from The REALAGE Diet. 54. And putting things I’m learning into place right away! 55. This caring enough about health, nutrition and weight to really DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT, happily and in the moment in the day, is really a miracle. I am so grateful for it! 56. This line from Food for Thought today: “When we look back on former disappointments, we are often able to see that what we so desperately wanted at the time would not have been the best thing for us.” 57. I have serious doubts about a lot of what that entry says. I do not believe in a plan for all. But I like that line. 58. I just talked with M. It can be – feel, not be – a little overwhelming in the mornings because she is SUCH a fast talker and topic to topic… and a great listener when I’m in NEED but otherwise not so much due to her own current anxiety, but I love her. And it is nice to not be alone in the morning. 59. And nice for her too. 60. And I just walked through the kitchen to hang up the laundry and saw that 3 foot area of floor behind the cellar door, for the first time in MONTHS. 61. And I knelt at the window and WATCHED THEM. They TOOK the recycling! I don’t know fully yet why it’s such a big deal for me – do I have the right day for the right stuff, will they take it, will they reject my garbage…I know it’s sick but I’m not fully to the heart of it yet. But I am SO GRATEFUL that I brought it ALL down and they took it ALL. And there is not one paper bag in this house that shouldn’t be here. For the first time in many months! 62. And next week I shall take out the comingles. Yay. 63. Plus – and I’m sure this shouldn’t count, but in one small way it does – a small side-effect is that the next time L is here, neither of those recycling areas in my house will be full of stuff. Phew too. 64. I am bringing a healthy lunch today. 65. And I have plenty of healthy dinner foods too. 66. My doctor finally comes today! (Shrink). Yay! 67. This line from today’s Today’s Gift: “We always have room for more in our lives. When we are ready for it, what we need for growth will emerge.” 68. And that I first made a typo and put i instead of it. Which made it a great point too: “We always have room for more in our lives. When we are ready for I, what we need for growth will emerge.” Wow. Huge. 69. I am so grateful that I am healthy this day. So grateful. 70. And that I have the luxury, the luxury – of time. Time to do my spiritual work, for example. If I were working 14 hours a day in a factory, I wouldn’t have this time and energy to do it. 71. I am grateful that I can read. 72. As usually, I am so grateful for access to plenty of fresh, clean water. 73. This affirmation, which I found today: “I release the past and allow the joy to flow into my life. My future only reflects my past if i allow it to. I now choose to move past old limitations and negativity.” And it goes so well with what I was thinking just this morning. 74. That I have a car that runs. 75. And I like it too. (Pretty). 76. And it is comfortable for me 77. I have a party to go to this weekend! : ) 78. And the people like me 79. And I, them. 80. I am generous. 81. I am smart. 82. I am grateful for this blanket I have around me right now. 83. I am grateful that I can see. 84. I am grateful that I have heat. 85. And lights. 86. And for my kithen sink. 87. I am grateful that I found this little slippers. 88. I am grateful for wood. I love wook. 89. And gold 90. And diamonds. 91. And silver 92. And my little Buddha necklace. 93. And for meditation. (Want to do it more). 94. And for MY piano! 95. And that I can play. 96. And type. 97. I am grateful that little Ju has started to open up to me in a friendly way 98. And that I’ve found the strengthS in little M 99. And that little A and I have connected. 100. I am grateful that I even care about these things.