CoDA Work Today

I woke up and I feel:

Envious upset, regretful, sad, unhappy, desolate, ridiculous, frightened, abandoned, rejected, unstable, bewildered, dejected, deflated, defective, toppled, shaky, brittle, blue, alone, low, disturbed, dreadful, exposed, downcast
AND
Defeated
AND
Grateful, blessed, sacred, supported, optimistic, recharged, alive, inspired, exposed

I think it is because:
J didn't answer my e-mail sent days ago
I ate too much processed food yesterday
I'm freezing and don't know how to make the heat work - bleeding the things or something - I figured out one, but still no heat and maybe it's the furnace
I'm feeling vulnerable, exhausted, tired and depressed (some of these words are not choices in the boxed set I'm using to find the words)

Next time I will do differently:
Not eat the processed stuff!
Try harder to keep up around here
Pray for positivity

PM Work
1. Resentments - fear - thanking God for removing
2. How feel now - better or worse than before and can figure out?
3. Five good things about me and celebrate them

A resentment:
I resent that J didn't let me know how he was feeling. That he was so out of touch himself, that he couldn't let me know until it was so late. That he has through that caused me so much suffering.

I have fear because I want that life, not this one. And I don't know what the fuck is coming.

Thank you, Jesus, for removing these fears. I ask only for knowledge of Your will for me and the power to carry that out.

I feel:
good about myself for accomplishing
tired but in a good way
not hopeless
I think it is because: I ate well, I did some dishes and laundry, I saw a friend after work, and although I hate to admit it, partly because J was nice to me on the phone

5 good things about me:
1. I keep trying
2. I am funny. Everybody in person tells me that
3. I am not moody. I'm expressive and dramatic and respond to things deeply, but I don't like just wake up cranky or in a bad mood.
4. I am open-minded.
5. I am vegan. I don't hurt animals. As much as possible.
Wowie! Yay me!