Dear God

Dear God,

Thank you for JJ and EJ and Birdie.
I don't know where to turn.
What is wrong with me?
Is it grieving?
I have a shrink, I have a sponsor.
I am so so miserable.
I wake up every morning so sorry I woke up.
God, I won't hurt myself; I know you don't want me to.
But you can't mean for me to live like this. To feel like this. You can't.
I'm starting to lose my faith in you.
You let people live and be tortured in concentration camps. How can especially my Jewish friends believe in you.
Maybe you don't care. Maybe you don't bother to help. Maybe you're not there.

God, if you're there, I can't really take this pain much more. Show me. Help me. I'm begging you.