I Must Thank You, God

I really suffered this week, Father. But - I feel much better now. And I thank you and praise you.
I think you have helped me.
And you have also helped me to keep doing the next right thing, including visiting my mother, showering and putting on a little makeup and nice clothes etc. each day, doing my best for the children, doing the shopping, not eating junk food, walking to and in the park with doggie, etc.

There was a bit of relief last night. I didn't feel "up to" visiting my mom after school, but I did it.
I didn't feel "up to" meeting my CoDA sponsor who is my friend, to have dinner and do some work on step 2. But I did it.

Then this morning, I felt so down. And thought, even though J was bringing the dog and would see me, I would just stay in the disgusting sweatpants with stained, ill-fitting, ugly(!) sort or ripped summer shirt in which I slept last night, with my dirty hair clipped back, and just say I don't feel well.
But besides him seeing me that way, I knew if I stayed in that mode, I might well not come out of it for the whole 3 days.
So I just did one small thing. I loaded the dishwasher and started it.
That felt a little good so I cleaned the counters. That felt a little good so I took a shower. While I was in there, I shaved and I washed my hair. Then it was like, Well if I've gone this far, I might as well dry my hair. Well if I've gone this far, I might as well put on a little makeup. Well if I've gone this far, I might as well put on nice clothes and shoes.

So I took my mother to the bank and shopping, and felt better walking around that way than I would have the other way!

And then I saw J, and while he was here he fixed the toilet - thank you, J!
And I gave him coffee and we had a nice little friendly chat and that felt so good too. In person it's so different than where I let my mind take it from e-mail or phone...

And then, because doggie's here, I thought, Well I should change right now and get her to the park. And I did!
Which also meant *I* got a good walk!

And God, I think you were behind through every single one of these small steps.

And I spoke on the phone with M and St and MA.
And I have some plans for my weekend - but will not leave doggie alone a lot.

I love you and praise you, Father, and I thank you that I am able to take these steps today, and that although I have some anxiety and depression and fear, I also have some relief.

Thank you, and I'm so glad I didn't give up.

Amen.