I am so grateful!
1. That Reba McIntire video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=032FsMMKWqM
2. And that I shared it with Ka
3. And with P
4. And with L
5. And that a song like that can give me such chills
6. And her voice.
7. Water. Access to plenty of fresh, clean water
8. This morning’s coffee. Not too much.
9. Nana Mouskouri
10. And the night we met her
11. And I got to touch her. We touched hands warmly and looked into each other’s arms.
12. Very sweet words in e-mail from L. this morning.
13. Might see him this weekend. For a couple of hours. In public. The later 2 parts at my insistence. MUST maintain my independence. MUST NOT be too tempted by his amazing sexual presence to me. And MUST be prudent. Also, do NOT want a “boyfriend.” I’m just beginning to find myself! Do not, for example, want to be in London calling my “boyfriend” every night!
14. That I can hear. So I can hear beautiful music.
15. That I have been to irl Major League baseball games.
16. With J.
17. And he (reluctantly, because of money) bought me that expensive sweatshirt that time I was freezing in the rain at one.
18. That I will get through this Step. Eight. I will. I will.
19. Summer is coming. Well, in a few months lol.
20. And I can do whatever the – heck – I want.
21. I can travel (inexpensively)
22. Have sleepovers at Mer’s.
23. Swim daily.
24. Walk daily.
25. Read
26. Paint.
27. Play and practice piano.
28. Might even have some work days in rain forest! Oh my goodness that would be amazing!
29. Imagine the breathing there!
30. And I’d have so much to offer the district upon my return!
31. Laughter
32. Showers
33. Baths
34. Bubble baths. Such luxury.
35. I WILL get through this financial talk this am with J. I will.
36. And lawyer contacted me – I just saw it. She said not to worry – that this one conversation won’t make all the difference anyway.
37. And I honestly believe that from there, I will get a massage.
38. And then meet L. at a little museum.
39. And this evening watch my French movie! All by myself!
40. Ravel.
41. Am listening to a piece L. just sent me. A gorgeous piano concerto.
42. And he says he has made discs for me, from a site he pays for
43. And will give them to me today
44. England! I will be there within one the month! I, who have wanted to be there for 42 years, will be there within a month!
45. And will have done all by myself!
46. Band-aids
47. White blood cells
48. Hiv tests. I’ll not sleep with someone now until they’ve had (and I would have too, for them).
49. My legs that serve me so well.
50. My sweet student, D. Yesterday I was teasing them. We were rushed and I said, “Here, you don’t even have to come over to the rug. I’ll do it from here – I’ll serve you!” Giggles all around…Then when dismissing, little D. came up to me and said, “You said you would serve us. But in social studies, you said slavery is bad.” I STILL sometimes forget how literal they are – damn. And I said, “Oh, Sweetie, thank you for sharing that thought with me. You see, I am not a slave. I have taken a job to serve children – to serve you. I was free to take it. I even get paid for it. And I love it!” He smiled and said, “Oh! Okay. Thanks.”
51. Second graders don’t say, “Rabbits.” They say, “Bunnies”
52. Innocence. Every bit of it.
53. Me walking into the nurse’s office yesterday just as she was watching the Reba clip I’d sent her, with tears coming to her eyes! I had chills all over my arms, and she saw them. She said, about her first grandchild, due in less than 2 weeks, “Oh! I can’t WAIT to get my hands on that baby!”
54. Cups
55. Saucers
56. Mugs
57. Bees
58. Ants
59. Internet
60. E-mail
61. Treadmill
62. Balance exercise thingy
63. I can do virtually anything I want!
64. I can go to Russia
65. I can get pedicures
66. Or give self own
67. I can take bubble baths
68. I can decide to NEVER see a violent movie or show again!
69. I have a reprieve! J has agreed to come tomorrow.
70. And mother has agreed I can take her shopping then.
71. My breath is FINALLY – coming in all the way to my navel. Finally.
72. Ah, sweet fresh breath.
73. And sipping ginger peach tea.
74. And will see L. today.
75. I can go on a music-trip throughout Europe. (If I had the money. But money aside).
76. Or an *elegant * cruise.
77. I can wear my new coral shoes.
78. And not care AT ALL whether you-know-who, or ANYONE likes them.
79. I can speak and hear and read more and more French!
80. I can be a sweetheart to the children!
81. I can feel happiness!
82. I can feel joy!
83. I can spread joy!
84. I CAN face my responsibilities. 3rd load of laundry is in. Remember when I couldn’t even get downstairs to DO it last year?
85. And I WILL – sort of happily even – have that talk with J. tomorrow.
86. And take my mother shopping.
87. But first – I shall have an ENTIRE free day!!!!!!!!!
88. Going to go plan it now.
89. I am grateful for my quick typing.
90. And for every single person who has ever helped me.
91. Including the one who saved my life when I almost drowned.
92. And J, after my horrible life-changing injury.
93. And M, for having me sleep over on the two most depressing nights of my life.
94. And MA for “baby-sitting” me the evening J. left
95. And each of you, for being here so that I am not alone in cyber-space.
96. I am grateful that I feel so much more lighthearted now!
97. And for sitting on the beach and beading those times I’ve done that.
98. And for art.
99. And for music.
100. And that I shall be at a museum later this very day!
101. Every miracle in my life. Miracles in my life!
Thank you, God, for all these gifts!
God, I offer myself to Thee. To build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to them of Thy power, Thy love, and Thy way of life. May I do Thy will always. Amen.
5 good things about me:
I am a free summer-sprite in the summertime
I am a responsible professional during the work-year
I am sensuous
I am, gulp, even sexy.
I have nice felt.
CoDA
I feel:
FREE!! Unindentured for this one day!
Grateful for that!
Affirmations:
God did make me!
I am good enough!
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