Miss Anonymous!

Apparently I misunderstaood and therefore misspoke here. I'm sorry!

1. He did not AT ALL say *I * have to learn how to please him in bed! I didn’t even think he’d said that! *I’m * saying that. Which is also a problem, but less so than if he were saying and I were accepting that! : )
2. He has been ABUNDANTLY clear that HIS problem with getting and maintaining erections as much as he’d like has NOTHING to do with me and PREDATES me by far…
3. What had REALLY happened, was he was walking at the boardwalk with his best friend , and waxing poetic about me. He had even stopped to text me a picture, as he was thinking/talking about me the whole time. At one point, he said to her – now remember – she used to be his lover, like 17 years ago, and she knows this problem, I know that for sure – he said something like, “Lynn’s so sweet, she even feels she has one thing she wants to learn better, and that is how to please me still more in bed!” To which best friend replied whimsically, “All she has to do is this,” and rolled her eyes and stroked his arm – not like one would stroke a penis(!) but as a plain caress, as a sort of joke because L. adores being touched in any way at any time – craves it – and after a while in their relationship long ago, she felt it was overboard and it grew a bit tiresome for her. So she did an eye-rolling sort of little joke.
4. That was IT.
5. *I * took it, nervous and my way to hang up to go take my mother to dinner, which made me very nervous – all wrong!!
6. *I * heard it AS IF he’d meant something like this – WHICH HE DID NOT! AND DID NOT SAY AT ALL!:
“Since you are as yet unable to please me in bed, I asked my former lover and current best friend if she could advise you. She, of course, WAS able to please me and I knew you wanted the help.” This was NOTHING like what had occurred or what he’d said on the phone to me. So my reaction was ALL ME. And pointed out some REAL problems of mine. The heart of my problems: fear of rejection and abandonment (child of schizophrenic mother, remember).
7. Even after my inappropriate reaction, he sent me sweet texts during my dinner with my mom, and called me later that evening and apologized to ME, saying something like this: “I want to apologize to you. I never meant to hurt you. I was talking so much about all that I adore about you. And at one point I even said, “She’s so lovely, she even wants to learn how *she * can “better please *me * in bed!” She’s so sweet. I said this to a dear trusted friend, as a way to show how sweet you are. She knows it is a problem *I * have. I was very confused at your reaction. But over the hours I have come to understand it. I was indiscreet in bringing up anything private about us. And I’m sorry. I’ll be much more careful in the future. I’m so sorry I hurt you. You have my word I never meant to. I’ve always just been such an open book with J and S, particularly through my search for someone – for you.
8. And I accepted, and then I said something like this: “But *I * am the one that is sorry. I reacted badly. I have to look inside myself to see what caused me to hear this so badly, so wrongly. Jealousy? Fear? Insecurity? Nervousness? Need to finally be fully truthful with my mother so spending time with her does not cost me so much emotionally? I will pinpoint it and work on it. No, gentle it until it tiptoes quietly away.
9. Then we talked for a *while, * him explaining his desire for me and that he is beyond happy with me in every way, including bed, that he adores his time with me there and that *he * gets so disappointed in his “little guy” for not always cooperating, but he will find a way to be able to be more full with me for me and for us… It was personal, it was difficult, it was warm, it was beautiful, this share.
10. And this weekend, he did find a way. And I think we will find the next way – and be able to go further still (intercourse) next time. And every so often.

***THANK YOU SO MUCH – SO MUCH – SO VERY MUCH – FOR YOUR CARE!
I’m sorry I went crazy and misspoke.
I am not being defensive of him here.
It’s just that it really was my issue.

I love you.
XO