Grats

I am grateful:

1. That I got the garbage out.
2. That L and I were able to openly discuss those – things
3. I will spend the night there this weekend
4. I cleaned the spilled water from the floor
5. I am well-liked at work
6. I am respected, also
7. I’m grateful for that time with L in my arms, sharing his hundred gratitudes. So grateful for that
8. And for the father kvelling over his son’s story writing yesterday morning.
9. Little L, my student, precious heart, who just stood up out of the blue, walked about 6 feet over to me, and said, “I love you, Mrs. _____.” In the middle of the day yesterday.
10. And I said, “I love you too, L.”
11. And we hugged. What a sweet and lucky moment for me.
12. Then, in typical 2nd-grader fashion, he added, having only ever HAD 3 teachers in this school, “You’re one of my two favorite teachers!” SO cute!
13. EJ
14. Julie
15. JJ
16. Birdie
17. L
18. Our great talk last night.
19. His cherishing of me
20. That although I’ve been up since 1:30 am, I do feel okay
21. Less than 2 weeks til London!
22. My OA sponsor
23. How happy my precious students have been lately
24. That I am finding my way to make them giggle and feel special and feel like they’re getting special little favors and things
25. The faculty room. I never used to use it. And now I do. And it’s fun.
26. Same with mailboxes. I know, it sounds ridiculous. But I used to be so shy. And the former principal, although in a way I loved her, was so intimidating to all of us and particularly to my shyness, that I avoided that area like the plague. Now I go there freely, with confidence.
27. That I smile so much at work.
28. That I HAVE work. For support, of course.
29. But also for my emotional health!
30. That what I used to think of as “the bad place,” because it kept me from J (!), I now realize is a safe place. Oh joy.
31. Emergency-C
32. Coffee
33. Hot tea
34. Fresh, clean water to drink.
35. That I can do laundry right here in my house.
36. That L. appreciates me so.
37. Have I already shared this? I don’t know. But I am so so so grateful for it. In back of car, other couple in front. They in their discussion and L and I in ours. Happy moments.
38. Then when L was chatting with one or both in front, I kicked off my shoes and started to lean back and put my legs over his. And said, “Do you mind if I do this?” And that felt good.
39. And he ignored! Was so focused on what they were saying. So I repeated, “Do you mind?” And he sort of shirked it off – was very laser-beamed in with the conversation – and sort of waved a hand and mumbled, “No.” Fine. But THEN – a moment later, he glanced down and saw my black-lace-stockinged feet on his lap and gasped a little. And said, “Oh! How sexy!”
40. And kneaded and massaged my feet for the rest of the trip! (30 minutes?)
41. And he and I were humming sitcom themes from our childhood and guessing which and the words. It was such fun.
42. And then the other couple joined in. Such fun.
43. And there I – phobic to step into an elevator a few months ago, afraid of tunnels for YEARS – was, *giddy * and *gleeful * - in the TUNNEL! The tunnel didn’t faze me. I was too filled with happiness.
44. And I told my dr.
45. And first he seemed to almost ignore it. I mean, he had sort of a wistful smile on his face about he romantic stuff, but NO REACTION TO THE TUNNEL NEWS? Then I said, “Did you hear me, that this was in a TUNNEL?” And he said, “But you didn’t know you were in the tunnel, right?” And I said, “Wrong! I DID know! The whole time! And I was giddy and gleeful! In a TUNNEL!”
46. And he picked up his pen and wrote! : )
47. And maybe this erection business WILL wind up okay?
48. Hope. Hope, always hope.
49. Just put in a load of laundry. Had trouble! It wouldn’t go on. First, I worried. Then, I thought, “Power – trace electric cord.” But only for a moment. Then I thought, “I must call J! What time do I have to wait until, before I call?” (Because still middle of night here). Then I thought of M, and could I use her washer later, and O, and how she goes to Laundromat – no help there – and then – then – I thought, “Wait a minute! Don’t panic. TRY something.” So I went and got the big flashlight, which I do keep handy, and made my away across the ickidy cellar to the circuit breaker box. In MY house, that *I * pay for! And turned each one off, then on. Then went back. Still wouldn’t turn on. Then I thought, “Trace the power cord carefully now, with the flashlight. And nothing to panic about. Worse comes to worse, you’ll go to a Laundromat this evening… And I carefully traced it. And there it was – the cord wasn’t plugged in, far away, up by “ceiling” where it should be! Plugged it in, turned on washer, and all is well!
50. And now, since then, I have talked with M for like an hour and a half on the phone! Two closest friends – heart-sisters. Each fully sharing. Each fully listening. Each fully loving. Isn’t love wonderful? All kinds of love.
51. Ka, my Reiki teacher, my friend. I love her too.
52. Morning sweet e-mails with L.
53. My drive to work. It’s a nice drive.
54. Will take mother for her milkshake and hamburger later.
55. Maybe can arrange quick pedicure first. Needed!:)
56. I am grateful for kisses.
57. And for the hope of lovemaking with L.
58. And that he’s going for the hiv test today. Because I won’t do it without it.
59. L said he will get the hiv test. Make appointment today.
60. That felt good to me. Then, I told Mer, and she said that was sweet.
61. I *am * stronger than I thought! (Right?)
62. I have experienced stomach hunger a FEW times lately! Great! I am letting myself eat as a response to stomach hunger! Yay!
63. French lesson Monday.
64. Can do some of the homework this weekend?
65. J. swears we’ll be fair to each other. (We’ll see).
66. Have cried this morning. But guess needed to…
67. Have also played a little sweet piano, no music. Needed to.
68. Romance.
69. Being treated like a lady.
70. Being cherished. And being told I am.
71. Being given helpful directions by my therapist as to how not to lose myself into L.
72. Following them, the best I can.
73. A potentially not-too-hard day at work today.
74. My hair
75. My teeth
76. My eyes
77. I will be with Thich Nhat Hahn soon!
78. Oh my gosh, his monks and nuns will probably sing!
79. Phone
80. Cell phone
81. House charger
82. Car charger
83. Lentils and whole grain rice for breakfast
84. And hot coffee
85. Will have lunch from store by school, and free because have gift certificate
86. L said he’s getting massage today. I hope that’s true (for him)
87. I’ll figure out a dinner for tonight
88. Eyesight
89. Hearing
90. Reading Helen Keller to the kids
91. Helping M yesterday with her class
92. My principal
93. Smiles
94. Typing
95. That I have a home. Right now I have a home
96. The times I’ve been driven places
97. The times I’ve been taken to buy craft stuff, by J
98. Doggie, although I miss her terribly, is probably quite happy where she is
99. My hands
100. Sending L good healing energy last night