Readings

For Today:

"We feel and weight soon enough what we suffer from others; but how much others suffer from us, of this we take no heed." Thomas a Kempis

"Do I have two sets of rules: one for me, another for you? A double standard allows me to rationalize and excuse my behavior. Other people's rules - well, they ought to know better. People know how sensitive i am, how hurt I'll be.
when i sue others to vent my misery, I am acting in the same sick way i did when I was practicing my compulsion. Those who love me unconditionally will forgive me, but i do myself no favors by whitewashing the matter and letting the real problem go unattended. The outlook for recovery begin to brighten when i can say, 'If I make allowances for myself, i will also make allowances for you.' With progress toward sanity and balance, each of us can treat the other as we want to be treated.

For today: When i start to rationalize some shady behavior, I ask myself, 'If someone else did this, would I make the same excuse?'"

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Voices of Recovery

"Black-and-white thinking was one way i made my life unmanageable. Seeing the world in extremes kept me from people and from myself. Most of all, it kept me from having an intimate relationship with my Higher Power." Abstinence, p. 106

"I have spent most of my life looking at myself and everyone else with a black-or-white check list. I allowed no gray areas, especially for myself. My greatest fear was that others would see my large black list and realize what failure I was. This kept me from being close to others. I went out of my way to be friendly but ran from attachment and closeness because I feared the rejection that would surely follow.
In OA, I realize that i am not the only one who is imperfect. O members, friends outside OA, and God - especially God - accept me as I am. In God, I have a loving and forgiving teacher who also guides me to the better way.
This has led me out of the black hole of fear and toward the bright white light. Thank you, OA!

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In This Moment:

"In This Moment, I set boundaries.

I never knew about boundaries until I came into recovery. I had none, but I wanted some. The other day, one of my friends wanted to gossip about someone else's problems. I told her, 'That's really none of my business' and changed the subject. Last week, my mother asked me to arrange a dinner for my ex and our two grown sons. I told her, 'If they want to do it, they can arrange it for themselves.' I set boundaries and stuck to them. What growth!"

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The Language of Letting Go

"After-Burn

'How could I do it? How could I say it? Even though i meant it, I still feel ashamed, guilty, and afraid.'
This is common reaction to new, exciting recovery behaviors. Anything to do with owning our power and taking care of ourselves can trigger feelings of shame, guilt, and fear.
We do not have to allow these feelings to control us. They're a backlash. they're after-burn. Let them burn out.
When we start confronting and attacking feelings and messages, we will experience some after-burn. The after-burn is what we allowed to control us all our life - shame and guilt.
Many of us grew up with shame-based messages that it wasn't okay to take care of ourselves, be honest, be direct, and own our power with people. many of us grew up with messages that it wasn't okay to be who we were and resolve problems in relationships. Many of us grew up with the message that what we want and need isn't okay.
let it all burn off. We don't have to take after-burn so seriously. We don't let the after-burn convince us that we are wrong and don't have a right to take care of ourselves and set boundaries.
Do we really have the right to take care of ourselves? Do we really have the right to set boundaries? Do we really have the right to be direct and say what we need to say?
You bet we do.

Today, I will let any after-burn which sets in after I practice a new recovery behavior, burn off. I will not take it so seriously. God, help me let go of my shame and needless fears about what will happen to me if I really start caring for and loving myself."

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