Grats

I am grateful:

1. Mother
2. J in some ways
3. L
4. M
5. MA
6. ML
7. Ma
8. Mar
9. St
10. O
11. K
12. Mt
13. Tr
14. Jo
15. B
16. Ph
17. Li
18. Sh
19. A
20. N
21. Jd
22. JJ
23. Ej
24. Birdie
25. You, if you’re reading this
26. OA Sponsor
27. CoDA Sponsor
28. This sick day I am allowed to take, when I am SO sick
29. St driving me home yesterday
30. Heat. As I virtually never do, I turned it up a little higher last night.
31. And might right now as well
32. My piano. My particular piano.
33. Just contacted lawyer. Gulp.
34. Don’t care about “losing” J. Just want to protect my future, which is not secure financially to begin with!
35. Grateful for all these things. Plus, fresh water.
36. And tea. Am about to make some.
37. And headache not QUITE as bad right now.
38. And am about to make some spinach.
39. Fresh fruit
40. Dr. coming today.
41. Love of all kinds.
42. L’s kisses
43. And his sweet, gentle, romantic e-mails today.
44. And this poem he wrote to me. Which I have his permission to post here:
Lynn,
My senses are on call for you.
Yearning to know the smell, the taste
Of this succulent desert flower, blossoming anew
But alas, whose petals I do not see...
For I am blinded, partly by my bottomless thirst,
partly by your inexhaustible passion.
L.
45. That he makes me swoon.
46. My French lessons! If I am well enough later, I am going to do some French work!
47. Having red chai tea
48. Have contacted lawyer.
49. Maybe, maybe, there is hope.
50. Have also contacted phone call therapist. For 20 minute appointment
51. Then will still have a 30 minute one later
52. Museums
53. Bookstores
54. Libraries
55. The film, Les Choristes
56. Which M bought for me
57. And I think it has come
58. And I might get to watch it later today
59. I think, having been so sick and still am though already less-so, that, I am even further into wanting fewer overly-processed foods! Yay!
60. Intellect
61. Intellectual conversations
62. And sitcoms too
63. And diversity
64. I *might * take a course about human rights. I might not. As it will deal with the Holocaust, American slavery, worldwide genocide, and more. Might be *too much * for me to handle at this time.
65. I have written to ask if it will be given again next year, just in case.
66. I am feeling lately, and more and more, a pull toward something: Reiki, or helping animals (or giving Reiki to animals) or human rights, or vegan-related something, as possible later career or part-time something, . . . volunteer work, . . . after retire in about 9 years.
67. Spoke with lawyer. Afraid to put details here. E-mail if would like them. Grateful spoke.
68. Repeat: I do NOT want to HURT J! But I do NOT want him screwing me financially either! And I’m grateful on both counts.
69. Humor
70. L. keeping in touch so often (by e-mail) today, as I am sick PLUS had lawyer talk. Sweet man.
71. My passport just came!
72. And I am drinking black cherry tea.
73. And have had a bubble bath.
74. And two really nice e-mails from friends
75. I am grateful for Desiderata.
76. And for hot liquids.
77. And Mendelssohn
78. It’s Wed. now. I’m grateful I’m feeling better. Though still not *all * better: ( But grateful.
79. And that I was able to slow it down with L, and explain it to him.
80. That also (mainly in fact) meant I was able to put *my * needs first. Because as adorable as he is, I could lose myself. And I’ve just begun to find myself! My independence is too important.
81. And he heard me. (Mostly).
82. A great great session with my therapist yesterday.
83. AND the phone one too.
84. Both helped so much with this.
85. And – it’s not a REAL problem, anyway.
86. So so grateful for my Buddhism.
87. And the magical sort of feeling I have in my hands. I am able to access so much through them.
88. And the breathing game with the children (meditation).
89. And that soon I’ll be going to England!! By myself!!
90. Slippers
91. This blanket
92. My sobakowa pillow
93. Sleep last night. More than the last few, anyway.
94. A roof over my head. Really.
95. Prayer first thing this morning.
96. Going to read aloud the Five Mindfulness Trainings with another, very soon!
97. Upcoming lunch with my former tai chi teacher, who introduced me to the practice (Buddhism and meditation).
98. And it will be a re-meeting of old friends
99. But also, a professional lunch – how to better help children! Yay.
100. People noticing my ongoing weight loss.