Readings

For Today:

"We don't love qualities, we love persons, sometimes by reason of their defects as well as of their qualities." Jacques maritain

"To love the whole person is not the same as thinking, 'So-and-So is fine, but . . .' I may sometimes wish friends could be free of certain shortcomings for their own sake, but it is those very defects, mixed in with their fine qualities, that make up the total personality of those who are dear to me.
Do I really accept people's defects or do I secretly demand perfection, going from person to person in a futile search for the ideal friend? This is a question i must consider carefully, for the answer shows not merely how I feel about others, but how far i have progressed toward self-acceptance.

For today: Recognizing that I still have a tendency to expect perfection in myself and others is a good beginning in letting such expectations go."

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Voices of Recovery

"We have eaten food that was frozen, burnt, stale, or even dangerously spoiled. We have eaten food off other people's plates, off the floor, off the ground. We have dug food out of the garbage and eaten it." OA 12 & 12 p. 9

"The first time I read this passage I thought I had stumbled into some secret organization where someone was following me with a video camera. I thought back to the times I had hacked with a fork at some frozen dessert I had been saving for company. I thought about how my family nickname was 'old garbage can' because I would finish whatever food anyone left on a plate. I had brushed the dog hair off fallen snacks (a little dirt won't hurt you) and poured dishwashing liquid on food in the garbage so i wouldn't fish it out. Suddenly I realized that my behaviors were common enough to appear in a book. I looked around the meeting and and saw the faces of people with MY problem, and it was their problem, too. for the first time, I could read the rest of the wonderful book adn see myself in the answer instead of only in the problem.

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In This Moment

What? Okay. Saw first sentence. But here we go anyway:

"In This moment, I'm a happy codependent.

Despite being codependent, I'm happy within my own skin. I have friends in the Fellowship who have a great sense of humor and positive outlook on life. They get it. I think that's because they are able to let go and let God. They're good role models for me. I want to see the glass half full. I want to get rid of fear. i work my program, do service, sponsor, and have a sponsor. I m happy because CoDA gives me so much."

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The Language of Letting Go

"Flack from Setting Boundaries

We need to know how far we'll go, and how far we'll allow others to go with us. once we understand this, we can go anywhere." Beyond Codependency

"When we own our power to take care of ourselves - set a boundary, say no, change an old pattern - we may get flack from some people. That's okay. We don't have to let their reactions control us, stop us, or influence our decision to take care of ourselves.
We don't have to control their reactions to our process of self-care. That is not our responsibility. We don't have to expect them not to react either.
People will react when we do things differently or take assertive action to nurture ourselves, particularly if our decision in some way affects them. Let them have their feelings. Let them have their reactions. But continue on your course anyway.
If people are used to us behaving in a certain way, they'll attempt to convince us to stay that way to avoid changing the system. If people are used to us saying yes all the time, they may start mumbling and murmuring when we say no. If people are used to us taking care of their responsibilities, feelings, and problems, they may give us some flack when we stop. That's normal. We can learn to live with a little flack in the name of healthy self-care. Not abuse, mind you. flack.
If people are used to controlling us through guilt, bulling and badgering, they may intensify their efforts when we change and refuse to be controlled. That's okay. That's flack too.

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