Grats

I am grateful:
Hard, but I am

1. Finally, a morning without tv! Yesterday!
2. Classical music station
3. CDs – classical – burned for me by L.
4. Hearing the birds outside Wed. am!
5. Now it’s Thursday. I don’t feel so fucking grateful, on account of my talk with therapist yesterday about some stuff that happened and didn’t happen with L. last weekend in bed, and my subsequent discussion with L. (initiated by him, on the phone), about what it turns out are erection problems. But I know I have bazillions of things to be grateful for, so with heavy heart, I shall continue. I am very grateful that I saw Jupiter and Venus, so close and so bright last night.
6. And I told some neighbors passing by, “Look up! Look up!”
7. And in each case, they’d look at me like, “Uh oh, crazy lady.” But then I’d say, “Look – it’s Jupiter and Venus!” And then they’d look up.
8. And in each case they enjoyed
9. And were so thankful to me
10. And then some really cool teenage boys, with the attendant ball and the language, came along. And I said, “Guys! Look up! Look up!” Got the, “Crazy lady,” look, and I said, “It’s Jupiter and Venus!” and they looked up.
11. And they – these supposedly so rough and tough and cool male teens – were awe-struck!
12. And they were looking and looking.
13. And walking closer to a better view (in terms of trees).
14. And taking pictures with their cell phones.
15. Then they were thanking me!
16. Then as the group walked on, 2 or 3 walked back to look more.
17. And to snap more pictures. This was a majorly cool experience in my life.
18. And all the while, I was on the phone with L.
19. Last weekend, in the sleepy morning, in each other’s arms on his sofa, he started sharing gratitudes. Because he was interested in my practice, and wanted to see how many he could get. I’m not sure if I’ve shared this before, but I am so grateful for it today, and want to express that gratitude here.
20. He wanted to see how many he could get, so I said I would count. And I’m grateful I said that.
21. And that he was so gratified that I would do that for him!
22. And before each one, he was really thinking, and would say, “I’m grateful that,” or, “I’m grateful for,” and I loved that. It was SO sweet.
23. And at about 21, he was slowing down, and I said, “You’re doing great!”
24. And that re-sparked him.
25. And he kept going.
26. And at about 52, I though, “My God, he’s more than halfway there. And he thought he’d only get 10!”
27. And I said, “Wow. You’re doing great!”
28. And a couple of times he said something like, “Oh, I shouldn’t say this but,” and I said, “This is sacred. You can do nothing wrong. If you are grateful, you say it. No criticisms.”
29. And he continued!
30. And at about 80, I thought, “Oh my God, he’s going to get to it. I’m so happy for him.”
31. And I could TELL how powerful this experience was for him.
32. And at one point, I said, “Would you like me to tell you when you get to a hundred, or would you like just to keep going as long as you can?”
33. “No, no! Tell me! Tell me! I want to know!”
34. So I said, “Okay then, keep going. You’re doing great.”
35. And he did one more.
36. And I said, “One hundred.”
37. And he was like – blissful.
38. And we were in each other’s arms through this whole thing.
39. And then we hugged and kissed. And smiled. And hugged. And kissed. And smiled.
40. This was actually a highlight of my life. And I’m so glad I had it.
41. And I’m grateful that I told him so.
42. Countries at peace.
43. Humor.
44. M’s love for me.
45. The amazing suitcase she bought me.
46. And it’s Anne Klein!
47. And I’m glad she got it for 2/3 off the price!
48. And it’s beautiful!
49. And has compartment for delicates!
50. And for cosmetics!
51. And place to hang things to avoid wrinkles. (Am I repeating? Been up for over 3 hours, busy, rushed, and stressed about the problem).
52. And NO LEATHER
53. And NO SUEDE
54. And NO ANIMAL PARTS AT ALL!
55. And I’m not even putting it away until after I get back.
56. It is sitting like a beautiful sculpture in my living room.
57. Soon L. will visit me here.
58. But this weekend, I will go out there.
59. And still take my mother shopping
60. And to the bank
61. A very useful therapist appointment yesterday
62. And long, honest talk with L. last night.
63. MA’s friendship
64. And S’s
65. And that I’ve gotten support from Ma for MA
66. And from J for MA
67. And from S for MA
68. Life
69. Breath
70. God
71. Buddha
72. Access to plenty of fresh, clean water
73. Thich Nhat Hahn!
74. I’ll be with him soon!
75. London awaits me!
76. My French lessons!
77. My piano!
78. My piano lessons!
79. Enough money to do these things (for now, and please God, longer)
80. A great lawyer
81. And that maybe won’t be needed! (Please, J., be fair!)
82. My job
83. My house
84. My car
85. E-mail
86. TEXTING!
87. My new, and first, SMARTPhone, my iPhone
88. O
89. Good conferences so far
90. Only a few more
91. Weekend soon
92. Plenty of good foods
93. More salads lately
94. Poppy seeds
95. That I don’t do drugs
96. Nice wine. And that a little wine sometimes, is not a problem at all for me
97. Garbage out later for pick-up tomorrow!
98. Good doctors
99. That I didn’t kill myself
100. That I have had so many happy moments since then.
101. Especially lately.