My 100 Gratitudes Today

I am grateful:

1. That I didn’t jump off that terrace.
2. That I didn’t take those pills.
3. That I didn’t lie down behind that car, backing up, in the snow.
4. That I am grateful I didn’t.
5. That I have done all this spiritual work.
6. That I spoke honestly with my sponsor this morning, about how lazy I’ve been getting with it lately.
7. That I faced that with myself too.
8. That sponsor helped me so much.
9. I know that I *must * keep up this work.
10. And I’m grateful, as it IS something I MUST do, that it is actually pleasant to do anyway.
11. And that I’m recommitted to it.
12. That, as one of the interferences has been my beloved friend M, and her morning phone calls, which I do love + want to help her(!), so I’m grateful that I discussed that with sponsor too.
13. And that sponsor said that service is the heart of our recovery. To NOT stop that. Just helped me think about finding another time to do the spiritual work (the kind that *isn’t * service). Good.
14. And, gulp, sponsor said must put off the love. (I’m in love with L. I am). NOOOOOOO! We talked. And talked. I fought this one – a lot. Was crazy enough to be willing to give up program to keep L. BUT AM AWARE THAT IS C-R-A-Z-Y!!!! And grateful that I am.
15. CoDA, well that meeting has been stopped. But I now just call it “feelings work” and still do that stuff, I think. Or I’ll concentrate more on the other. Probably still both. They work for me.
16. I am grateful to remember that this combination works for me.
17. And to know that without keeping self in fit spiritual condition, I am doomed. Truly doomed.
18. So will keep spiritually fit. Even though all I WANT to do is be with L (sigh).
19. But I am grateful to have just thought of this specifically, too: If I lose or stop improving (stagnate) my spiritual fitness, I will not be able to have ANY healthy relationship, including with L.
20. And so, my sponsor finally did say – you are able to be in love, when it DOES NOT INTERFERE with your keeping spiritually fit.
21. So we shall see.
22. I am grateful that I bought that expensive card and picked it carefully. And wrote the two sentences that I wrote.
23. I’m grateful that it got to him so quickly! (one day!)
24. And that he LOVED it. It was a bird. Beautiful. Sparkly but NOT glitter (hence the expense: ) But I KNEW he would love it.
25. And he did.
26. And he loved loved loved the two sentences I wrote.
27. And I know they were mushy but appropriate.
28. Today the team will write up our proposal for our summer grant work.
29. I think we will get the money.
30. Plus it shouldn’t be too unpleasant to do.
31. Plus the kids will DEFINITELY benefit from it next year (and after) : )
32. It is warm in here right now, but with a little cool air coming in from outside.
33. I will see the doctor tomorrow about this horrible cough.
34. She will help me. (She HAS TO! I’M GOING TO LONDON NEXT THURSDAY!)
35. *I’m going to London next Thursday! *
36. And I shall be with Thich Nhat Hahn!
37. And after those 4 days, I shall tour around a bit on my own.
38. And I shall be fed veganly for he four days of the TNH course (it is included in the price).
39. And then I shall find inexpensive, yummy, vegan, Indian food to eat.
40. And it will nourish me.
41. And I will enjoy it.
42. And I won’t need to buy anything in London.
43. And for the first 4 days I will call NO ONE!
44. Then, I think I’ll surprise L. with a call on day 5. Or, maybe not at all.
45. And I WILL sleep at night! (Right?)
46. That I had healthy whole grain bread and organic crunchy p. b. this morning.
47. And after a like 2-month “plateau,” I have finally lost another 7 pounds.
48. And I’m eating fruits.
49. And veggies.
50. And whole grains like Ezekial bread
51. Barley
52. Bulgur – which I really love
53. Bran cereals
54. Brown rice
55. Whole-grain whet bread
56. Mixed grains greads
57. Corn cereals (that don’t need hfcs!)
58. And I am able to make these choices. Very fortunate indeed. And very grateful.
59. Jacquie Lawson Animated e-card site
60. There has been no gossip around here about my divorce! It’s almost unbelievable. I am so grateful for this caliber of people. That they are not gossiping about it.
61. My iPhone. I love it!
62. That I can have that kind of luxury.
63. That I am healing. Healing. I am healing! (Divorce-wise).
64. I expect a good weekend this weekend. I remember so vividly when I expected nothing good ever again. Thank you, God, for this amazing change.
65. L. I can’t imagine a more wonderful or more welcome surprise in my life. It’s like I’ve been better. Okay. Happy even. But now, I’ve been eased into a soft-as-a-cloud elevator, and gently lifted into paradise. SO grateful.
66. And that I was better FIRST! BEFORE this! So that my whole life is NOT dependent on L! And I must hold onto that!
67. And I will! And now it’s 3/22
68. Tomorrow, I get to go to a class rather than teach one.
69. And to do some MUCH NEEDED things around here.
70. And Sat. I see my L.
71. And his family!
72. And I stay over
73. And I had a lovely visit with a female after school yesterday. Very helpful. Not at liberty to say more here now.
74. I am free. I will soon be free even of ties with J.
75. ***I will never ever be an “indentured servant * again!
76. I will never have an emotional abuser in my home again.
77. Or a physical one.
78. Or an addict.
79. Or a cheater.
80. Or a tricker.
81. Or a stealer.
82. I will be in London Thursday evening!
83. M. has given me a bracelet with beads and some kind of Asian writing I’m sorry I don’t know which kind and a lotus
84. Yesterday, I was perspiring all day. And lots of body things happening when I got home at long last. And what it felt like – was like when you have a high fever and then it reaches the point where for a day you sweat and sweat and toss and turn and then – poof – it’s gone. It’s like you’ve sweated it out.
85. ***That’s what I feel I’ve done with the J. situation! I’ve sweated it out!
86. I’ll do what I can for financial fairness.
87. And then I’ll move on.
88. On. And up. And away. And up some more. I think I have really had a body-releasing sweaty breakthrough! Oh thank you, God! And friends. Including you.
89. The visit I had yesterday, was with a friend who has a beautiful and very happy family and some money and a happy life and a beautiful smile. And I’m so grateful that she does have all this.
90. And I’m grateful that I can be grateful for it on her behalf.
91. I will plant flowers soon! Or pay someone to. Either way lol.
92. And make sure the outside is cleaned up.
93. My hfs. I’m so grateful for my hfs.
94. And stomach hunger. Which I’ve been allowing myself to follow of late! : )
95. I have a life now! I have a life now! Thank you, God!
96. That L and I were able to help Jo last night, when she was stuck alone in her car in a dark, chilly, and foggy parking lot when her car wouldn’t start.
97. We kept her company on a 3-way phone call for the hour until they came. I’m so glad. Because I could hear the stress in my new friend’s voice.
98. That I am a compassionate person.
99. That I love L.
100. M and her girls.