I will quite blatant about it here.
L has some erection problems.
Damn. Fuck.
I am dying to make love with this man.
We have had some sexual activity. (My lawyer says it is fine divorce-agreement wise).
Our sexual activity has been blissful for me. I feel like I'm with a *man.* Not a boy, not a Peter Pan. A luscious man.
I could so fall in love with him.
He is so very tender with me. I trust him. I feel - and I am - safe with him. He is brilliant. I'm not just waxing poetic. I've never known anyone with this caliber of a brain. Strong in both left-brain and right! Physics, mathematics, art, music, languages, emotional intelligence, quick-thinker, vocabulary. His brain-power actually turns me on.
He is funny as funny can be, and leaves me in stitches with clever, and sometimes purposefully absurd humor! I love this!
He listens, and hears with understanding.
He is very cute and has a wonderful body. And pictures of him younger - he looks like a leading man movie star!
We have spoken and written wondrous sexual things.
And it fucking turns out he has fucking erection problems. Fucking damn it! Damn damn damn! I am SO fucking upset about this!!!!!
I FINALLY meet a man with whom I could make love. Not be used, not have childish bullshit sex, not be fucked like a masturbation receptacle,
and he maybe can't even do it! Or maybe only sometimes.
Fuck fuck fuck!
I am truly sorry for my language, but I am beyond frustrated! I am FURIOUS! With whom irl can I discuss this? I can't tell my friends - it might feel confidential to him (and he doesn't know you guys - you don't even know his name!).
I'm certainly not gonna discuss it with HIS friends (some of whom I've met) or family (some of whom I'm meeting next weekend).
My shrink can only say what-the-fuck ever a shrink can say.
Damn it to hell. I'm so fucking mad. I'm furious!
I want him with a grown-up-woman-sincere passion I have never felt before!
Now what?
Fuck.
Fuck indeed. I really feel this for you. I'm gathering he's TALKED to you about it....or do you only know this because of the, er, evidence? If he has, wow - that IS a good sign. So many men can't walk about it. The obvious question is: has he been to a doctor and has he tried the various products on the market? If he hasn't been in a relationship lately, he might not have. And honey, those little pills can really work wonders. So that's the first thing, in my opinion. If he's been, and tried, and still no luck, well, shit. I don't know. Then the question might be if it is psychological, and I don't know anything about that. xoxo (ps, he DOES sound lovely, tho!!)
ReplyDeleteCan't TALK about it, not WALK about it. Hmph.
ReplyDeleteThank you, My Dearest.
ReplyDeleteFirst was the evidence. Then was the talking about it. He has been open and honest - after the evidence. I'm guessing he was hoping it wouldn't happen that time...
I am spending a night there this weekend. And we will see what happens - or doesn't.
And if it is a sometimes thing, or a fix-it-blue-pill thing, fine.
If it is a major, interfere with relationship thing, then he'll have to choose to face it and get help (physical, psychological, whatever) or be with someone else. I don't mean to sound cold. I really care for him. But I spent my entire life with someone else's problems! Growing up, my mother's, then about 3 decades with J's! I want, and am finally ready for, a healthy relationship. NOT a "This is so nice in so many ways, but..." PINING relationship! I can't do that to myself again. NO.
I am so grateful to have heard from you.
Much love!