Grats

I am grateful:

1. My doctor yesterday.
2. He has helped me so much.
3. For so long.
4. Has been devoted to my well-being. I am so grateful for him.
5. My mother’s okay for today. And I’m taking her for a milkshake later.
6. Birthday coming Saturday.
7. I know I’ll get a present from M and D!
8. And maybe a card or two from others!
9. And L is taking me to dinner!
10. I hope to have a whole selfish weekend.
11. Conferences start today. I hate them. I’m very shy, and 20 minutes (or more) with each and every parent, twice a year is SO hard for me. But I am truly grateful. Grateful that I’ve gotten through them every time until now.
12. Grateful that I’ll probably get through them now too.
13. And grateful that I have the physical capacities.
14. That I have the physical capacity to walk.
15. To shower.
16. To dress.
17. To drive.
18. To speak.
19. To hear.
20. To understand.
21. And the psychological capacity to really listen.
22. And the open-mindedness to change as needed (not to a parent’s “command,” but as I learn more about the child…)
23. And empathy. I so deeply remember who/how I was in second grade. Am aware that they are not me. But can relate to much of what many (all, at least sometimes) go through.
24. That L seems to me to be a great teacher. Both of us seem to really get it. That if learning doesn’t take place, there is no teaching.
25. Elegance. Everywhere I find it.
26. Kindness. Everywhere I find it.
27. S, the teacher who said on the video, to 5th graders before they left us for the Middle School, “Be nice to each other.” That’s what he cared about most.
28. And that I still remember it. And I even say it to my little ones sometimes. Like when we’re breaking into groups for math or something: “Be nice to each other.”
29. Meditation.
30. Cats
31. Slightly sweet red wine. Maybe in a week or two I’ll have some more at home.
32. And I’m grateful that I don’t have, and never have had, a drinking problem.
33. The Five Mindfulness Trainings.
34. That as of this birthday, Saturday, it will be the first birthday I’ve ever had, independently. Not dependent on any man. Not desperate for one. No miserable without one.
35. Just me.
36. With lots of friends
37. And love
38. And hope
39. And interests
40. And happiness even.
41. And most of all, a desire to live!
42. And an appreciation of many of life’s wonders. (I have a feeling there are even more).
43. I had what I thought was a close friendship with a teacher, Li, for years. As it turned out, our definitions of friendship differed greatly. We had a falling out, and that was that. We still work well together, as we are both truly professionals, but have not been “friends” for years. Yesterday, in talking about something having to do with a project our classes are doing together, something came up and I realized she couldn’t possibly know about me and J. Now she has been here many times, been out with us many times,…I probably never spoke with her without mentioning him! She fully knew how I adored him and how close we were. So when I realized she didn’t know, I told her. She, who is known for being, um, cold, looked shocked and horrified.
44. Which told me gossip is not taking place all around the building about me. As it did for so long about everything! So I’m grateful that the building has changed.
45. And she said, “I don’t know how you’re even functioning.” Which told me she knew how big this was to me.
46. And she – known for being cold – spontaneously threw her arms around me and held me. (We were in the hall – no kids around). That meant a lot to me.
47. Later she wrote, and said, “If you ever want to talk.”
48. I’m grateful for my iPhone. I love it!
49. And that L, who swears he hates texts, has texting me about a million times lol.
50. I’m enjoying texting.
51. And I’ve taken pictures of my kids with it.
52. I’ll be in London within the month!
53. Giving a lotus to others (bowing with hands in sort of a prayer position but open in palms).
54. Ability to give Reiki energy to self.
55. And others (with permission, or in the case of a child, with parent’s permission).
56. And general others without permission (ex. after a tornado or something like that).
57. And non-human animals. Yes, doggy has received: )
58. And plants.
59. And minerals.
60. Humor
61. Sleep. I need a LOT more of it. And I’m grateful for the sleep I get.
62. L reminding me to tell students about the sky tonight.
63. That I just e-mailed the parents about it, with a link with beautiful pictures and great instructions
64. The internet
65. My little doggie. Well, I think she’ll really be J’s little doggie now. And I’m *fine * with that. I have some say in it, in fact.
66. Enough money to make it. For today. (May it continue).
67. Vegan foods.
68. Access to plenty of fresh, clean water.
69. I’m going to read le Petit Prince with my teacher! Yay! I mean, read it in high school, but didn’t really “get” it. Saw movie – disliked it. But now, will be able to read it with understanding!
70. L just wrote. He is fine fine fine following a “proper pace,” if you know what I mean. Yay. No pressures. Just enjoyment.
71. My dr. reminded me yesterday to enjoy!
72. AND – not to lose myself into anyone.
73. I’m finally starting to feel awake and not jittery, having been up and coffeed for almost 2 hours already!
74. I can do a favor for a friend this am.
75. Tibetan bells
76. Laughter
77. My principal’s kindness to me.
78. And to M.
79. Especially at this time.
80. Kids who don’t suffer with allergies. Whether they have them or not. That they don’t suffer.
81. My deep desire for, and taking proper actions toward, eating better.
82. And leaving the rest in God’s hands.
83. Pretty undies.
84. Lacy stockings and ankly type socks
85. That they get noticed : )
86. I am a woman. I feel like a woman.
87. Washing out the container M brought with lunch in it for me yesterday
88. That she did bring me lunch yesterday
89. Protein
90. Summer will come.
91. And I know I will have a GREAT one!
92. What a wonderful feeling to know that!
93. When my classroom is neat
94. Plants
95. Jade plants in particular
96. And “Christmas cactuses” in particular as well
97. And ornamental orange trees
98. I might get myself one, even. We’ll see.
99. Buddha
100. Doing my morning work. Although I’m mighty tempted to skip morning after b’day, and I might…