My CoDA Morning Work Today

I am so tired I can barely see straight.

I will try to do the magnet board anyway.
First, more coffee:

I woke up (at 3:10 am), had coffee, meditated a *little * bit, did e-mails and my spiritual work here, and I feel

1. Exhausted.
SO exhausted I literally cannot see straight. Don't know if I can think straight, or even get to work.
and
Angry at the bitch-sister who never does anything for my mother
But then - I get the friendship these decades, that's she, by her own selfishness, has missed out on.
Regretful - for every single thing that is/was my part in this marriage that went wrong - selection? not noticing the signs and reacting appropriately? not facing my shit and getting getter sooner? ...So regretful
Disconnected
Ill (the fatigue)
Alienated
Bruised
Eiw543w3e, uneasy, burdened by so many expectations at work that in the best of times it would be difficult, and with this exhaustion...
encumbered, hindered, ignored, slighted, abandoned (J a lot here, of course, including our very uncomfortable talk yesterday - not about anything of consequence, just that he reeks of this aura of "God I don't even want to waste a minute of my new life talking to you" on and off sometimes delightful sometimes like that and yesterday was like that)
Distrustful of myself because of this fatigue
Dreadful (all of it)
Lifeless (fatigues)
Ignored (J)
Defective, encumbered, you know - something wrong with me that's why my life is a mess in some ways
Sorrowful, frightened, and anguished and lonesome.

also
Powerless and humble (which are good things)

and
Blessed - for a million billion reasons in a million billion ways - really
and grateful - for so much that is (like the stuff on my gratitudes list) and that isn't (like I'm not terminally ill right now, etc.
Welcoming - of new things for and in self
Sacred - I am part of something bigger
Useful - at work
Satisfied in a number of areas in myself and my life, like my work, my clean house, my goodness, the good ness of so many others...
Alive.

5 good things about me
Oh boy I don't know if I can think of 5 good things about me
or 5 anything things about anyone.

Um


1. I keep confidences - no matter how tempting not to - not matter how much the confidence-giver would never find out... I still keep them perfectly and I love that about me
2. I keep trying, with the easy kids, the medium kids, and even the most difficult kids
3. I keep up with things around her - coffee, laundry, foods, and now neatness too, and soon I'll be able to say cleaning too (regularly)
4. I offered such beautiful things to my friend who is in need
5.
Um



Um


I make people laugh.

Okay. Done.