I woke up, had coffee, did grats and readings, and a little work e-mail, and I feel:
Regretful, low, toppled, envious, sad, inept, shaky, lousy, inferior, inadequate, tense, disconnected, apologetic, insecure, helpless, scared, hindered, incapable, rejected, anxious, sorrowful, doubtful, overwhelmed, tired, downtrodden, encumbered, stuck
and Powerless
and Blessed, grateful, healthy and vital
I think it is because:
First stuff: hindered by who I am, inadequate to meet all these challenges of life, home, relationships, and work, rejected by J, who loved me and acted the "adoring" (his word) husband for so many years, age and weight are making me tired plus all the word stresses that we all are suffering right now for a long time. I feel shitty.
Powerless over food. But I have program and that's Step One so that's good to remember/feel
And third stuff: gratitudes. Because I do know how lucky I am too
5 good things about me. Oy!
1. I have cleaned up
2. I keep up with laundry
3. I am deep
4. I am funny
5. I am fair
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