My One Hundred Gratitudes Today

I am grateful:

1. I woke up
2. I felt better yesterday
3. and ate so many nutrients
4. I slept last night
5. And had part of that recurring dream. I don’t know what it means yet, but I like when I have it. It’s so interesting.
6. How quick J always was to know exactly what my dreams meant
7. EJ talking about *accepting * self! Yay!
8. Also nice dream about the students
9. I had a whole day off yesterday. Catholics and Jews and my Buddhists in the Order of Interbeing and probably every religion and non-religion believe in one day off. My Buddhism calls it “lazy” day. And when they run into each other, they ask, “Are you being lazy enough today?” I don’t have it because my mother refuses to switch her banking. I want one day with nothing scheduled. I don’t mean lying around on the couch watching tv. But no obligations. Walking, eating, meditating, maybe reading (for pleasure) or painting, or playing with the dog… Doesn’t have to be alone either. I’m still trying to work it out. Saturday is the only possibility as of now, except for my mother, and my driving 3 miles to get her, to take her about ½ mile to the bank, wait 5 minutes, take her back, and come home, which does feel a bit ridiculous, but she is my mother… Anyway, yesterday, although I had to get sick to do it, I had a lazy day!
10. The dishwasher might be working after all.
11. Yesterday, my “morning” work was SO hard. But today I’m enjoying it, thank God.
12. A new kid in my class. His mother is an exceptional person. (I love him too, of course). But I mean, like when he’s no longer in my class, I would love to socialize with her. (His father, I don’t like – which makes me feel even more for the kid).
13. Anyway, I also just got *another * lovely e-mail from her.
14. I wanted to die two Mays ago last Feb., and last June, but last week, I was having a tea party with a sponsor. Wow.
15. I have CoDA today. Finally. It has been closed for the last two weeks.
16. Online boggle
17. Online scrabble – I don’t play, but D asks me for help sometimes. And I like that: )
18. Today I’ll take my mom shopping. I’m glad I can do that for her
19. And that I prayed for her (painwise) last night.
20. And will continue to.
21. I am grateful that I have shoes.
22. And friends.
23. And water. Always so grateful for water
24. And that my body responds well to eating well.
25. And responds quickly too.
26. And that I’m making an exercise plan.
27. Lavender. I finally like it. Or is it orchid lol
28. I am still healthy
29. I might go to lunch with 2 friends today
30. I will do one load of laundry today
31. M and I had such a great talk yesterday
32. Laughter.
33. Especially when I’m hear alone and something is on tv and I actually laugh out loud
34. Getting more in touch with the human experience
35. Feeling more regular
36. Starting to find out who I am
37. Green beans yesterday
38. J not coming by for mail yesterday. I was hoping he wouldn’t.
39. Nice friendly chat on phone though. Although I’m still nervous and awkward.
40. Deep breath just now. I am so grateful for deep breaths. I have struggled so much in my life for breath.
41. Still keeping house neat. Yay!
42. It is positively delightful to walk through the living room with the rug down for the first time ever, and it’s so neat, and it has beautiful flowers, and I’ve moved the pictures around, and it’s really quite lovely.
43. Some inner calm
44. Enough clean clothes and towels for tomorrow already
45. Have been washing dishes by hand
46. And enjoying it
47. Wood furniture
48. Well-made furniture. I have barely any, but I appreciate it.
49. Those tennis lessons I had years and years ago. I was horrible at it, but I was so hopeful that first lesson.
50. Swimming in green ocean in Bermuda
51. And in Barbados
52. My hair yesterday. It looked fabulous. I really loved it. And didn’t do a thing to it.
53. The amount of makeup I wear when I wear it (not a lot at all, but it makes a difference).
54. My Buddha necklace from M.
55. My “altar” in the sunroom, may I use it.
56. It brings me pleasure anyway though.
57. Flowers growing happily outside, where and when they are.
58. Vegetarian Times Magazine
59. Lifeline magazine
60. Prevention magazine, throughout the years
61. PBS
62. French films
63. My possible tutor from the agency may work out after all (French). I would much rather have it here, but she can come to school at lunchtime.
64. Beagles. There’s something about the look of a beagle that says to me, “I am cute because I am. I am who I am. Maybe my markings are symmetrical and maybe not and maybe I have some freckles and maybe not and maybe my legs are long or maybe they’re short but I am adorable and everyone accepts me just as I am.
65. The second grader, so long ago, who was reading his little report on Abe Lincoln (and he looked like a beagle puppy) and he fell on his back, held up the paper and just kept reading from there on the floor. (Uninjured). SO cute
66. And the day he was running around the yard with he open hand under his chin the whole time. Why? “Because my tooth is gonna fall out. And I wanna catch it when it does.” So cute!
67. That I have a fireplace.
68. And a log for it now too.
69. And my breathing is good enough that I think this year I can use it.
70. That my mother saved (and still does) money.
71. And saved and bought one by one, expensive, beautiful Christmas ornaments.
72. And I have them.
73. I *will * have a tree next year. I will I will I will.
74. MA’s sense. Her sensibility.
75. Birthday dinners growing up. Got to say what wanted for dinner and dessert. I almost always said (pre-vegan of course) beef stew with brown gravy, and chocolate cake with chocolate icing and coconut if really lucky.
76. The bedroom I had for six months in grade 4, before her real craziness was in full swing. It was pink, with white built-ins, including shelves around bed with a booklight.
77. That I am now reading my class and M’s my favorite fairy tale, that I used to read at night in that room when things did start getting crazy too, and how it made me feel better.
78. My mother’s courage. Like when I was turning 10 and we went to the specialty store to pick out a beautiful, expensive, realistic baby doll for me because it’s what I wanted. And the man said, “A big girl like you? You should want a baby doll.” And my mother was polite but indignant on my behalf and said, “These are perfect for a girl her age.” And I picked a lovely one, with a pink outfit, and I loved that doll and didn’t fell bad about myself. Because of my mother.
79. And when she recently reported the “caretaker” of her upstairs bedridden neighbor. She was abusive. And my mother let herself get involved. Including with the police. And they confronted that woman, *with her, * and she stayed strong. And that woman is gone now. That was brave of her.
80. That I have *some * of her courage.
81. New starts. I have always appreciated them. Even as a child.
82. The Roseanne show
83. Two and a Half Men
84. Make Room for Daddy, when I was growing up
85. Roller skating, when I was growing up.
86. That fabulous, soft, silky, non-greasy, inexpensive bubble bath from the drugstore
87. I just wrote to that former third grade student, who may become my French teacher (depending upon a few factors). Nice.
88. M. Our first dog together.
89. I’m embarrassed to put this in gratitudes, but I’m not so sure J’s gonna feel like this forever. I *think * he is. But I’m not sure
90. That adorable pig in the Geiko commercials. “Wheeeeee!”
91. And that there must be a reason we all love him. It’s about enthusiasm, and innocence, and fun, and letting go.
92. I *will * find a way to have more fun. Don’t know where/what/how. But must, so will. Right?
93. I am grateful that I make the bed daily now.
94. And that I’ll have breakfast soon. Because I am hungry.
95. And that I have frozen berries in the house.
96. And a refrigerator.
97. And oxygen.
98. And a few plants here
99. And in my classroom
100. And Ma helped them. They needed it.