Grats

I am grateful:

1. L, a male with whom I am now communicating. I’m enjoying our communications (online and anonymous).
2. And that I don’t want anything from him. No sex. No possibility of long-term relationship. Truly. Just enjoying conversation.
3. And he is supposedly good with that. I’ll be careful, of course. But it is fun.
4. Showing my kiddies my French primer books yesterday. They loved seeing me struggle during private reading time, to sound out words and try to glean meaning from the picture clues. I tried to pretend I didn’t know they were paying attention, as I sat on the rug with them and read (which we almost never get to do – like 3x a year!). But I know they were internalizing and feeling good about their own growth as readers, watching me do and enjoy that.
5. Deep breaths.
6. Happy breaths.
7. Laughter in faculty room at lunch yesterday. And without rudeness or off-color stuff. That felt nice.
8. Being more and more myself.
9. This loaner laptop. It’s so much – tighter – than my other decrepit one.
10. My life
11. This age. That I’m not older as I learn these lessons. Sure, I would *in a way * prefer to have learned then younger, but I’m glad am doing so now.
12. That I have never had a drug problem.
13. Or a drinking problem.
14. That I’m eating well.
15. Nice talk with sponsor yesterday.
16. The Fairy Tale work
17. My tech lesson with Jo yesterday
18. And her saying that I’ve influenced her in terms of gratefulness. That makes me feel wonderful!
19. Will do the breathing game with the kiddies today. Yay.
20. Dr. tonight and nothing else. Yay.
21. Did the hard stuff yesterday. And it didn’t turn out to be so hard! Yay.
22. Had the tech meeting.
23. Had the parents-psychologist hour and a half meeting
24. Had the long long nighttime phone call with the mother of the girl who told me bad things yesterday.
25. Also of course reported the bad things to the office and psychologist (she is not being abused, thank God. If she were, I am mandated to report it further – it’s about stuff in her head. And it turns out she is getting help).
26. Went to mother’s apartment and got her mail for her.
27. Stopped home to pick up homemade soup I had here for her.
28. Went to nursing home.
29. Went through the mail with her – difficult: (
30. Met her nursing home friend, Mary. That was nice.
31. Gave the soups to the nurses. They labeled etc.
32. She told Mary about them and that they would share them today! I’m happy for them about that!
33. Then we had a long visit.
34. And she was kind of like her old self. Mentally, not physically. But vocabulary, class, conversationally…It was great!
35. And I made sure they’ll take care of her pj situation.
36. Came home and did not pig out.
37. Slept.
38. Don’t remember any traumatic (or any great) dreams. Know dreampt. So, uneventful. Good.
39. Fun stuff and basic stuff to do with kiddies today.
40. Icky aide coming as mine will be absent, but I will work it out.
41. Nice that I know I will work it out.
42. The plants in the classroom.
43. Yesterday was national laughter day. I think that’s important.
44. Soon will be the Oscars. I will sleep, not watch. But I *will * watch the red carpet. I enjoy that.
45. Angelina Joie. I don’t know her, and with no right to any judgment, I do have one. I think she’s crazy. However, I think she’s beautiful and it gives me pleasure to look at her.
46. Mozart.
47. Chopin.
48. Bach.
49. Beethoven.
50. Shubert
51. Rachmaninoff
52. Beautiful picture in books.
53. MacKnight paintings.
54. That I think friends don’t come here. And I never give this blog address to anyone I know irl first, anymore. It helps me because I can be fully, and I mean 100%, myself.
55. My spirituality.
56. This sofa.
57. My new French teacher. I think we’ll be good together.
58. Koko the Gorilla. And all the people she has influenced about animals.
59. Chairs.
60. Design
61. Gold leaf. I know. It’s a ridiculous luxury. But it’s pretty hee hee.
62. Ultra-modern architecture.
63. Houses that face the ocean in front and the mountains in back. (Like the one Courney Cox and David Arquette had. Have?)
64. People with money who share it with others in need.
65. And those who share it with the arts. The arts are important too.
66. Every walk in nature I’ve ever had.
67. That I have my own house.
68. That I worked SO HARD for it. And it is really mine.
69. My (our) doggie.
70. Every fish I’ve had
71. Every bird I’ve had
72. Every dog I’ve had
73. Shoes
74. Boots
75. Learning about how to videotape and put on internet for parents, the kids’ singing the rap from the fairy tales omg it is too cute
76. EJ
77. JJ
78. Birdie
79. Kayleigh
80. Kris
81. Steve
82. Christy
83. I cannot tell you how much it means to me to be not alone in cyberspace. Especially first thing in dark morning alone. Phhhheeeeeeew.
84. Two of the brightest girls in my class, realizing that every time we do any math equations, that thing before an answer is an equals sign. You had to be there, but it was adorable. The things we just assume they “get…” It was like, “Look, look, we made up a sign to mean equals!” “Wow! You’re so creative! Wonderful! Are you going to use that today instead of the regular equals sign?” “What do you mean? There’s already an equals sign?” “Sure, Honeies, we use it every day.” “What?” “Look. 1 + 1 = 2. Read that to me.” “One plus one equals 2.” “Um hmmm.” Blank stare. I point at equals sign. “What did you say here?” Them: “Equals. - - - OOOOOHHHHHHH! Wow!” SO cute!
85. My toast is ready. I shall go eat. With stomach hunger. Yay.
86. And now I have just had a healthy breakfast. Lucky.
87. The internet
88. That although this is the hardest time in my life, there are billions of people who would trade places with me in a moment.
89. And that I am aware of that.
90. And that I pray for them sometimes..
91. And do reiki for them sometimes too.
92. The 3 paintings made by 3rd graders for me, under which I am now sitting.
93. Happy dances
94. Dancing in general.
95. That I have pretty strong legs. Still.
96. That B is beginning to lose weight too. Good for her!
97. That I don’t feel stomach-nervous right now, this morning.
98. Typing. I just love typing.
99. Pretty, fresh-fallen snow on leaves.
100. Especially that one street near my house, where I’ve been the first or one of the very first drivers and it felt like being inside a snow globe.