Grats

I am grateful:

1. My French lesson was yesterday!
2. It was fantastic!
3. I’m to have one a week. So excited.
4. And my teacher said, as everyone does, that my pronunciation and inflection is wonderful. Yay.
5. And I remembered more than either of us thought I would.
6. And then I said I’d like to read some “primer” books for practice and she told me which library to go to as that town has a large French population.
7. And it’s MA’s town!
8. I called, MA ran down in the rain to my car, and we went over.
9. Her friend of 35 years was the librarian yesterday, and they had a great talk.
10. And I have a bagful of books!
11. Plus there are many many more there.
12. And – I feel like my students. “Ooh, I can’t wait until someday I can read a chapter book,” like some feel in the beginning of second grade.
13. Plus – they met my teacher. That was cool for them.
14. And as always, when I am bring taught, it reminds me of MANY things that they might be feeling and makes me yet more sensitive to them.
15. Actually, my time and energy here are so limited, that I am glad she comes to school at lunchtime even though I get less than the full hour.
16. She was thrilled to have a student who is there for the love of it (not mother forcing kid to tutor because failing…)
17. ***And it all means I am doing something for myself! ***
18. I’m grateful that unlike yesterday, I was not up and active at 2:30 am today!
19. I’m grateful that I told my principal and her sort of assistant principal yesterday, about J not living here.
20. And that one held my held and one hugged me.
21. They were SO nice.
22. And I, as always, was honest. And said I am nice to the kids and they are learning, and I am professional with other adults, but I must be nervous because schedule-remembering (outside of class – meetings, courses, mother,…) is getting confused so I have to keep very careful lists.
23. So Ma is going to help me plan the zoo trip. (They said if you need help with anything, let us know).
24. AND – a luncheon yesterday conflicted with my lesson. Speaking of schedules). So principal said, make your way through, make a plate even though I know nothing will be vegan and there’ll be nothing you can eat, smile a lot, get out and go to your lesson. You can bring your teacher the plate! I’m so grateful.
25. I also told N. and she was wonderful.
26. I am finally ready for everyone at work to know. (Hopefully not students and parents, but professionals. But I can’t control that anyway).
27. Hey – in years and years, I could wind up with one of the widowed or divorced grandparents or something! : )
28. J. went to see my mother yesterday am and thinks she’ll stick it out for the next week. I am SO grateful.
29. And she did sound much better yesterday afternoon. PHEW
30. And – back to the French, I think during private reading today, I will read my primer French books – trying to decode and ascertain meaning – rather than engaging with a group or whatever – for the purpose of them seeing me do it. For their sake. Good.
31. And MA was proud of me.
32. And – and this is uncomfortable – MA said she’d love to come over (lives near school) and sit in. Was actually thinking about it. Afraid might interrupt too much… - well, I love her, but this is MINE and I’m grateful that I would be able to say that if it comes up. I think : )
33. And that I feel so good now without walking around school with the secret. Phew. So grateful to feel that way!
34. Woke up tired, heated coffee, poured it, and as sipping, opened e-mails from parents – all complimentary!
35. One reminding me how grateful she (mom – and one who’s known to be difficult) is that he has never been as happy as he is in my room. I honestly don’t know why, but this child smiles all day long. I’m so glad!
36. J. seems to notice that I’m happier and busy with nice things. *It is not my intent – I am doing these things for me! But it is nice that he seems to notice.
37. My. Life. Does. Not. Revolve. Around. Him. Now. Thank you, God, friends, therapists, programs, universe, self.
38. That I just thanked myself.
39. That I am not alone in cyber-space.
40. I have stomach hunger right now. Good. I shall go make some breakfast. For the right reason.
41. I am having a life without J living here!
42. That today I am not in the shape I was in yesterday.
43. I’ll have nice day for class today.
44. And nice session with other class too.
45. Principal kept saying how great I look – and looking at my face.
46. Now later in the morning, the school psychologist – on whom the principal relies greatly – was hanging around my area a lot. I wonder is she asked her to take a look. But I’m fine with it either way, and I’m grateful for all of that.
47. Practicing piano before school yesterday!
48. Offering to lend my very special copy of Secret Garden to some fifth graders I don’t know, when I overheard them asking for it at our school library and she thought there were no more copies.
49. I am grateful for exercise
50. And more steps in a day
51. And my clean house!
52. And my freedoms here. Hey, someday – someday far away, I could fall in love. And then I’ll “have to” make compromises. And I understand that. But right now, I don’t have to! I can play piano – loudly – at 4 am. I can watch sitcom reruns. I can eat veggies for breakfast and a sandwich for lunch, in front of the tv.
53. I can leave out a jigsaw puzzle in progress, or put up a dollhouse or turn the sofa backwards (I don’t do these things, but I could!) or paint a room black (which I would never do – I’m just brainstorming freedoms here) or sleep on the floor or have parties or watch chick-flick type tv. Or be silent. Or talk on the phone for long periods
54. Wow. What a deep breath I just took.
55. This is virtually the first time in like 28 years I’m not spending ginormous energy on worrying about J and me. Wow.
56. I am grateful for my hands and all that they do.
57. And how soft they are right now! This is new to me.
58. And that I’m planning to have paraffin and a massage in Febr.
59. And a vacation. Not away, but time off, in Feb.
60. And that my students are happy.
61. And quality furniture. I have mostly less expensive stuff, but I appreciate it.
62. And St (friend)
63. And saints. Really.
64. I forgot – not phobic, just forgot – to take out the garbage this am. Heard the truck and realized. And did not panic. I’ll do it Friday. There is so little anyway: )
65. And – and – last week, for the first time, I heard the recycling truck and did NOT run to the window to look. Sort of (sort of) assumed they’d just nonchalantly take it. Good.
66. Not spending any more time around bullies. I’m serious.
67. Indoor recess yesterday. I like it better. (
68. I’m afraid today we’ll be outside. But the kids will love that so I’m grateful on their behalf).
69. I’m nervous and tired about going to after-school meeting and then mother’s apartment and then nursing home by myself tonight. But grateful that she is in the shape that I can do it.
70. B seems to be adjusting better to my classroom now. She was really pissed about being moved.
71. KH. So nice to have her in M’s class now that she’s almost fully grown, helping out, and I taught her in gr. 3 and get to spend some time with her now and we love each other.
72. I am smiling. Right now. So grateful for that!
73. Piano in classroom
74. And piano at home
75. And O’s mother noticing how much better I’m getting when she saw me
76. And noticed right away no wedding ring
77. And when she heard I’m practicing
78. And how we are able to laugh together
79. Ex they were talking in Russian and I understood nothing except one word. So their talk sounded like this – I’M NOT MAKING FUN OF THE LANGUAGE I’M JUST EXPLAING : blah blah ushki rah rah schmanoff sex schmoos schmosshi sex rah ha yada yada sex ichof aninoff ushiov sex. That was the one English word in the story and it kept coming up. It was so funny.
80. Life
81. My life even. Wow.
82. Breath
83. Smiles
84. One of my students whose goal is to smile more.
85. A child who asked me yesterday, while lining up: “Do you think doctors are important?” “Yes.” “Lawyers?“ “Yes.” Thoughtful look thoughtful look: Me: “I think ALL jobs are important.” “Huh.” “Where would we be without garbage collectors? What would the world be like if no one planted flowers? How about no teachers? Or (touching the paper in her hand) if no one made paper? Or no one danced or sang for us? Or the people at the hospital who don’t get paid but do volunteer work, like the lady who massaged my hands with cream when I was sick in the hospital and it made me feel so nice… But I’m interested – what do YOU think?” Her, thoughtfully, with very serious 7-year-old face: “You’ve convinced me.”
86. Voice. I so vividly remember when I couldn’t speak for like 8 months. I’m so grateful that I can speak.
87. Experiences. Even the hard ones have added to some good things.
88. Vitamins
89. Hope
90. Trees!
91. Flowers.
92. My yellow tulips in the d.r. are opening up and so beautiful!
93. The fancy dinners I’ve had at K’s.
94. Nice people. With compassion.
95. Laughter
96. Jokes
97. Riddles for the kids
98. Great dvd yesterday on Chinese New Year
99. The little wind chimes in my classroom.
100. This is a little sad, but all the years I kept vacation things around in the classroom like the beach rock, the wind chimes, etc. I AM grateful for that.