The fatigue has been

threatening to consume me.

I could barely drive to work Friday.
Lately have dropped things, lost things, misplaced things, forgotten things, missed appointments, for the first time in my life my spelling's been atrocious, I wrote February 13 on the board yesterday, etc. etc.
One night, I couldn't eat dinner. I'm an eater, believe me! And it was cooked - just needed nuking. I literally didn't have the strength to life the fork and eat.
Yesterday, I couldn't even visit my mother in the hospital, or finish my morning work here, even later.
Only could cuddle with doggie and lie down.
Ordered soup delivered! (Ridiculous to pay for that but couldn't do more).

Anyway, also have black and blue marks that make no sense. One in the middle of my left side of waist. How would I have gotten that?
Another is in the middle of my left thigh, on the front, and has a hard lump. How would I have gotten that?

And now, this morning, for the first time - I mean literally, it wasn't there yesterday, I have this bump on my foot. I've never had it before. I'll have to look it up and see what bunions look like or something. Oy.

And, I had a meltdown in front of two teachers. No kids were around, and I love and trust them both - that's not an issue. But I FELT like a two-year-old who was overtired and it all had to come out. That's the point.

Anyway, the fatigue is partially disabling. And has been going on for about 2 weeks.
It COULD be from the new antidepressant... I don't know. I took less last night and don't feel quite as bad so far this am. Of course, I did sleep all day yesterday...
It COULD also be from the fact that I've been awakening at about 3 each morning, so not getting nearly enough sleep.
Or it COULD be stress.
Or it COULD be I'm fat and old and disgusting - ok - I shouldn't go there.
Or it COULD be related to these other things.
Or it COULD be something I'm not thinking of.
I will see the dr. this week.
Hope it's easy to fix. But I will do ANYTHING she says. I'm desperate to live more! (Which is good!)

I feel like I'm in my 70's or 80's, not my 50's.
And I DON'T want to feel this way anymore!
I don't care WHAT I have to do - I'm willing.
Finally, after wanting to for SO LONG (a year and a half?) I WANT life!

Okay, God, irony/joke is over. Come on now...

:)