so sick

I'm so sick
and depressed
feel like giving up
wtf is going on

:(
--

Thank you both.
Very sick, that's all.
Lots and lots of bloody diarrhea
followed by morning of lots of lots of vomiting.
Lots.
Dizzy
Cramps
Etc.

I'm sorry to tell you that I called J. He came and brought me ginger teas and stuff and that helped. I can barely move around.

It's probably just a viral thing that's going around.
But I was so saddened and surprised by my want-to-die-today feelings. That they could come back so immediately. I guess dark, alone, sick, raining out, missing work, alone, and did I say alone...

But dr. said take a xanax (I only take a few a year).
I did.
Because I could not escape the feeling.
Now I just feel like s--- but I have been able to drink (rehydrate) and sleep a bit.
Depressing start to the weekend...

Thank you both so much for being there.

Can't do the spiritual stuff.
This much typing is already hurting my joints...

I love you both.
XO