I am grateful:
1. I am getting physically better.
2. Even enjoyed a little bit of correspondence with L. again.
3. Still in love with J., but more accepting again. I think being sick just made everything worse.
4. MA came all the way here with groceries!
5. She couldn’t come in because too vulnerable to germs. But lugged them up the stairs and left at door.
6. And I left envelope with money for her.
7. And we did virtual hug through storm door.
8. She screwed up the coconut water – it only had calories and carbs and sugar. I’d wanted the other brand, with potassium and magnesium and calcium… but everything else was helpful.
9. This was a big deal for her to do as she is a “white toast and jello” person and coconut water and green tea with ginger and whole wheat pita etc. felt to her, she said, like she was shopping on a foreign planet. I appreciate this so much.
10. And J offered did I need anything.
11. And I was able to say no.
12. And now I really should be able to take doggie next weekend.
13. And – she should be groomed too.
14. I really miss her – actually dreampt about her last night – so am happy will see her.
15. It will be J’s birthday. I *think * I am not supposed to do anything about it. Don’t know what is right. But am glad he is alive. For his sake. After a couple of serious illnesses…
16. Should be able to work today.
17. Got lots of restorative sleep this weekend.
18. M. says she’s numb, but she got through yesterday.
19. I just wrote to my physical doctor. Must get this colon stuff that’s been going on for a while, examined. And some other stuff too. I took that step.
20. And I believe, knowing her, she will see me soon.
21. I cleaned up my desktop on the computer. It is neat now.
22. I just took one deep breath.
23. I’m not happy. But I’m not horribly depressed either. I’m almost regular. A little more nervous and sad than regular but just a little.
24. A drugstore that delivers.
25. I have what I need to eat very carefully today as regards the stomach/intestine issue.
26. People with class.
27. Classical music.
28. Museums.
29. Good improve
30. Frogs and toads
31. Support from the office at work
32. I read about 15 pages here yesterday. Really junky book. But maybe it’s my foray back into being able to read in the house.
33. I’m not as sick.
34. And not contagious, I’m sure, as fever gone and I can think and walk around again.
35. I sat and watched the SAG red carpet yesterday.
36. And I enjoyed it.
37. I’d rather be with J., but I enjoy that and he wasn’t really able to sit through that sort of thing anyway.
38. That I’m looking for the positives.
39. That I’ve inspired M again
40. And may be able to take her class a bit today.
41. That I will shop for MA when she needs me to.
42. That my aunt is doing better. We are all surprised about this. I wish her quality of life in the day. As I wish my mom. And all of us.
43. I helped my mom (on the phone) yesterday.
44. And J called last night
45. And agreed
46. As much as I adore the very sound of his beautiful voice, I am glad that I am able to feel: I wish he wouldn’t call at night. It interferes with my falling asleep. I wish he would call earlier. Now mind you – he is calling at like 7:45 – there’s nothing rude about that! But with my pill now, if I become too fully alert at 7:45, as I am when he calls, I have to start winding down again… Don’t know if I can say anything. But am glad I can at least feel it.
47. I feel – some – hope again today.
48. I intend to give the kids a great day, but take it easy on myself today too.
49. I just made a schedule for the day, and it is livable! Good for them first, of course – but livable for me too! Phew.
50. Something I’m really looking forward to today: my French lesson
51. Tomorrow I’ll help my mother get home from nursing home, God help her.
I must get in early, and it is getting late. This is literally all I have time for. But I know I am grateful for much more than this. I’ll try to be quick-worded and finish:
52. life
53. breath
54. water
55. food
56. getting better
57. voice
58. home
59. job
60. car
61. gas enough in car to get to work
62. computers for kids to make maps
63. pigs. I love sweet, smart pigs. May people someday stop eating them
64. I have hair. (I have a friend with alopecia).
65. Okay – keep em short – windows
66. Oak tree
67. Piano
68. Legs feeling a good bit stronger again!
69. I will move about but also take it easy today
70. N.
71. M.
72. MA
73. ML
74. St
75. S
76. O
77. Ma
78. Jo
79. JA
80. L
81. Heat
82. Hot water
83. Cold water
84. Whole wheat pita
85. Not feeling at all like overeating
86. Medicines
87. Doctors
88. Laughter
89. Any time I can be at all lighthearted
90. About to take nice bath or shower
91. Clean clothes for today
92. Freedom
93. Citizenship
94. Trees. All trees
95. Flowers
96. Squirrels
97. Acorns. And their meanings.
98. Have 10 presents for M and her girls for the upcoming days when they’ll be needing support (didn’t spend a lot – most are like tokens and the expensive one, I had a gift certificate…)
99. Exercise again soon –
100. And that excited about that
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