CoDA Work This Morning

I woke up, prayed thank you, had coffee, did grats., treated dog, had breakfast, and i feel:

Exhausted
Anxious, Worried, Swamped, Awkward, Numb, Unhappy, Shaky, Undervalued, Sad, Burdened, Doubtful, Helpless, Fearful, Distrustful, Jilted, Angry, Abused, Betrayed, Jealous, Slighted, Frustrated, Ignored, Irritated, Overlooked, Rejected, Encumbered

and
Willing, Humble, Powerless,

Reflective

and
Recharged, Capable, Valuable, Sacred, Optimistic, Grateful, Empowered, Limitless, Gratified, Vital, Hopeful, Satisfied, Blessed, Healthy, Open, Alive

I think it is because:

First stuff:
So much to do here. And have been putting off SO long. Feel cannot do.
Plus, O. I'm really hurt and angry that she never contacted me on Friday, even though I left 3 messages and we had plans. And I left a message yesterday and she didn't bother still. I feel angry but also don't want to lose her. It's amazing how many feelings came up over this
distrustful, angry, abused, betrayed, jilted, unappreciated, undervalued, slighted, ignored, irritated, even rejected
I mean, she could get to the phone for a second. And I've been with her when she's chosen to ignore others, so I know she does it. Anyway, I'm disappointed that I feel over this over that.
And of course, marriage stuff

Second stuff:
Food, OA, CoDA

Third stuff:
Even though I am EXHAUSTED! and worried can't do today's work,
last Sunday and Monday I felt the same and did manage it. And the OA phone marathon helped. And they have it again today (and tomorrow)
And I'm doing better than I'd dreamt I could be, even a week ago Friday.
So I'm very grateful.
And looking at the done rooms is a joy.

I acted out codependently:
Calling O 4 times in two days
Putting so much shore in her/that

Next time I'll do differently.
Say, "Fuck it."

5 good things about me.
Oy.

1. I'm learning (and growing)
2. I'm more independent than ever before
3. I am so much stronger than last time I went through this. So much!
4. I have empathy.
5. I have pretty feet.

Ooh - something to look forward to -
a spa kind of day tomorrow if I finish what I need to today.
And remember - good enough is good enough!
And, I can make my food list too.
I'm feeling a little bit more energized...