Grats

I am grateful:

1. Seeing MA and ML yesterday
2. MA’s offer for me to shower there
3. MA’s offer for me to sleep there
4. Me getting to bring my dinner and eat it there
5. Her trying to make me get set up and feel at home
6. Because I couldn’t stay, due to cat allergies, I’m grateful that I got through the cold night here
7. That I no longer ever call Mau. I do not like her confrontational nature. I feel bad every time after I’m with her. So I’m glad I’ve sort of dumped her but haven’t approached it. I will approach it if when have to.
8. And I’m grateful that I still pray for her, as she asked me to.
9. I’m grateful that my OA sponsor offered me to stay there too. I’m allergic to a mildewy substance there and I can’t, but I’m grateful for the invitation.
10. And that St has said I could shower there.
11. And that I was so nice to MA when she needed to get out of something because of her daughter.
12. And that she was so appreciative.
13. That I did sleep some last night
14. That I prayed hard for the person whose son has such a serious medical condition going on right now.
15. That I just called my sponsor. I didn’t want to. But it was the next right thing.
16. And it was nice talking, too.
17. I will have some doggie time, yay.
18. Laughter. So important.
19. That MA and ML and I wrote to S.
20. And that it was my idea
21. That I will probably go to the OA and the CoDA meetings tomorrow.
22. That today will be warmer.
23. That the mattress pad works a bit, so doggie and I should be okay today.
24. That I will take my mother to the bank. And maybe for her milkshake that she loves so much.
25. That by Tuesday I should be able to cook.
26. I’m grateful that I’ve almost always enjoyed reading.
27. That Thich Nhat Hahn looked in my eyes.
28. And I exercised with him. Face to face.
29. Fresh fruit
30. The rainbows I’ve seen
31. That I used to have a boat
32. Free time
33. Peace
34. That I’m in a book group. It’s nice reading and knowing that others I know are reading the same thing
35. And that we will discuss it too.
36. Wilderness
37. Electricity
38. Librarians
39. That my friend’s town saved their library and restored services too.
40. Hugs
41. All the tiny organisms on the planet
42. All the plants
43. That idea I heard about if astronauts were stranded on the moon with no hope of ever getting back. How they would look at the earth and all they would think would be: “I want that. I want to be back there. I only want a chance to walk there again.” It puts things in perspective.
44. The right brain and what’s it’s able to do
45. Left too
46. And their working together
47. Affirmations
48. Jo’s help with technology
49. Laughing together with ML and MA
50. That ML remembers O
51. Phones
52. And the Internet. Both help me stay connected
53. That I’m not the isolationist I’d thought I was
54. Artichokes
55. And artichoke hearts
56. People who pray together, including me.
57. People who pray for others, including me.
58. My mother’s prayers.
59. Yesterday’s For Today: …”Still – it’s good to laugh, to blow away the ‘heavy does it’ attitude when it descends on me like a thundercloud.
60. “For today: Joy and lightheartedness are never out of place.”
61. My OA sponsor’s attitude about hardships, that that’s life. This is easy, that is hard, this is good, that is difficult. And that sponsor says it’s since long into program. That gives me hope.
62. This part of today’s For Today: “For today: There is only one hard and fast rule in sponsoring: to let those I sponsor know that in OA they have freedom of choice in what they will eat, how much they will weight and how they will work the program.”
63. Today’s Voices of Recovery: “If we are to experience permanent recovery from compulsive eating, we will have to repeat, day after day, the actions that have already brought us so much healing.” OA 12 & 12 p. 83
64. And it has the writer asking self: “What did I do fifteen years ago to lose seventy-five pounds?
65. And “What did I do over the years to arrive at the level of serenity I have now?
66. And “What did I do that resulted in my Higher Power being my best friend and confidante?
67. And “The really big question is, ‘Am I still doing the program activities today that I did in the first bloom of program?’
68. …”When my answer to the big question is a ‘maybe’ or a ‘no,’ I need to make adjustments in my life which give me the time and opportunity to practice program activities on a daily basis.
69. “My belief that compulsive eating is a chronic, incurable, potentially-fatal disease confirms the need to persevere in the treatment plan that has worked so well for me for over fifteen years.”
70. Today’s Voices of Recovery: “…thus we acted as if God were really, exactly what we wanted and needed our Higher Power to be.” OA 12 & 12 p. 16.
71. “The beginning of my recovery was the concept of God being on my side – that I wasn’t left with only my own resources in this world.
72. “…I slowly began a trusting relationship with God, finding that I could always rely on him and accepting that I could not rely on others or myself in the same way.
73. “In the twenty years since, I have had a life far better than I could every have contemplated.
74. “God and I have shared many heartaches, but we’ve seen them through as only true partners can.”
75. That I am not alone in cyber-space.
76. Yesterday’s In This Moment: “In This Moment, I pray for knowledge of my Higher Power’s will for me.”
77. “I use Step Eleven as a way to practice humility and as a reminder of my decision to turn my will and life over to my Higher Power’s care.
78. “There are days when everything’s spinning out of control; I feel lost, desperate, and insane. At these times, I cling to this Step like a raft in a stormy sea.
79. “When I don’t know what to do, when I can’t think straight because I feel so crazy, when there are no good choices, - only different shades of bad ones – I pray.”
80. “Then I wait.
81. “I trust that I will recognize the answer when it comes and have the courage to act in my own best interest.
82. “When I’m open to my Higher Power’s will, I hear what I need to hear and find the strength to do what I need to do.”
83. Today’s In This Moment: “In This Moment, I accept.
84. “I start every day the same way. As I brush my teeth, I look at a framed copy of a saying that speaks to me about acceptance being the solution to my problems.
85. “It reminds me that I can’t change other people.
86. “I accept them as they are.
87. “Many situations are beyond my control.
88. “Not accepting them is like beating my head against a wall, which is pretty silly.
89. “I am powerless over others, but that doesn’t mean I’m helpless.
90. “When I accept, I help myself, my attitude, and my life.”
91. Yesterday’s Language of Letting Go:
children need discipline to feel secure; so do adults.
92. “Discipline means understanding there are logical consequences to our behavior.
93. “Discipline means taking responsibility for our behavior and the consequences.
94. “Discipline means learning to wait for what we want.
95. “Discipline means being willing to work for and toward what we want.
96. “Discipline means learning and practicing new behaviors.
97. “Discipline means being where we need to be, when we need to be there, despite our feelings.
98. “Discipline is the day-to-day performing of tasks, whether these be recovery behaviors or washing the dishes.
99. “Discipline involves trusting that our goals will be reached though we cannot see them.
100. “Discipline can be grueling. We may feel afraid, confuse, uncertain. Later, we will see the purpose. But this clarity of sight usually does not come during the time of discipline. We may not even believe we’re moving forward. But we are.
101. “The task at hand during times of discipline is dimple: listen, trust, and obey.
102. “Higher Power, help me learn to surrender to discipline. Help me be grateful that You care enough about me to allow these times of discipline and learning in my life. Help me know that as a result of discipline and learning, something important will have been worked out in me.”