I woke up,
had coffee,
M. called,
I called my sponsor,
and I feel:
Disconnected, Isolated, Blue, Vulnerable, Disassociated a little from feelings
AND
Defeated, Willing
AND
Grateful, Sacred, Secure Blessed, Open, a little Glorious, a bit Activated and even a bit Recharged
I think it is because:
First line, because miss J. and not want to do the laundry and kitchen cleaning and some cooking today and a bit afraid of loneliness today plus doggie - miss her, dreamt about her, but she's probably filthy and allergy-causing to me right now and not sure if getting her for weekend.
Second line, about food.
Third line,because of God. Because of p. 98 in the Big Book. Because of Thich Nhat Hahn in my life. Because I got through yesterday. And because I do have the time to do some stuff today. And because of a bit of piano practice and a little jigsaw puzzling, good books, potential to see MA today, etc. ***Living in the moment. "Life is only really available in the present moment." TNH
I acted out co-dependently:
Eating fucking crackers last night.
Next time I will do differently:
Not buy them!
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