CoDA

Miserable miserable miserable.

Supposed to say it so I will:
Thank you God, for this day.

I woke up and I feel:

Vulnerable, regretful, overwhelmed, frightened, regretful, lousy, fearful, unhappy, dreadful, dejected, rotten, blue, ostracized, hindered, jilted, burdened, morose, despairing, lost, depressed, lonely, disturbed, upset, deflated, angry, desolate, isolated, scared, battered, stuck, deflated, encumbered, downtrodden, scared, rejected, undervalued, shaky, imprisoned, disconnected, alone, exhausted, shaky, numb, panicky
AND
Defeated, willing, powerless
AND
Acknowledged, grateful, sacred, blessed, healthy, alive

I think it is because:
First category: The emergency-must-get-by is passing and the horrible current and possible reality sinking in.
I want my life back!
I know better now!
AND
Food: I've waved the white flag. I'm eating well now, for tofay.
AND
MA + God + CoDA last night

I acted out codependently:
Yesterday, when had to pull off the road and was crying and called J.
I'm afraid I'm going to have a nervous breakdown.
God please help me.

Anyway,
Next time I think I'll do differently:
Try prayer
Try calling anyone else.

Oh, God help me please. Before it's too late.