CoDA Work Today

God, thank you for this day.

I woke up and I feel:
Bewildered, frustrated, unhappy, shaky, blue, bothered, scared, estranged, jilted, regretful, vulnerable, anxious, envious
AND
humble
AND
Grateful
and somewhat blessed and loving

I think it is because:
J took married off facebook/I hate what I've done to my life/the heat is not coming up in the bathroom or dining room/I'm in a mess/I hate what appears to be coming in my life for the holidays etc.
Also, it's like Maslow's Hierarchy. Now that I'm not freezing, and there is hot water, my problems loom larger.
Humble: I can't do this eating thing alone
Grateful because it could all be so much worse
Somewhat blessed because blessed doesn't seem like the right word. It would mean what, about those who have less? They aren't blessed? That makes no sense to me.
Somewhat loving because like, I want to help the kids and all, but I feel exhausted and almost deadened. All I want to do is sleep.
Having all those men here yesterday, and the house is a filthy mess, and they pipes are messed up...was so stressful. Then having the new furnace was such a relief I felt all my muscles relax in a way I hadn't even been aware they were that tense for weeks.
But then I ate junk.

I acted out co-dependently:
Eating junk

I think I'll do differently next time:
I have no idea.