CoDA Work AM

Thank you, God, for waking this day.

I woke up and I feel:
very cold, and, embarrassingly, a bit worried that I don't have enough good stuff to show J oy
AND
blessed, divine, with God, whole, real, okay, hopeful.
Wow.

I think this is because:
I am doing the next right thing, as much as I can, all day every day. And eating well. And staying in touch with friends.
Oh - and I did nice deeds yesterday! The checkout guy at Trader Joe's was chatting with me while working, and we got talking about soups. He is young and lives with his mom, whom he says makes great soups but he'd love my recipe for the one I love so much, to ask her to make. So I said I'd bring it by. Then the storm came and it's been a couple of weeks. So yesterday, even though I wasn't shopping there, I drove over after school and found him and gave it to him. He was so happy about that! And I felt good. And I felt good about a little special something I do for mother when I take her shopping, which I did after work yesterday. It's tiny, but it's that I drive up to her window, first floor apartment. She goes in and opens window, and I hand the bags through. It's that I let her know what's coming each time. Like, this one's heavy and this one's medium or light...And if heavy, I lift it over the sill for her. I just feel good about that. It's the kind of thoughtful little thing J would have probably done, and I always thought I don't have in me to think of.

I acted out codependently:
Getting really excited inside when J called to see how I am and to talk about his work excitement and that gave me all this hope for us. That was codependent.

I think I will do differently next time:
What I did a few times the last 2 - 3 days, as CoDA sponsor had told me last spring! When obsessing about J, say to self, No. Right now I am ... (something for/about self. Like, driving on this beautiful road, or enjoying this chapter...)

Thank you God, for every bit of the relief.